My childhood was not a really good one. My father was an alcoholic and Mum's brother who lived with us was also one. Anger and domestic violence were our lot, especially on weekends.
My mother particularly hated drink and was a tea-totaller herself. I wondered why she married Dad as they were not really well suited. But I think Mum made the fatal mistake of thinking that her love would be stronger than the alcohol and that she would change him after they were married.
Unfortunately, the alcohol was stronger than his love for her, and Mum became a vicious shrew to him and us children.
The more Mum tried to change Dad, the more he rebelled and I can still remember him sitting in his armchair in the lounge room. He would look thoughtfully at the glass of beer he was holding and say loudly, 'I am what I am!' and Mum would taunt him by singing "Nowhere man!" to him. We would then have to flee late at night with Dad throwing beer bottles at us as we frantically ran down the street.
I know God can miraculously deliver people from alcoholism, but unfortunately Dad only gave it up when he had open heart surgery at the tender age of 50. He died six weeks later...
I didn't pick up on the red flags in my own hasty marriage in 1969. At the tender age of 16 I got engaged, became pregnant and married two months later. It was a marriage that nearly didn't take place.
As I said, I should have seen the red flags: the cruelty to animals, the bashing of homosexuals: (before I met him, but he bragged about it), the talking over me, and the strong will that was overbearing. Well, I think I did see those flags, as after a particularly nasty argument, I decided I would break the engagement.
I was a little hesitant to do that because my period was late. I broke my parents' hearts when I told them the result was positive and they offered me a view options.
- They would arrange an abortion: no way would I abort a child. Besides, I was hoping that my child perhaps would love *this* love-starved child.
- They would keep the child and raise it as their own: they would have to be kidding- I was already planning the nursery in a home where there would be peace. After all, love would conquer all once we were married...
- Or they would arrange a hasty marriage... that was the option I took.
But there was no peace, for no sooner had the confetti blown away than the abuse started and when I lost those twin girls six months later, I cried for the babies dying and for the mess I was in.
My marriage lasted 25 long years and I had plenty of time to realise that love does not conquer all. It is far better to stay single than be with the wrong person.
If you can't respect him or condone what he does prior to marriage, don't marry him! People do not usually change just because you marry them or you have a child.
Look carefully before you enter into marriage and never think you will have the power to change your husband after you become his wife.
We are his wife first, not his mother. Wives accept their husbands as they are, they don't train him.
Don't marry him if you have any doubts and think you can change him after, because only God can change your man!
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48
