My new wheels

                                               

So if you have read on my other blog, I am now wheel-chair bound. I am relieved that I have an easier method of transportation and that it will be easier for Chris to push, but I am also sad that my life has come to this.

So, the MRI results are in. I have a meniscus tear, fabella, torn posterior crucius ligament, bursitis and osteo arthritis behind the patella. It needs surgery as it does not repair itself.

I am to see an orthopaedic surgeon and meanwhile I must rest the knee and use pain killers. 

We have bought a shower chair and a wheelchair. I have had Chris push me on the seat of my walker, but it is a big strain on his heart and I worry about him. 

It is difficult to focus enough to write at the moment and I spend a lot of time on the couch aka the beach, or in bed with my electric blanket.

I am just able to stand enough to wash some dishes, cook a meal and stack the washer and dryer. Chris helps sometimes and has been my legs.

I am making use of the slow cooker a lot, cooking the meals as I am able to stand.

As with all new health issues, I am trying to come to terms with this "new normal" and the constant struggles with fibromyalgia are now "normal" and this new challenge is calling for all my ability to accept my new lot in chronic illness.

I am disheartened that both my knees have now given way (I have a torn meniscus in my other knee), and am trying to feel grateful that I could afford a wheelchair. Thank goodness for afterpay.

I am trying to be thankful for my new wheels, and I am also trying to give this new situation over to the LORD. I guess it's all a part of grieving what I have lost and accepting it, and not giving way to self-pity. It's hard.

However romantic a picture I can find really doesn't cut it for me as I struggle to accept that I am now wheelchair bound, and instead of a new car, a wheelchair is my new wheels.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 76:26

I am blessed

 

After a horrid day with pain from my fibromyalgia and arthritis, I gratefully sank into bed, pulling my soft minkie blankets over me.

As is my custom before sleeping, I prayed and thanked God for the good things of the day. And as I started to pray, the blessings of the day kept on coming.

I was and am thankful and grateful for so many things which truthfully are more abundant than the horrid things that make up my life of chronic illness.

The warmth of my bed and the softness of my blankets, the feather down pillow that allowed me to adjust it to just the right way to support my sore neck and shoulder muscles and the light that shone softly at my bedside all soothed and nurtured me. 

The outside light shone through the star shapes in my drapes, and the little stars lit up the room and danced across my bed as my chest moved in breaths and sighs of contentment. My little cat snuggled up beside me. We were both content.

How blessed I am to be able to lay my head down to rest in peace. So many the world over do not have that luxury. 

My soft minkie pajamas caressed my skin, soothing it and unlike other clothing, did not make me itch in a way that started an itchy frenzy. Only the Fibromite who suffers from constant itch would be grateful for that.

As I gave thanks for all those things, I remembered the labour saving devices I have been blessed to own, and along with that, I gave thanks for the many convenience foods and products that make my life as a Sacrificial Home Keeper easier. Not for the first time, I thanked God for allowing me to live in a country where these products are available.

I am grateful for the convenience of online banking, shopping and grocery purchases. Many a day finds me with limited spoons and I do not feel inclined to leave my home.

And when I have to get repeat prescriptions made up, I am grateful that I have an app that allows me to order them and pick them up later...

Our little country home nurtures us and gives me many comforts for which I am also grateful. And as the happy relaxed thoughts overtook me, I drifted into sleep, glad and secure that I am the LORD'S and He will be there tomorrow to bless me and console me as I walk the lonely painful path of chronic illness and pain.

There's nothing that can compare to counting one's gifts of love from the LORD. I am blessed. And grateful.

 

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

 

For thus says the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel: “ In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”  Isaiah 30:15 

Making a difference!

As sacrificial home keepers, we still can achieve a good deal in creating a peaceful home for our family. We can still make a difference: it just takes extra planning and energy and consulting our lists!

"What really does work to increase the feeling of having a home and its comforts is housekeeping. Housekeeping creates cleanliness, order, regularity, beauty, the conditions for health and safety, and a good place to do and feel all the things you wish and need to do and feel in your home.
Whether you live alone or with a spouse, parents, and ten children, it is your housekeeping that makes your home alive, that turns it into a small society in its own right, a vital place with its own ways and rhythms, the place where you can be more yourself than you can be anywhere else." by Cheryl Mendelson, Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping House

I have posted lists that show how we sacrificial home keepers can stay on top of things by planning and pacing. I hope they will be of some help to you. Feel free to print the Lists out if you want.

No matter how little we do or how big or small our home is, we can still be like the Proverbs 31 woman and and still live out Titus 2. We can still make a difference!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

Pain changes people!

In dealing with my fibromyalgia flares, I find dealing with the accompanying mental pain is just as bad as dealing with unrelenting physical pain. It is just as difficult to bear.

Usually a mild mannered person, after coping all day with searing pain in my muscles, topped off with an inability to sleep soundly, I can fly off the handle occasionally.

Yesterday for example, I managed to catch up on my dishes, which turned out to be a three part marathon. Usually Chris puts them away but yesterday it didn't happen.

My fingers were paining me, my back ached and my legs didn't feel like they could hold me up. Unfortunately, a feeling of resentment overtook me, and I yelled at Chris for not doing his part.

I love being a wife and homemaker, but when everything is hurting at once, and not sleeping well because of the pain, resentment rose up in me. 

Resentment that I wasn't getting any help coupled with no pain relief and tiredness made me verbally buck and shy like a wild stallion. Along with resentment of my lack of help came resentment that my body has let me down.

Once resentment kicks in, it opens the door to self-pity and depression. I don't like yelling at Chris, particularly as he is usually not only helpful but emotionally nurturing and supportive.

I have found that at times like this, when pain causes me to blow my stack, that like an overtired toddler, I need to rest. So I put myself to bed for a nana nap.

But before I go for that nap, I apologise to Chris and go to sleep talking with the LORD and repenting of my bad humour.

Fibromyalgia pain never lets up, even in our sleep. It pursues us in our rest and deprives us of even the enjoyment of a brief period of respite in sleep. We toss and turn, trying to get comfortable- and that is even during the brief time our dry aching eyes are actually closed. It is not restorative at all.

I have had to learn to stop feeling false guilt for reacting to my pain when the levels are high enough to launch a rocket. That's how I feel during a flare. But I have got to remember that I didn't ask for this and am not responsible for succumbing to this painful syndrome.

I must remember that fibromyalgia pain-or indeed any pain, makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear. Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. Psalm 71:9

Hanging on for dear life

So my nerves were shot. I had a nervous stomach and acid reflux that burnt the back of my throat. Nightmares held me captive to fear during my sleep and my anxiety levels were sky high.

Like many people in this sad world, I was agonising over Covid 19. Here in Victoria the infection rate is climbing making deaths more commonplace than ever. We are stuck in lockdown with no end in sight, and we are over it.

I have been watching conspiracy theories which seem plausible sometimes, and I have had plenty of time to think. Too much time, actually.

Also, I have been watching Rapture sermons, wanting to understand the signs of Christ's coming for His Church. 

Finally, I could no longer bear those thoughts and realised that I had to repent and change my thinking. I had to bring it into the captivity of Christ. 

Going into my study, I closed the door and confessed that I had let fear get the better of me. I also confessed that I am trying to work everything out: things that don't really concern me...

I have been a Christian for over 39 years now, and I have had to recognise that I will never work out things that are too deep for our mind.

I used to wonder how God is God- how He could be the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end...

how the world was created- was it in 6 literal days, or days that equalled eons..

how the Blood covers sin- what was the significance of blood in sacrifice?

how the miracles occurred..

how Jesus rose from the dead... and exactly where He went when in the tomb for 3 days?

There were many more questions I wanted answers to, like when Christ is coming for us, and I really tried in my limited reasoning to understand...and in doing so, I lost my peace...

Finally, I decided that some things just have to be taken on faith and by trust in God. How God is God and does the miraculous is beyond me. I just have to trust in Him and believe. That's where faith comes in and brings me peace. 

Being faithful and loving God and walking in the Spirit is what God calls me to do- the other stuff, frankly is none of my business.... and like the faith a child, I am going to put my trust in God and His Word.

I am feeling better but you can be sure I will be hanging on to my faith for dear life! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5

Let's deck our halls and hearts

Most of  us are spending a lot of time at home these days under stay at home laws to stop the spread of the Corona Virus. In fact, we here in Melbourne Australia have been lifted to Stage 4 as the numbers of fresh infections increases.  Now obviously this is going to make us more weary of the isolation, but it is what it is...

Instead of being frustrated or angry, let us resolve to make the most of this situation and try to find some postitive aspects of this enforced isolation in our homes. This is a time for family to be close together. Let us try to make our homes a sanctuary from the world's trouble and mayhem. So let us deck the halls of our home and heart...

• Let us make sure we keep our homes clean and aired.
• Let us try to stay to a routine that gives us time to teach our children.
• Let us remember that our children will be picking up and hearing fearful information, so let us be particularly loving with them.
• Let us make meals that not only fill our family's stomach, but nourish them. Give them something to look forward to at meal times.
• Let us be loving with our husband- chances are he has worries about employment and like you, is concerned about how to stretch the finances and keep the roof over your head and food on the table.
• Let us try to avoid speaking constantly about the ills of this current state of the world in front of the children. They may be young, but they will take in a lot of fear. If the parents are afraid, then for them, it is the end of the world.
• Let us limit watching the news as this is bound to effect everyone. Limit news to finding out directly what you need to know and turn it off.
• Let us watch uplifting videos, especially with our children and let's play with them. Make a cubby house and let your children be the Mum and you the child. Use your imagination and delight them.
• Let us put our little ones into the bath and sit alongside them, singing songs and telling stories and blowing bubbles with them.
• Let us have a sense of calm and peace in our home, for everyone to enjoy.
• Let us be particularly attentive and available to our spouse and fan the flames of romance. It works wonders for a marriage.
• Let us sit at table and teach the little ones etiquette, and have the table set nicely to make it a time of pleasure and unity.
• Let us continue with a daily nightly bedtime routine for the children and keep regular sleeping hours.
• Let us pray with our children at night as they go to bed, allowing them to know that God loves them, watches out for them and calls all the stars by name. Invite discussion of any worries so that they can be reassured and sleep better.
• Let us keep up with our own appearance and hygiene, for that will make us feel more like we can cope.
• Let us use the fine crockery, tableware, cloth serviettes and silver utensils. Drag out the best linen and softest towels and celebrate home and family.
• Let us remember to pray for others, particularly for those for whom isolation means domestic violence. Have this link on hand for help if you or someone you know needs protection and advice.
• Let us remember to keep close to the LORD Who has gone to prepare a place for us, and is coming to take us Home with Him soon. 

Whilst we wait for Him, let us deck our halls and hearts with faith, love, peace, joy and hope...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

John 14:1-2 Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 

So grateful tonight

So I have lit the lamps and drawn our drapes. The air outside is cold but our home is warm. The smell of cooking still hangs in the air: a fragrant reminder of a lovely meal eaten in quiet enjoyment.

We watch the flames of our fire and give in to reflection of the day. It has been a good day. With full tummies and grateful hearts, we hold hands and talk. There is contentment in our hearts and words.

Outside we have people in the front lines of health and security- police, doctors, ambulance workers in essential fields of service that ensure our well being and standard of living are taken care of. They are heroes.

But the peace inside our home is closely guarded as we turn off endless news programs and feeds in social media of conspiracy theories and death tolls and predictions regarding the Corona Virus. 

We know they are there, but they are not welcome in our home. Our thoughts are brought into the captivity of Christ. We think only of that which is true and good.

As we prepare to retire soon, we are grateful for electric blankets and soft pillows and even for the little cat who loves to snuggle with her family. So many the world over are living in fear of death from this virus, and many are homeless. We are blessed.

As I hold Chris's hand, I am grateful for the absence of violence in my life, for many are living in a place that isn't safe and this isolation for them is far more than inconvenient: it is dangerous.

We invite the Holy Spirit to fill our home, and I refuse to allow anxiety to weigh my heart and mind down: God has us in His Hand and even if I were to contract Rona, He would do what He wills with me.  I am ready to go Home in illness or in the imminent Rapture.

Tonight, when I turn off my bedside lamp to go to sleep, I will say what I say every time before I go to sleep or under the knife in surgery: "Father, into Your Hands I commit my spirit!" 

And I will fall asleep knowing that God has all things under control. I am so grateful tonight! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7

Fibro gets personal

Fibromyalgia has us unsure of where exactly our body is hurting, but for some of us, pain isn't the only symptom we have. There is one other that vies for our attention: itch!

My body itches everywhere.... my face is so itchy that I scratch at it until it bleeds. I use a ruler to scratch my shoulders, back and nape.

Sometimes in the morning my nails have blood under them where I have scratched my scalp. For this reason, I cannot get my grey hair dyed as I would get chemicals in my scalp.

Tags on my clothes cause me to itch unbearably so I cut them off. My hair blowing on my face or neck drives me insane with itch, so I keep my hair very short these days.

After all these twenty plus years of suffering with fibromyalgia, it has now gotten very personal. Very. And I have spoken to a few women I know well enough to ask, and who have fibro and they all agree that it has progressed from what we all discuss to now becoming very personal. You could say: intimate.

We have found that regardless of whether we have just showered or bathed, we suffer intense itching in our personal areas. 

So intense is this itch that it wakes us up and whips us into an itching frenzy. We are not satisfied until we have scratched ourselves raw.

Likewise, under our overhang on our lower abdomen, we have itch that drives us insane as well. And irregardless of hygiene- we have itching in the groins and back of the legs where the leg joins the groin.

It seems that fibromyalgia is a syndrome that annoys one to the inth degree and delights in attacking every phase and aspect of our life and body.

It gives one a new found compassion for the poor dog scraping itself along the ground with extreme personal itch.  One can relate.  Nothing gets more personal than fibro! 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2

Nothing to be ashamed of!

Fibromyalgia has made many changes in my life and one of them is my dislike of wearing clothes. The mere touch of fabric on my skin, or the tags on my clothing can send me into an itching frenzy.

Before I wear something new, I will cut off all the tags and if it has lace, particularly around the neckline, I will not buy it or I will cut the lace off.

Mohair drives me insane with itch and brings me up in a rash wherever it touches my skin. I won't buy it. If I have a woollen top on, I have to wear a blouse with a collar under it to stop the itching.

In dressing, I have to put layers on because fibromyalgia sufferers' thermostats are broken. They can't be adjusted or fixed. It is not uncommon to feel cold when everyone is hot and vice versa. Anyway, it is important to me that I can reduce or add on clothing as required.

Not that I really enjoy wearing clothes anymore. In fact, if I could be naked without offending, I would. Not that I do go publically naked of course. And I do dress modestly as it's important to our witness. Not to mention I don't want to be arrested! lol

I do go around the house naked in the summer. In case of visitors, I have my sundress in easy reach. It is never a problem to quickly slip it on if there is a knock at the door. Chris will always wait for me to get into our bedroom to change before he answers the door.

We are mindful of others at all times and keep our drapes closed when I walk around. Of course,  it's not when we have guests or when grandchildren stay. If we are expecting company then of course I get dressed. If we are on holiday or guests, I wear a loose nightdress at night and clothes in the day.

I know I am in good company with Winston Churchill often holding interviews whilst in the bathtub or naked, even in his office. I am not that brazen...

But I know I am not alone in hating wearing clothes in the World of Fibromyalgia. I do not doubt that many fibro sufferers will join me in saying that they sleep in the nude as well. 

Clothes can make one feel that they are strangling you in bed.  Sheets, no matter how soft, end up causing the most awful itches and feelings of heat that most fibromites sleep with one leg out and a fan on. Even in winter.

There are so many changes in one's life with fibromyalgia and some you won't hear about. Such as a hatred of wearing clothes.  We keep it secret, like it's something to be ashamed of. 

Trying to keep oneself from scratching until one bleeds is a reason for compassion. If I only walk naked around my own home, with only my husband seeing me, I am not flaunting myself and being immodest. 

Coping with illness is nothing to be ashamed of: it's all part of accepting it and moving on. I know my God would understand. I am not ashamed at all. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the LORD hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted. Isaiah 49:13

Cat fur and tickling whiskers!

The sun is sinking under the nearby hills, leaving pink streaks in the sky. I have drawn the drapes and lit the lamps. 

My dishes from dinner are drying in the drainer. Xena has been fed and is indoors sitting with her Dad, Chris. 

The weather is slightly cool and we have put our fire on low which gives a cosy effect. I love my home, my husband and my cat... and of course, my God. 

Not only has He  blessed us with a lovely home to live in, but He graciously gave me a few surprise spoons (energy) this afternoon.  I managed to do what was on my list, plus I finished off putting all my clean washing away.

We live a simple life, but it is one of contentment and joy. I am believing for a good sleep tonight. I have already taken my medications and I can retire any time after an hour. I must remain upright and awake for an hour after taking them or my sleep is fitful and sore. I know that if I lay down soon after taking them that I can either have GERD or aspirate some acid and develop pneumonia. I have had pneumonia three times. I don't know why my sleep is fitful and my muscles sore if I don't wait an hour, but I am sick of trying to work it out: It is what it is.

Soon I will join Chris in the lounge room and no doubt Xena will jump up onto my lap for a cuddle and cat nap. As soon as she hears me say I am going to B.E.D. she springs off my lap and nearly trips me up to get there before me.  I have to spell B.E.D. because she knows the word- yes she does. She's a smart girlie! 

As I lay thanking God for the good in each day before I sleep, I can be sure of one thing: my little feline mate will be under the covers, pressed up against my back. She is always purring at night and I have no doubt that she too is grateful for the ending day. And for a Mum who overlooks cat fur and her tickling cat whiskers! 

What I wouldn't give for a good sleep

Last night was a fizzer regarding sleeping. No matter how I positioned myself, sleep eluded me most of the night. I have woken up this morning so sore and tired that I don't know what to do with myself.

From twenty odd years of suffering from fibromyalgia, I know that today is going to be a wipe out. So I will be pacing myself and only doing the bare minimum of chores.

Yesterday I felt like this, but we had waited a week to see a new doctor and we had to go see him. He was good and seems to know his stuff. We have a few baseline blood tests to get done before we see him again next week.

We are into cooler weather with a top of 28C predicted. I have washed two loads of clothes and am too tired to hang it out. Sometimes you have to compromise when you have chronic illness. Sometimes you win, most time it does! 

I shopped online for groceries yesterday: the Woolworths delivery man is due soon... I am saving my few spoons to put the shopping away and mark it off the shopping list as received...

Things on my to do list today:

1. Put the food away
2. Cook my homemade pasta sauce in the slow cooker for spaghetti bolognaise tonight
3. Rest

That will have to do for today as I am having trouble keeping awake. What I wouldn't give for a good sleep! 

We must be overcomers!

Sometimes it is easy to give into the depression that pain from chronic illness can bring. Especially when we have lost sleep or had an unrestful night. It is so easy to allow the pain that sometimes overwhelms us in the morning to colour our whole day. We must try to overcome that because if we don't, we will make matters worse.

It is true that our thinking patterns dictate how our day to day living is going to be. We can literally talk ourselves into having a worse day than what it is. How? you say... by not clinging to the LORD and taking all of our thoughts into the captivity of Christ. In order to stop the continual downward spiral of depression that pain brings, it is imperative that we try to redirect our thoughts and literally force our focus onto something other than our pain.

We should treat ourselves with the pain relief that our doctor has given us, take our other medications and do whatever else we can to relieve it. Then we must try to focus our attention onto what we can achieve that will lift us up. Because if we don't, we will talk ourselves into such a state that it will exacerbate the pain. Thoughts can and will do that- and serve up a great dish of depression that is hard to shake.

Now please don't throw tomatoes at me for being direct, because I suffer pain in movement and just in breathing every moment of every day. I speak to you on your level and with understanding. That is why I know the reality of pain and its effect on our life. I know that to live a reasonably personally satisfying life, we must overcome the pain by redirecting our focus!

When I am in so much pain that I cannot stand it, I listen to worship music, blog or write my feelings in poetry. Poetry can be a healing medium and a release. Another thing I avoid like the plague is forums for disabled or chronically ill people. Why? Because they force us to focus on others' pain.... this can be too much to bear when we have our own. Believe me, you can dwell too much on your disability and pain and weaken your enjoyment of life.

Enjoyment of life? what enjoyment is there in life? you ask. There is always something to enjoy in life, even in the worst of times. Vision, hearing, touch, love, dear ones, sunshine, birds singing, coffee brewing, soft sheets, warm showers, freshly fallen rain, restful sleep after pain. I am sure you could add to the list. If you don't shift your focus, you will definitely sink into the Pit of Despair. And you *don't* want to go there!

What I am saying is that those of us who suffer from unrelenting pain *have to* make a supreme effort to shift our focus onto something *greater* than the pain. Because pain will be our constant companion, we therefore have to *live* above the pain factor. Easier said than done, you say! Of course it is, but what alternative do we have?

We have to overcome the psychological effects of pain as much as we are able or else our life will be one of constant distress and frustration. Lift your thoughts to a higher place if you can, and lean on God. It will be hard to not make matters worse for ourselves by refusing to accept our illness, but we must be overcomers...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

[When thou saidst], Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek. Psalm 27:8

Sometimes you just have to be separate

Night time has proven to be a difficult time for Chris and I.  We both have problems sleeping and often we keep each other awake.

Chris has osteoarthritis in his hips and shoulder and finds it hard to drop off to sleep. His legs are restless and jumpy and painful he often suffers from bad calf muscle cramps. It is not unusual for me to find him making himself a cup of tea in the middle of the night because he can't sleep. Plus we both have sleep apnea.

But more often than that, it is I who makes it hard for him. I usually go to bed full of pain and can't really get to sleep unless Chris rubs my back. He is very good like that and I usually get to sleep quickly. However, I grind my teeth in my sleep, stop breathing for about a minute, and snore. 

My medications cause GERD which has resulted in me having aspiration pneumonia and left me with asthma. I often wake up unable to breathe, and need to use my inhaler. My blood-thinners Clopidogrel and aspirin (for my stents in my heart to stay open and for antiphospholipid syndrome), cause me to have nosebleeds in my sleep as well.  Poor Chris is often disturbed again with this. So we are not good night time company.

Obviously, not all these things happen every night, but a good lot do and we have often considered sleeping in separate rooms. However, I have a problem with that because I love cuddles and sex if it happens, and I love sleeping in Chris's arms until I drop off to sleep. It has been our custom for the 22 years we have been married.

So we have worked out a strategy for staying close, yet sleeping separately. Chris will come to bed with me, and when I am asleep, he will come out to sleep by himself if he can't drop off.  We haven't actually got another bedroom set up in our new small house, so Chris sleeps in the recliner rocker. 

We are very passionate with each other and very demonstrative and we often sit watching TV holding hands. So there is no problem with closeness. And there is no problem with sleeping separately for the most part.

This situation is not ideal, but when chronic illness threatens to deprive others of their needed rest, something has to be done. We don't see any harm coming into our marriage through separate rooms, in fact, we think under the circumstances, it would enhance it...sometimes you just have to be separate.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. ” Proverbs 3:24

If the Lord wills

Over the past twenty years or so that I have been ill,  it has become totally apparent that we chronically  ill  women can never make plans.   By it's very nature,  chronic illness  is unpredictable and we do not know from day to day, or indeed, moment by moment how it will effect us..

Nearly every day I write lists of things I need to get done and places I have to go, then something will happen that tosses my plans into the rubbish bin. I run out of spoons, or I become dizzy or feel faint or want to vomit, have angina, or mostly, I just collapse and need to take a nap..

Even planning for a restful day can go awry as sleep doesn't come and we find ourselves staring at the ceiling whilst going cross-eyed with fatigue..It's very frustrating..

I have only recently been able to say to people that we will go to a certain event or do something "if I am able" and not worry too much about the reaction. Because we Sisters all know that we can't please people when we can't jump to their command. I have gotten to the stage that I no longer care about their reaction because I am not doing it wilfully..their reaction is their problem..

None of us want to be chronically ill and it does us no good whatsoever to blame ourselves for not being able to attend a function or do something that we have promised to do. Our life is not our own when it comes to chronic illness..

I think what works best for me now is when I realised that God is in control of my life, my days and my nights. Unless He allows my body to co-operate, I am at chronic illness's mercy.. 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that." James 4:15