Pain changes people!


In dealing with my fibromyalgia flares, I find dealing with the accompanying mental pain is just as bad as dealing with unrelenting physical pain. It is just as difficult to bear.

Usually a mild mannered person, after coping all day with searing pain in my muscles, topped off with an inability to sleep soundly, I can fly off the handle occasionally.

Yesterday for example, I managed to catch up on my dishes, which turned out to be a three part marathon. Usually Chris puts them away but yesterday it didn't happen.

My fingers were paining me, my back ached and my legs didn't feel like they could hold me up. Unfortunately, a feeling of resentment overtook me, and I yelled at Chris for not doing his part.

I love being a wife and homemaker, but when everything is hurting at once, and not sleeping well because of the pain, resentment rose up in me. 

Resentment that I wasn't getting any help coupled with no pain relief and tiredness made me verbally buck and shy like a wild stallion. Along with resentment of my lack of help came resentment that my body has let me down.

Once resentment kicks in, it opens the door to self-pity and depression. I don't like yelling at Chris, particularly as he is usually not only helpful but emotionally nurturing and supportive.

I have found that at times like this, when pain causes me to blow my stack, that like an overtired toddler, I need to rest. So I put myself to bed for a nana nap.

But before I go for that nap, I apologise to Chris and go to sleep talking with the LORD and repenting of my bad humour.

Fibromyalgia pain never lets up, even in our sleep. It pursues us in our rest and deprives us of even the enjoyment of a brief period of respite in sleep. We toss and turn, trying to get comfortable- and that is even during the brief time our dry aching eyes are actually closed. It is not restorative at all.

I have had to learn to stop feeling false guilt for reacting to my pain when the levels are high enough to launch a rocket. That's how I feel during a flare. But I have got to remember that I didn't ask for this and am not responsible for succumbing to this painful syndrome.

I must remember that fibromyalgia pain-or indeed any pain, makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear. Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. Psalm 71:9

6 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. I pray God reveals a cure for you and the many others who suffer. It's good that you admit your anger, grumpiness, and failings due to to this pain. Asking forgiveness goes far. Caretakers sympathize when they love you, and when you apologize it does take away the sting. I've seen both sides. My gpa never apologized, and so resentment grew. Other ill family members did, and it made all the difference!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It is sad when one can't apologise. As a Christian and a woman who loves her husband, I couldn't go without apologising and asking for forgiveness. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I am immediately sorry and try to restore peace and love and ask God and my husband for forgiveness. It's really hard at times to be sweetness and light when pain assaults your body 24/7. Thanks for having a cuppa with me today, Janine!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank You sister. I have had to retreat to my napping room because my attitude has disintegrated due to pain and I get so cranky. It troubles me. I don't want that. I am hoping to notice when I am flooded with pain and angst at the beginning to retreat BEFORE I sin against my husband. He and I do keep a short account of sin and ask forgiveness of one another too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are so blessed to have understanding husbands. I thank God for Chris often!

      Delete
  4. I am so very sorry you are in so much pain.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks Deanna and thanks also for having a cuppa with me today!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for visiting with me today. I love to hear from you. I may not always be able to reply right away, but I will respond to every comment you leave. Blessings and comfort, Glenys