Have you wondered why old ladies are always talking about the past, boring you with endless stories of their family? Every birthday, Nana or Grandma recounts the birth of your father or uncle or mother? or even you.
Are you bored with hearing about how hard life was in the Depression of the 30's and how they never had many labour saving devices and appliances like we do now? How about when they had cash in their purse or wallet, and plastic cards were unheard of..
As an older woman nearly 70, I do exactly that, I know I do. Every birthday I find myself telling my adult children about their birth, weight, length, good looks and how much I love them.
I often reminisce about their childhood and our homes and life back in the day. Sometimes they don't even try to hide the fact that I am boring them. Yet to me, talking of these things comes as naturally as breathing air.
It's never a productive day if I find myself culling double ups of my online photos. I spend so much time reliving bygone days and sometimes it actually depresses me. Nostalgia can do that.
Why does it depress you? you ask. It depresses me because a lot of the people in the photos have passed. Some family in pictures- mainly cousins- no longer keep in touch in spite of me reaching out via FaceBook. They simply aren't interested in being a family anymore.
I relive certain times and wish I had or hadn't done something or other, knowing that such thinking is futile because we did the best we could with what we had at the time. It has to be enough to know that.
It hurts me to see pictures of happier days when I babysat grandchildren and those same grandchildren now grown, don't bother to ring me or call in. Yes, yes, I know they have busy lives, but I did too back then and I still found time for them.
It is sad when I am not even invited to theirs or my grandchildren's birthday parties, having been the organiser and host of so many of them for them and their friends at their birthdays. But like an old shoe, I have been cast off to be forgotten.
It doesn't help when one gives their children their baby albums and Infant Welfare Record Books, with locks of hair and tiny wrist band from the hospital- only to find they have been thrown out and not cherished like you did for many many years.
Precious memories are all we really have, us old ladies. The saddest thing of all is discovering that they are only precious to us.
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone. Psalm 71.9
I can't imagine someone throwing out their own baby book! Sad. They probably think you wouldn't be interested in attending a party, but it would be nice to be asked. I never called my gma until I stopped working, at home and pregnant. We had a few good conversations, but she died shortly thereafter. I, did, however, try to see her every few months. The two hour trip was hard on me because I was so busy, but now im so glad I did it. I hope yours have an epiphany soon. Don't give up. Keep writing and calling them, but say, "Ive only got 10 minutes to talk" then ask specific questions you've written down. I do that with my cousin and kids and it really helps! Hugs to you
ReplyDeleteThank you for those kind words and suggestions, Janine. I had some good conversations with my nan, but now I wish I had have had more.
DeleteGlenys, I love nostalgia. And, I do love listening to those who are older than me stories. I will always stay and listen to stories of the depression, WWII, and so on, no matter if the person has told me the story over and over again. I just love it. I enjoy sharing special preciousness with others. Thank you so much for this.
ReplyDeleteMe too! but the older I get, the more I see the boredom in the younger one's faces. They generally don't appreciate wisdom from older people. Thanks for sharing a cuppa with me again, Paula
DeleteOur family loves nostalgia and the telling of stories. We learn so much from those who have gone before us.
ReplyDeleteSo true! Thanks for sharing a cuppa with me again, Joanne!
DeleteIt saddens me that you are so sad....and that your family seem bored with your stories. Mature adults are treasure troves of wisdom and experience!
ReplyDeleteSometimes looking back at life can make you sad. I don't know what I could have done to do better but sadly I am not very close to a couple of my adult children
DeleteRelationships can be hard in any season, but I agree with you that the elderly are often the most neglected and underappreciated. After so many years of living and gaining experiencing and wisdom, you'd think we'd value those older than us much more instead of less. I'm sorry you've experiencing this. May it be a wake-up call to those who are younger. I'm only 10 years behind you.
ReplyDeleteTrue words, Lisa. Thanks for sharing a cuppa with me again
DeleteI find that what happens a lot of times is that people want to learn more about their grandparents and the "old days" as they themselves get older. Sadly, by that time, there aren't as many older relatives to ask any more. I kept in touch with my grandmother and mother-in-law regularly, but there are things that come to mind now that I wish I had asked them when they were still here. I hope to write down some things for my kids for when I am gone.
ReplyDeleteAnother factor, I think, is the trend toward "minimalism." People are told not to keep much out of sentimentalism. I fear one day they'll regret not having old photo albums, letters and such.
Absolutely my thoughts too. Thanks for taking tea with me, Barbara
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