Don't throw your husband out

Isn’t becoming a mother just the most intense experience both physically and emotionally? For me, it was the most fulfilling time of my life! I remember the anxious waiting for my son’s birth- doubly anxious because I had given birth to still-born twins in my seventh month previously. And as I waited anxiously for his birth, I also wondered what exactly my husband was experiencing emotionally. Outwardly, he seemed unconcerned, but I knew he must have had some anxiety as well- he was looking forward to this child as much as I. So I thought about how this child would change our marital relationship- would it bring us closer or cause some distance between us?

You see, I had friends who had dreamt all their lives of being a mother, and when that supreme moment came, they invested so much of their time and energy into motherhood that they often neglected their husbands. Many men were battling anxieties caused through feeling second-best or neglected… not only in the love-making area, but in all areas. Suddenly the world revolved around the baby and they felt like they were just the breadwinner and of no special significance to their wives. Some of them even carried guilt because they felt jealous of their own child. And some of them even strayed because of it. I didn’t want this to happen.

As soon as Mark was born, they handed him to me…I drank in the sight of him and immediately handed him up to his father. As I did with the other children as well. I made every effort to include him in not only the baby’s life, but I made sure that he had no doubt that I still regarded him as my friend, my lover and my husband. There were times when the baby needed my attention of course, but I made sure that I made time to listen to what my husband had to say, to cook his favourite meals and to be demonstratively affectionate to him. He was so proud of each of our babies and was a very good father. (We later on had problems in our marriage that were totally unrelated to him feeling second best after their birth.)

I have encouraged my own daughters to remember that they are wives first and mothers second. They have been encouraged as well to put their husbands first in everything so as to avoid the mistakes I have seen new mothers sometimes make. Being a mother would not be anywhere near as wonderful an experience if we lost our marriages in the process. So, new mothers and young ladies, I would encourage you too- don’t throw your husband out with the baby’s bathwater!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children," Titus 2:4