Depression is often related to one having a sense of loss to something dear to them. In my case I am grieving the loss of my adult children's affection and the feeling that to them I am already dead. I have been tossed out like an old shoe.
Second is the fact that they aren't very nice people and I suspect that one way or the other, I have failed as a mum...
So I had a time of prayer and during that I felt that as far as mothering goes, how they now act as adults is not my fault. I know now that God knows I did bring them all up in the faith and they were taught to be honest and decent people.
I have now decided that I will not stress about not seeing my new great granddaughter or even grandchildren... it is pointless to bond with them when I wont probably see them... I will not waste my last few years waiting for a word from them or even acknowledgement that I exist... if they cared, they would call
So now I am going to move forward and enjoy as much as possible those who do love me and want me in their life...
The hardest lesson I think was to realise that my love for them is not reciprocated and I am not important or valued much in their life at all. It's a bitter pill but once taken, it helps alleviate the grief of unrequited love...
So I am going to move forward and start thinking of positive things, like Chris and those in my family who do love me...
Another lesson was that even though I have no expectation of a relationship and have pulled back to stop hurting, it does not mean I don't love them... it just has to be from afar as they are toxic to me. At this stage of my life, I just need peace. And that doesn't mean I am selfish...
I refuse to stay in the Pit of Despair!
YOU are loved by those who Love you! Keep the Faith!
ReplyDeleteYour Friend in Christ, Gwen
Thank you, Gwen!
DeleteI can't even imagine how painful your situation must be, but I pray you'll continue to find comfort and peace with those who do show their love for you, and in all the blessings God has for you. Praying that relationships are healed and restored in God's good time. Visiting from ST&F today
ReplyDeleteThanks for those kind words, Kym. I am trying not to dwell on it, but flashbacks of when they were growing up take me straight back to it. It's not easy!
DeleteGlenys, I can relate with you. My oldest daughter has disengaged herself from me 6 years ago. Boy did I grieve for years. Then as I kept maturing in Christ, I realized she was his before she was mine. And I gave her back to him. I have minimal contact with my youngest daughter. I continue to pray for reconciliation. And am adding you to my physical hand written prayer list in my journal. Praying for reconciliation for you and your children. I had to go through the grieving process. I know that God is working behind the scenes for my and my daughters good and his Glory. I have no idea what it is, but he does. And I'm okay with that now.
ReplyDeleteAnytime you want to talk or just need a listening ear email me at
paula@gracefilledmoments.me
Thank you so much for sharing your heart , vulnerability and transparency with Sweet Tea & Friends this month sweet friend.
I am so sorry you share this grief too. I think I am getting over it, but birthdays and Christmas and so on are so difficult to endure and it opens it up all again... thanks so much for your prayers for reconciliation. I will pray the same for you, with understanding...
Delete