These last few months have been hectic. My sister who was living with us for the last five months, found a new rented home about 45 minutes drive from us.
Because she is so ill with her lupus, we decided to move close to her to be with her.
Needless to say, it was exhausting and Chris and I are both whacked. We are just about unpacked with only a few boxes to empty and place.
We love the home we have moved in to and it just a few minutes drive from my sister and son. And although we are sure the LORD opened the door for us to be here, I find I am depleted of joy.
Honestly, I am feeling put upon and resentful. I am sick of doing good. Let me explain.
We helped my son and sister move and they had help... but not so for our move three weeks later. Oh, we did get help, but only if they got paid for it. And this was family.
Over the years, we have helped our family greatly and hoped that they would return the favour, but not so. Instead of feeling supported and loved, we feel ignored and unloved.
Because of fatigue, I have not been in the Word much and I honestly feel that my bucket has come up empty. So today we played some worship videos and I read the Word again.
Feeling guilty for these emotions that should have been uplifting ones, not negative ones, I found a quiet place and poured my heart out to the LORD.
Reading scripture, I realised that I am not alone in being sick of doing good. So I have repented and made myself take some rest. The boxes can wait.
I need to practise self care for a while, spiritual as well as physical. I think with all my many illnesses, the one I find most burdensome is when I am sick of doing good.
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household- Galatians 6:9-10
Yes, my dear friend self care is so important. If you're like me, it's so hard to practice self care and show myself grace even in the face of fibro. I totally understand what you're saying about helping others in the hope of being helped later but come up empty with no help. Being in his word sure is living water for our parched minds isn't it.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing with Sweet Tea & Friends this month sweet friend.
It's not that I regret helping people... it's just disappointing that help never comes around to me... even after many years of helping others, my turn comes and the help isn't there... it's then that I have to go to the LORD for comfort...
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