Stand firm

There's no doubt that we are in the end times and that the world is getting darker. It is harder to be a Christian than it was even twenty years ago.

We are not being killed like our brothers and sisters in Christ overseas,  but we are in a place where our freedom of speech and freedom in general is being curtailed.

Often the butt of jokes and criticised for our faith, we are likened to children who believe in a fantasy: a God Who cares deeply for us is a stumbling block to many.

Workers can be dismissed for mentioning Jesus (although it is fine if they are using His Name as a curseword) and in some countries nurses have been dismissed for praying for a patient or simply wearing a cross around their neck...

We of all people are most misjudged and vilified by the world. When we stand up to society about matters that go against God such as same sex marriage, abortion and infanticide, we are told we are judgemental, unloving and biggotted.

What can we do? We can stand firm. Even if we can't stand physically, spiritually we stand firm. Our foundation is the Blood of Christ and His Word.

We live a life of faith and we aspire to be more Christ-like daily. We pray for ourselves, others and the world that it comes to a saving knowledge of God.

In our daily living, we stand firm in our convictions, no matter what the cost. This can be so difficult.

Shining our light in a dark world is never easy, but we must continue to shine. We must win the lost through our example, and our example should be Jesus.

Many have fallen away and backslidden. We must pray for them and pray daily for our own strength and commitment to Christ to stay firm.

It is imperative that we Christians, able bodied or not, stand firm. And we can. We have the Rock to cling to and the firm foundation of His Word. Will you stand firm?

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.  Matthew 10:22

How's your walk with the Lord?

To those of us who love the LORD, we tend to speak of Him among ourselves quite often. Often we talk about our walk with Him and pray for each other. To ask a Christian how their walk with the LORD is going is by no means offensive. Or it shouldn't be.

If you share a cuppa with me, we will be talking about our walk pretty soon into our tea and cake, and to my mind,  as Christians, this is normal. So you can imagine my shock when I inadvertently offended someone who was a professing Christian. 

Sipping on my tea, I casually asked, "So how's your walk with the LORD going?" She immediately recoiled and retorted, "I hate it when people ask me that! I am fine, I have everything I want. I don't need God now!"  Before I could respond, our husbands returned and the conversation died.

The rest of the afternoon, this woman was cold towards me, and I couldn't help reflecting on her spiritual life- or lack of it. Plus, I was worried for her. What will happen when she finds she does in fact, need God? And she will one day. We all do.

As she was a woman who was studying to become a Salvation Army soldier, I took it for granted that she loved the LORD. Or perhaps she did but saw Him as a genie who granted her whatever she desired, to be summoned only when she wanted something from Him. Perhaps this was the result of false teachings.

Certainly if this young woman had made a confession of faith in Christ but had limited understanding of grace and salvation, she would remain saved. Certainly Christ's atoning death would cover her sin if she was born-again but back-slidden.

God certainly would accept her if she in fact was unsaved and if the Holy Spirit brought her to a saving knowledge of Christ. But firstly she would have to see that her promoting herself as Christian and wanting to be in ministry in the spiritual condition she's in presently, is hypocrisy. 

I do think of her a lot, but am unable to approach the subject with her in person. But thankfully, it is not my job to bring her to Christ, or indeed to bring her to repentance. I am not the Holy Spirit. 

My job is to turn my concern for her into prayerful petitions to the Father for her salvation or closer walk with Him. God knows, I have a job making sure I am walking the walk and not just talking the talk!

At least by taking tea with her and asking that innocent question, I am now aware of her need for a deeper walk or a new walk. So I pray for her and leave it with God, and I still sometimes ask others, "How's your walk with the LORD?"

© Glenys Robyn Hicks 

He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8

Created To Be His Helpmeet..a dangerous book.

I am a conservative, non-feminist and submissive wife. Even though there were some good things regarding bringing women back to godly principles in marriage,  I found this book very disturbing.  I had been a severely abused wife for 25 years. So from the angle of an abused wife, I would like to comment and speak up for those women too afraid or unable to speak for themselves.

Chapter 2: The ugly hillbilly woman- the first and main reason she is accounted as ‘Ugly’ by Debi Pearl, is that she is overweight! As an overweight woman, that stung! I may be overweight, but my husband and family and friends have never even intimated that I am ugly! The fact that a smile can change this “worse than regular ugly!” woman is hogwash. It takes more than a smile to change a character- though a smile does indeed help. To say that the woman became unrecognizable when she was caught scowling because she was upset at her obese daughter taking candy is a bit far-fetched (unless her husband is short-sighted or dim-witted) However, I do agree that we must cultivate a happy disposition and smile. Our husbands and family need to see that.

When I first read the letter to the desperate wife whose husband was having an emotional affair with his secretary my first response was that Mrs Pearl’s advice was wrong. Then I reconsidered and thought that there was truth in the advice that if the wife stood up for her rights (and indeed she was in the right)- and fought to win her man back, then that would be the better way to approach it than to end the marriage. I have seen marriages almost ruined by affairs become stronger than ever where the wife has stood her ground. But if the marriage fails, why does Mrs Pearl attest that “if you get another husband, he will be like your old one- cast off by some other woman”? Who is she to say that with such conviction? It is not necessarily true or a given fact!

But it is so true that you cannot force or demand your husband to love you and that he cannot be pressured to love you because you are husband and wife. But why does love come into the equation in a Christian marriage? Where are commitment, understanding, compassion, forgiveness and other Christ-like attributes like forbearance, integrity and obligation to keep the marriage vows simply because God says we must?

If one person does not want to be in a marriage, it is a sad fact of life that sometimes no matter how much the spouse who wishes to remain in the marriage tries to please the errant spouse, then the one wanting out will often leave or make it impossible to stay in the marriage by becoming violent or aggressive. Then, because of hardness of heart of the errant spouse, the prayers and efforts of the faithful spouse come to naught. Why? Because we are carnal creatures at times- both men and women. God sometimes cannot soften a heart that is turned from Him because He will not violate our free will. However,I believe if you loved your husband enough, you would fight for him. Or stay in the marriage until it was impossible to remain safely in it.

We do see a bit of the “boys will be boys” mentality in this chapter, and I have to wonder if this is biased towards men being helpless creatures bewitched under the guiles of wicked women- Jezebels all. I know that men are called to account to God for their sins and being a man who can’t control his thought life and actions is not being a godly man. It does seem that the wife is to bear the burden of blame for her husband’s sin and then take it on the chin! And smile, smile, smile through her tears!

Another sore point with me is where she says,” being pitiful, hurt, discouraged and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage” coin. Men in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react in anger.”

As a woman who suffers from an illness that causes chronic pain and fatigue, I am so overjoyed to report that my husband doesn’t treat me as a faulty appliance which causes him great anger, but he cherishes me and tries to alleviate my suffering on bad days by sharing in my tasks and closing an eye to that which can’t be done on any particular day. After all, we promised to love each other in sickness and in health. Isn’t that type of commitment what God wants in marriage? So this chapter got me thanking God for the blessing of a husband who puts me first when I need it. (see Sick Wives Are Despised By Their Husbands: Debi Pearl)

Chapter 4: Thanksgiving produces joy. Whilst I can see Mrs Pearl’s point about not getting upset about the trash not being taken out, I think she is a little (much?) on the immature side when she finds screaming like that funny. IMO she is mighty fortunate to have a man who can see the funny side- especially when he has not been in the habit of taking trash out for her. And then to see her struggling week after week with the trash and not help her seems really inconsiderate to me.

Also I am uncomfortable that a woman who is teaching other women to be godly wives forgets that we are to be discreet- especially when our intimate lives are involved. It is not very discreet to almost hope that the business manager comes in and then to have a scream ready to embarrass the poor man! Yes, we are to be our husband’s playmate! I agree 100% but then I agree with the Word which clearly says: ” as a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.” Proverbs 11:22

To not care about the feelings of the business manager but in fact to entertain thoughts of him finding Mr and Mrs Pearl frolicking or worse yet, in fragrante delicto, is absolutely contrary to Scripture. We are not to be the cause of another person to stumble- apart from being very embarrassing to the staff, I am sure most of them would think Mr and Mrs Pearl extremely indiscreet and insensitive- lovemaking should be enjoyable, fun and PRIVATE!

Chapter 5: the gift of wisdom: In the beginning of this chapter, IMO Mrs Pearl is putting a great deal of pressure on the wife to be the prime force behind a successful marriage. If the marriage is not a heavenly one, it would seem in her opinion, that the wife is not submitting or being thankful and joyful. Whilst I agree that basically what she says is true, there are marriages where normal boundaries are overstepped and it is impossible to be thankful or joyful- for example after a beating or some other horrendously humiliating experience. Now it is extremely difficult if not impossible, to be thankful to and for the husband who is like this.

Marriage is a two-way street. A man is to love his wife as his own body- no man hates his own body but cherishes it (Ephesians 5:28) To completely negate this by saying that a wife should love and respect her husband regardless is OK- to a point. But what of the badly abused wife? It is impossible to be a loving responsive wife in the evening after that same man has bruised you physically and emotionally during the day. At best our body can be receptive, but our heart cannot join in with loving responses. The fear overrides all else.

I feel Mrs Pearl is totally unable to empathise with a wife who is badly abused and to add the pressure of maintaining or creating a “heavenly” marriage in such a case is not only impossible but invites the poor woman to break down emotionally or even doubt or lose her faith! Mrs Pearl is preaching the truth for the majority of marriages- but not for all!

As a woman nearly beaten to the point of death in my first marriage, I take great exception to this:(the abusive harsh husband)…”But he cannot victimize you unless you react outside of the wisdom of God.” This is such hogwash! When your jaw is dislocated or your ribs broken, it is a normal reaction to feel pain. Then to fear being hurt like that again. It is hopeful that the godly woman will turn to God in her pain and not feel rejected by Him. To even continue in a marriage like this takes more faith and obedience than Mrs Pearl will ever know personally.

I did as Mrs Pearl advocates: I held my tongue and didn’t strike back in anger. I tried not to feel sorry for myself and protected HIM from the consequences of his sin by not going to the law and telling my doctor lies about how my injuries came about. I understand what Mrs Pearl is saying but I also understand that there are some men walking so much in sin that it goes WAY BEYOND TRASH BAGS NOT BEING TAKEN OUT. Preaching like Mrs Pearl’s saw me come to the point of a nervous breakdown.

When you feel like God doesn’t intervene or care or if you leave your husband, that you are going to Hell, and are therefore trapped in a cycle of abuse that makes you vomit up everything you eat because of fear, then you have nowhere to go but down into the pit of Hell itself. I am adamant that God does care, and doesn’t want any wife to be treated in this way. But I realise that on the other side of the coin, there are many wives who will justify leaving their husbands for a minor infringement like not taking the trash out! So this chapter has to be read assuming that a marriage is not in the extreme range of violence against the woman.

I wasn’t going to get personal in my critique, but maybe some women reading this will identify and be helped by what I write! Balance, dear Sisters, balance and wisdom in ALL things! So this chapter to me is one where I nod and turn the page over!

I have made notes of other things both good and bad to comment on, but I now realise that in all honesty, the more I delve into this book, the more I find it disturbs me. There are too many things that Debi Pearl writes about that are not backed up by scripture and in other situations, I feel that she and Michael offer no real answer for those married to men who are habitually abusing their wives. I am not really well enough at the moment to write about each and every chapter, so I will make a blanket critique of this book by saying in my opinion,  the advice is often unrealistic and even dangerous- especially about keeping silent if you are a wife suffering from abuse.

My belief is that when a wife comes to the point of shedding blood or having bones broken by her husband then the authorities should be notified, her doctor should be consulted and treatment given and her pastor should be informed. I regret that I followed the “suffering in silence” method of dealing with my own physical abuse and almost ended up dying at my ex husband’s hands. To counsel women along the lines of silent suffering is not wise counsel and downright dangerous.

So in closing, I would say that I have changed my mind about recommending the book- I would caution all those who read it to keep in mind that husbands do indeed have no right before God or man to so damage their wife that she suffer real physical damage. Christian or not- the red line is crossed when a woman or child is hit enough to cause any damage.

We have many excellent books on Christian marriage that are equally good in bringing women back to remembering that they are helpmeets. IMO the Pearls book is not totally backed up in scripture and is therefore erroneous teaching and dangerous as well. I now would say that my findings are 90% rubbish and 10% good teaching. If you are in a marriage where you are not living in fear every waking moment, praise God! I am happy for you, however, I am speaking up for thousands of godly Christian Sisters who are not! They need your prayers and compassion badly- something that Debi and Michael Pearl seem to be lacking!

Here are some books that are by far better than CTBHH:

“The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective” by Martha Peace.

Leslie Vernick’s ‘How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong’

Gary Chapman: ‘The 5 Love Languages’ and ‘On the Marriage You Always Wanted.’

"The Power Of A Positive Wife” by Karol Ladd

‘Feminine Appeal: 7 Virtues of a Godly Wife’ and

‘Mother and/or Biblical Womanhood in the Home’…both written by Nancy Leigh Demoss.

Other greats include ‘Lord, Meet Me in the Laundry Room’ by Barbara Curtis as well as

‘The Mother at Home’.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so. Acts 17:11

Sick wives despised by their husbands

I have recently read Debi Pearl's book "Created To Be His Helpmeet" Frankly, I think the book is scripturally unsound and borders on demeaning and insulting to women. What Debi Pearl says about the sick wife is just one area where I find a lack of compassion and an almost mysogynistic outlook. Here is what she says:

"being pitiful, hurt, discouraged and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage” coin. Men in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react in anger.”

As a woman who suffers from illnesses that cause chronic pain and fatigue, I am so overjoyed to report that my husband doesn’t treat me as a faulty appliance which causes him great anger, but he cherishes me and tries to alleviate my suffering on bad days by sharing in my tasks and closing an eye to that which can’t be done on any particular day. After all, we promised to love each other in sickness and in health. Isn’t that type of commitment what God wants in marriage? So this chapter got me thanking God for the blessing of a husband who puts me first when I need it.

We sacrificial home keepers have enough on our plates already: trying to cope with our illness, be a good wife and mother and run our home. We often deal with disbelieving family members when the illness is an invisible illness like fibromyagia and chronic fatigue. Most likely you too have thought, like I do, that sometimes it would be easier to have an illness or disability that is highly visible rather than endure snide remarks about laziness and so on as we battle on.

Debi and Michael Pearl lack compassion, empathy and love. In my opinion, they lack many Christlike attributes that are the hallmark of a Christian. To put such a heavy yoke onto a sick woman's shoulders is to cause her added stress and anxiety. It is not the way of Christ.

I believe that the majority of sick women fight a courageous battle and do an overwhelmingly good job of being a Helpmeet to their husband. They are usually the hardest on themselves for they want to do that which their healthier Sisters do and they often fail. They do not need the likes of some author (Christian or not), putting the boot in and blaming them for their husbands' anger and spiritual unease. Nor do they need to be made anxious about their marriage.

Over the years, I have observed marriages where the wife is ill and I have seen that the majority of husbands are not as Debi Pearl claims. They love their wife and usually do all they can to support her in her homemaking efforts. They bring their children in line and demand that they take their mothers' health into consideration.

This is the love Christ wants for us, not the "love" portrayed by Debi Pearl. We would do well to reject her ideas on the sick spouse and to thank God that we have the Holy Spirit to lead us into Truth. He is indeed our Comforter.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks



And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Matthew 14:14

Being there for our children

When I grew up in the 50's and 60's the majority of mothers stayed home with their children and didn't baulk at being there. We grew up with Mother always being home when we got home from school, offering us milk and cookies, supervising play and homework, cooking dinner and folding up the laundry. If she wasn't home when we got home it felt as if the world had turned on its axis! Mum was our world and we pitied the few kids at school whose mums worked outside the home! Mum being there was our anchor of security and it is one of the memories of childhood I have where I felt happy and secure. Gradually I noticed that more and more of my friend's mums were working outside the home and I remember one friend in particular who would go home from school, set the dinner table, feed the dogs, and play with me until her mother came home, which was my sign to make tracks home because my dinner would just about be ready. I would skip home glad to know Mum was there bustling around the kitchen or putting her day's laundry over the airer in front of the fire. It was a routine that was as predictable as the setting of the sun. How sad I felt for my friend coming home to an empty house. She may have her gold bracelets and an Osmond's fountain pen that we couldn't afford- but young as I was, I knew which side my bread was buttered on- and as far as I was concerned, I would rather have my Mum home than the pink and white bedroom suite and carpeted bedroom my friend had all to herself. I would gladly share mine with my sister and have Mum where she was. I still feel sad for her today- to my mind she had everything except the most important- a stay at home mother. Today's world has changed so much. Often mothers have to work to provide for their children- and they do a wonderful of job of balancing motherhood and career. But an awful lot of women who could stay home with their children have been hood-winked into believing that they don't contribute to society by staying home with their children! They do not see the value in teaching and training of their children, and they are blind to the infinite blessing of nurturing to the spirit of their babies by just being there- at home! Never before has motherhood taken such a pounding by feminists, employers, TV commercials urging us to consume more and more whilst leaving the most precious of things- our children, under the care of daycare centres and people who give good care but no real love to their children. How I long for those mothers to catch a glimpse of their children's spirits as they are left day after day in the care of people who only see nurturing these children as a job, not a privilege. They are being deprived of the security of knowing that Mom is with them all day, in their own home. They don't care that the house may not be the biggest, they are just as warm in K-mart clothes as designer labels, but they do care that they are deprived of their Mum's time- they just can't express it yet! How do you know they care that their Mum isn't there you say?- I know because I have seen children woken up at early hours from warm beds or cots to be bundled hurriedly into cars to be taken to daycare! I have seen their looks of bewilderment and seen how long it takes for them to settle- granted initially at first- fortunately for them, children are amazingly resilient. And I have seen the look of delight when they see Mum come to pick them up, and I have seen too the little head nuzzling into Mummy's neck soaking up the scent of Mum and her body warmth! Heaven in a child's world! I have seen little ones clinging to carers who are forbidden to attach to one child for too long in case they bond- thus making it difficult to cope with said child if that carer isn't available on any given day! I have seen misery inside those gaily painted daycare centres where all care is taken- but no bonding is allowed. What a stage setting for bonding problems in the adult kids! If a mother could just see inside her child's heart for a moment she would reconsider her position as a working mother. She would stay at home with her children and cut her cloth accordingly. Her education would not be wasted for there is a great challenge in balancing finances on one wage, being a wise mother, cook, nutritionist, nurse, play supervisor, educator and above all else, companion and guide to little ones eager to emulate her. She would find true happiness in herself as she is less pressured for time, and she would have the enjoyment of knowing that she has made the most of the few precious years we have with our children. Our young children want their Mummies, and our older children are looking for something that is lacking- something in their spirit that is empty- the joy of being wanted- and nurtured and loved. Before the car, the house, the clothes, the toys. Before the holidays, the big Christmas presents, the expensive lap-tops. They are hungry for love and bonding. Don't let that be with strangers who offer them acceptance and belonging as they ply them with drugs! You be the one! You are the one they long for! Take back the house keys and stop them being latch-key kids before it's too late. Just be there, Mum. Make a decision in faith that God will provide for your needs- this is His Will for all mothers- it is part of His great plan! If you ever needed to be needed, it's now!  Don't think your boss can't get by without you- he can, but your kids can't. Not if they are going to be godly, loving, confident adults and parents, they can't. But it starts with you. Will you be a part of God's plan in motherhood? Will you trust Him to meet your needs? But most importantly, will you just be there for them? © Glenys Robyn Hicks "But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19

Talking of sin- a study part 1

Often the world sees Christians as hypocrites and fakes because we sin and miss the mark in being perfect. But that does not make us anything other than human. We are still Christians when we sin. God's grace knows no bounds. The Holy Spirit will convict us of sin, and on repentance of that sin, we are forgiven. It is because we all fail and sin that we need our Saviour. Where sin abounds, God's grace abounds even further. I believe that we can overstep the mark and become so far from the ways of God that we will not heed the conviction of the Spirit, and that is a dangerous place to be, but to say that someone who is sinning is not a Christian and has lost his/her salvation is simply not true.

We sin every day. All of us. We live by God's grace and are saved by His blood and faith. We don't earn it- it is a free gift of God. To be that far away from the things of God that you are in danger of losing your salvation is a very rare occurrence, Praise God. My belief from the Scriptures is that we will always have the Spirit yearning over us and bringing us back into the fold. Backsliders always have God's eye of concern over them. He doesn't love the sin, but loves the sinner. It is not as if one day we are tucked up in the bed saved and roll over to land on the floor unsaved. God's grace and love is deeper than we can imagine- which one of us would have willingly sent our only Son to die for anyone as He did? I sin every day- for I am not perfect! But I repent and get right back on track! We all sin- because there is only One Who is perfect! Thank God that He is our Judge, and not man! What a sorry state we all would be in!

God’s Word says, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick...For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." (Matthew 9:12-13)

God's Word also says that, "There is none righteous, no, not one." (Romans 3:10)

God's Word also says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Grace is God working in us to accomplish His purposes at the expense of Christ. Would we doubt that He has that power? Would we belittle the sacrifice He made on the cross for us?
Certainly a Christian can sin - much of the New Testament is an instruction manual for Christians, because God knew we would need it. And backsliding, well I guess that depends on perspective. In God's eyes, all sin is equal. Murder is equal to a less than pleasant thought about another person. So when is backsliding, well, backsliding? Is it when you or I deem it so based on our own personal standards? Or is it when we sin at all? Backsliding is when we stop walking in the Spirit and walk in the flesh. We go our own way! But it is forgiven as soon as the backslider repents.

God's Word also says that we inherited Adam's sin nature, death. (Romans 5:12-13; actually all of Romans 5 really explains this well) We are born sinful, and as long as we are on this earth we cannot separate ourselves from our inherited nature.

When we become Christians, God's Word never promises we would be without sin, just that we would have the Holy Spirit ever-present in our lives to help us (Romans 8:11) and that Jesus would be sitting at the right hand of God the Father in Heaven pleading on our behalf to forgive our sins (Romans 8:34). Furthermore, God's Word says, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12)

We have been given an amazing gift that none of us can comprehend from who else but the all-powerful, all-knowing, holy, righteous, sovereign, and perfect God. Will any one of us ever be deserving of this gift, this honour? Absolutely not. But He has given it to us regardless of what we have done or what we will do, because of His inexplicable love for us.

The scripture teaches us that we were bought by Christ through His redemption of us by His Blood. We belong to Him. We have been sealed by the Holy Spirit. Christ dwells in us and we in Him. However, because we are human and flesh, we DO sin. We all sin everyday- no matter how hard we try not to. We try not to sin and be perfect even as the Father is perfect- yet we cannot help ourselves. Sin can be anything- thoughts, words, actions- some so subtle that we don't realise that we have sinned. Even to gossip, look at anything unsavoury in a book or film, cuss or just feel a sense of selfish anger or pride- is sin. We can't help but sin. That is not to say we all go out and murder or have adulterous affairs or whatever. Sin is a part of our life- no matter how hard we try not to.

If we deny that we sin, then the truth is not in us! Christians do sin- we are not perfect- just forgiven! Because Christ has redeemed us on the Cross, we belong to Him. He promises that whoever eats and drinks of His flesh and blood will have Everlasting life. I believe that! God's forgiveness and compassion is there for our Brothers and Sisters in Christ who backslide- backsliding is repented of as soon as one returns to God. The Holy Spirit never leaves us- God promised that to us. He said, I will send you the Helper! Why? Because we need His help! He said He would not leave us orphans- He didn't. And although it sometimes feels like God has deserted us, it is always us who have done the moving! That is a good time to check our life and pray through it. God does not leave us because we have sinned. He convicts us and yearns jealously over us! Why? Because we belong to Him and He loves us. He tells us that we can never be separated from His love.

I used to battle with fear over the Unpardonable Sin. I didn't understand it. But there is only one way you can commit that-by totally turning away from all things of God, Forever. God just can’t reach you. I don't think any of us who worry about sinning need lose any sleep over this. We obviously still are tender to the things of God. I believe that it is an extremely rare thing for God to reject that which He has redeemed and sealed with His Spirit. Backsliding is not the Unpardonable Sin. There is always hope for the backslider, in fact, as long as we live, there is hope for everyone who has breath!

It seems to me that some Christians are dwelling on some theology that is grounded on fear and until you come to realise how loved we all are in the LORD, you will not enjoy that glorious feeling of acceptance, love and forgiveness in all its fullness. Don't let Jesus's invitation of peace and joy in your salvation be spoilt by misunderstanding the scriptures. I did that for years. We have God's grace and are covered by His Blood, adopted as joint heirs with Christ as Sons (or daughters) of God, and we are justified through that covering. However, we continue to be under a state of grace and justification because God keeps us redeemed and sealed by His Spirit.  More next post....

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Feminism has burst our bubble

When I was a young woman feminism was just rearing its ugly head. It swept through womankind in the Western world and excited them as they plowed through piles of ironing and household chores. It promised liberation from drudgery and new freedom in the world outside the home.

No longer was it acceptable to be a home maker, serving our husband and family, but it denigrated us women, making us appear as mindless creatures who couldn't think for ourselves. We women, happy to bear and raise our children,  were despised and even pitied.

It became easier to have an abortion and with the advent of The Pill, the reproductive cycle of womankind was controlled. Fornication, adultery and promiscuity became the norm with women often becoming the more sexually aggressive of the sexes. With these changes and with the ensuing disrespect for their husbands, no fault divorce was made law and many many marriages failed.

Young girls were not shown home making skills but were taught to study hard and go to university and have a career. Many found to their dismay later in life, that they didn't know how to run a home or cook. The newest generation became latch key children and often came home to an empty house.

Feminism was touted as a woman's right, along with having a career and not having children later on if they even married. And like many feminists, many found that by the time they were ready for children, that they were unable to conceive. 

Feminism for the most part, has been successful. The woman who longs to be a wife and mother and not work outside the home is treated contemptuously by society in general, even in church circles. She often is made to feel inferior every time the question is asked as to what she does for a living. Apparently, being a woman who works hard in her home is nothing warranting praise. 

For the woman who wants to have a lot of children, there is nothing but raised eyebrows and smart comments when they find out another child is expected. It is a common thing today to be ousted from society because one does not follow the world's way but delights in being a Proverbs 31 wife.

However, there is now a draw back to feminism, with many women wanting to be stay at home wives and mothers, but such is the thrust of feminism that many husbands do not want their wives to give up work. Women are therefore stuck in the rut that feminism has created for them.

Pregnancy is often something that women are made to curtail or postpone because of their career, and the longing to have a child is often suppressed with a great burden of guilt to boot.

Feminism goes against God's Divine Order and His plan for biblical womanhood. It has done a lot of harm to women, marriage and families and has made women ill from trying to keep it all together.

Far from the freedom that they strove for, feminism has created a bondage for women and actually limits their potential. There is no way back for society generally and there's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Feminism has burst our bubble.

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

Isaiah 3:11-13 Woe unto the wicked! it shall be ill with him: for the reward of his hands shall be given him. As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. The LORD standeth up to plead, and standeth to judge the people.

Of surrender and respite

Accepting that one's life is going to be difficult due to ongoing illness makes for a happier life. When the chronically ill person decides to give it to God, and to cling to Him instead of succumbing to false guilt or anger, life takes on a normality in what many would see as anything but. It is a surrender, if you will.

Because we suffer does not make us second-class Christians, as some false teachings would purport. Nor does it mean we are faithless or aren't reading our Bibles or standing on the promises of God regarding healing. 

Furthermore, being ill does not check us out of God's watchful Eye of concern, or mean that He is an uncompassionate God. No, we all are subject to frailties and problems in the flesh because we live in a fallen world... we have not been singled out to suffer...

God has given us things to do in our suffering and it is important that we stay close to Him and continue to read the Word and pray. It is not that God has moved, when He feels far away during a flare or illness, but our emotions are also hurting as a result of our condition. 

It is important to pray that God heal us, and to ask the Church to anoint us with oil according to the Scriptures... It is essential to our emotional and spiritual health to  stay in the faith and believe that God can heal us, but to pray for strength until- or even IF it is His will to do so.

I know that should/when another fibromyalgia flare comes for me that I will have to cling to Jesus and reread what I have written here (for I write it for myself as well as you).  I will need to surrender this next painful chapter of my life, knowing that God will still be there for me.

Surrendering our pain and our life to God is the only thing we can do.... meanwhile, I thank Him for the few days of respite....

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him,anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.  James 5:13-15

Taking my medicine gladly

There was a time when I fought taking medicines. It was at a time when the sermons were about what you say is what you get. Claiming your healing in Jesus' Name and getting healed: if you didn't, you lacked the faith to make it so. I now believe that this is unbalanced teaching and do not follow it. However, at the time it made me feel very guilty about taking my medicine.

I do believe that God heals today. And I do believe that faith can make you well. But I have lived long enough with chronic illness to know that this doesn't happen all the time and that most times our prayer should be "if it is Thy will, please heal me!" Faith teachings often miss the fact that God is God! His Will may not be an immediate healing...I don't know why: I just know that I must accept my health as being in His Will. To struggle against this is to make yourself worse through faulty and negative thinking. We are called to walk in faith, not by sight.

In those years, I felt extremely guilty because I suffered from depression that was caused by a chemical imbalance. I tried many times to come off my tablets, usually after a healing crusade, and I fell- straight into the Pit of Despair. This fall often required more medication than before to get me to the place of health I was in when I thought I had been healed. And it took many many weeks of feeling awful before they kicked in again. Not a good place to be.

As I grew in my faith and relinquished my health to the LORD, I acquired many more medications. All of them are vitally important to keep my heart functioning, my blood pressure normal, my blood thin, my cholesterol down, to prevent my kidneys from making kidney stones and to regulate my under active thyroid. Not to mention other things to keep my eyes from drying out and to minimise the pain of fibromyalgia and back problems and to reduce the gastric acid that some medications cause. And of course, the anti-depressants to normalise my neuro-transmitters.

Once I would have held these tablets in my hand and fought taking them. Not any more. I now adopt a spirit of gratitude as I take my medications, for without them I would not be alive for very long. I feel that my medications are a gift from God to allow me to love and serve Him a little longer here and now. Life is after all, God's Will and I am grateful for each new day.

I believe that God gave man the ability to make medications and that ensuring a better quality of life is in God's Will. For Christ came to give us abundant life. Laying in a sick bed with angina and pain is not an abundant life.

I would urge you to have a rethink about your medicines if you have been told that they aren't in God's Will for you. Try to adopt a glad and grateful attitude as you take them. Rejoice that you live in a place in the world where they are available and be glad. Joy and life are in the Will of God, or else why would we see Christ healing many ill and afflicted people? He told us He came to do the Will of His Father!

May you be well, no matter what it takes and may we bless the LORD together for His goodness to us!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him. Acts 10:38

Even Jesus served meals!

All of us Christian wives who are seeking to live life according to God’s Word, are bombarded by feminist teaching and other unscriptural advice. We are further alienated from our sisters who work part-time because society sees them as contributing whereas it portrays us as parasitic!

So great is the attack on us, that often we sit scratching our heads and wondering if they could be right. As in all things, we would do well to seek what the Word of God says.

I have compiled some feminist and ungodly views and I have answered them with the Word. As always, we see the Truth of a housewife’s value in God’s sight is revealed in His Word. I am sure you can find other verses such as Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 that show how God feels about our work in the home.

Feminist and worldly view

“A parasite sucking out the living strength of another organism…the housewife’s labor does not even tend toward the creation of anything durable…. Woman’s work within the home is not directly useful to society, produces nothing. The housewife is subordinate, secondary, and parasitic. It is for their common welfare that the situation must be altered by prohibiting marriage as a ‘career’ for woman.” The Second Sex, 1949 by Simone de Beauvoir
Isaiah 3:11-13 Woe unto the wicked! it shall be ill with him: for the reward of his hands shall be given him. As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. The LORD standeth up to plead, and standeth to judge the people.

“[The] housewife is a nobody, and [housework] is a dead-end job. It may actually have a deteriorating effect on her mind…rendering her incapable of prolonged concentration on any single task. [She] comes to seem dumb as well as dull. [B]eing a housewife makes women sick.” — Sociologist Jessie Bernard in The Future of Marriage, 1982.
Proverbs 31:27 “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat of the bread of idleness.”

“[As long as the woman] is the primary caretaker of childhood, she is prevented from being a free human being.” — Kate Millett, Sexual Politics, 1969.
Proverbs 31:28 “Her children arise and call her blessed…”

“[Housewives] are dependent creatures who are still children…parasites.” — Gloria Steinham, “What It Would Be Like If Women Win,” Time, August 31, 1970.
Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes

“[Housewives] are mindless and thing-hungry…not people. [Housework] is peculiarly suited to the capacities of feeble-minded girls. [It] arrests their development at an infantile level, short of personal identity with an inevitably weak core of self…. [Housewives] are in as much danger as the millions who walked to their own death in the concentration camps. [The] conditions which destroyed the human identity of so many prisoners were not the torture and brutality, but conditions similar to those which destroy the identity of the American housewife.” — Betty Frieden, The Feminine Mystique, 1963.
Psalm 127: 3-5 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

“[A]s long as the family and the myth of the family and the myth of maternity and the maternal instinct are not destroyed, women will still be oppressed…. No woman should be authorized to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one. It is a way of forcing women in a certain direction.” — Simone de Beauvoir, “Sex, Society, and the Female Dilemma,” Saturday Review, June 14, 1975
Titus 2:4-5 “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

[I]f even 10 percent of American women remain full-time homemakers, this will reinforce traditional views of what women ought to do and encourage other women to become full-time homemakers at least while their children are very young…. If women disproportionately take time off from their careers to have children, or if they work less hard than men at their careers while their children are young, this will put them at a competitive disadvantage vis-a-vis men, particularly men whose wives do all the homemaking and child care…. This means that no matter how any individual feminist might feel about child care and housework, the movement as a whole had reasons to discourage full-time homemaking.” — Jane J. Mansbridge, Why We Lost the ERA, 1986.
1 Timothy 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

We who make marriage and home our career usually do so at great personal expense. It is much more difficult to make ends meet on one wage and it is often made more difficult because of society’s general view of the stay at home wife and mother.  We become unwise when we look at our life's work in service to God and family through the world's eyes, not God's.  We must bring our thoughts into captivity of Christ.... Who not only came to die, but came to serve. Even in the miracles of the fish and later in cooking breakfast for the disciples. Jesus saw meal making and feeding hungry people as service of great price!

In order to grasp the freedom and beauty of being a full time homemaker, we must come back periodically to the Word. Only in doing so will we see the true value of our calling in Christ, Who Himself came as a Servant to redeem us...


© Glenys Robyn Hicks

But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: Philippians 2: 7

Focus on love

What are we,  as Christian parents,  to think and more importantly do when Godly discipline turns deadly  and  a little child is senselessly killed at the hand of his parents desperately  hoping only to "train up a child in the way he should go"?

Nearly four years ago, I wrote about out the death of Sean Paddock at the hand of his mother, Lynn Paddock. Paddock was eventually convicted of her son's murder.

A week ago another couple, Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz, were charged with the death of their seven year old daughter, Lydia. Her eleven year old sister, Zariah, was recently released from the hospital. The parents are scheduled to appear in court in just a few days.

These two tragic events have at least one common thread - the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl. Those that have been reading my blog for a while know that I have written multiple posts critical of the Pearls and their child training and marriage materials.

In one very lengthy and detailed post, A Switch or A Cross, I wrote about the lack of clarity in the Pearl's teachings, including methods which I feared could lead loving well-intentioned parents, especially mothers, to extreme disciplinary actions toward their own children. I wrote,

After listening to Mr. Pearl at a seminar a few years ago, I came away with a very different interpretation than what I had when I only read the book To Train Up a Child and some newsletters. As everyone does, I took my background and applied it to the material. After the seminar, I realized my idea of training was very different than Mr. Pearls. His method of training and answers to specific questions were not exactly what I thought appropriate in many areas. I began to realize that if I could misinterpret it so could others. While my misinterpretation may not be harmful some else's very well could be. I don't know what is going on in other homes.

Now consider what Laura Mather, a friend of the Schatz family, wrote about Lydia's mother,

"Elizabeth, the mother, is possibly the warmest person I’ve ever known. One of the hardest things for me, has been squaring the soft, meek woman I know with the hard cold fact of a dead child (and another who was at that time critically injured and fighting for her life).

Her feelings capture exactly why I stopped reading and recommending the Pearl's material. As parents, most of us could never imagine the possibility that within a mother we know lies the potential to harm. But the deceptively alluring promise of complete obedience and sinless perfection does indeed lead parents astray and, in the worst cases, do the unthinkable. Especially when you have an author like Michael Pearl admonishing parents in very emphatic terms not to reject his teaching,

"If you do not see the wisdom in what I have said, and you reject these concepts, you are not fit to be a parent. I pity your children. They will never experience the freedom of soul and conscience that mine do."

And just what is this wise counsel that will make us fit to parent and will liberate our children's soul and conscience? Never show mercy, not even one time.

Consistency on your part will break that habit in just a few days. Never threaten, and never show mercy. One squeak of a scream gets a switching. (NGJ, Vol 1, pg 26)

The idea that a parent is never to show mercy is absurd and leaves only the choice of a rod as the solution to childish infractions. To Schatz that allegedly meant showing no mercy to her daughter for "mispronouncing a word during a homeschool reading lesson."

However, contrary to Pearl's self-proclaimed wisdom, God's Word says clearly that mercy has a definite place and judgment is reserved for those who never show any,

Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!" James 2:13

Laura's husband, Paul Mather, on his blog and in Salon pleads for the Christian church to speak up and speak out.

"I would love to see the people rise up and say no to the Pearls, that this will not stand. I would love to see the Pearl system become anathema, disgusting, and shunned by the world. I would love to see the Pearls out of a job. Before another child dies."

I said no to the Pearls years ago and will once again add my voice to the Mathers, TulipGirl, Timberdoodle, Karen Campbell, Virginia Knowles and a growing chorus that pleads, enough!

Homeschooling father, author, and conference speaker, Rob Shearer commented on the recent tragedy and summed it all up very nicely,

Every child is a precious gift from God and dear to His heart. Even when they stomp their feet and disobey – it is a misguided sense of pride to think that this in anyway impugns our position, dignity, or competence as parents.

Focus on love – not on creating an image of obedience and perfection. by Spunky of Spunky Homeschool

Blessings, Glenys


For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment. James 2:1

Behind closed doors

She came to our Pastors' wife. Battered and worn out from years of domestic violence and abuse, she looked like a frightened and nervous child. At 34, she had seen more violence and had been on the receiving end of more blows than most people even dreamed about.

Not knowing why exactly she had come, she sought the Pastors wife out for prayer and godly advice, not really expecting anything more than an arm around her and Gods' peace- for she needed Him so desperately!

With her stomach aching and bruised in places one never sees, she told her sad tale of spousal rape, an assault that not only caused much physical damage 5 weeks after major womens' surgery, but which left her terrified of her husband. Sleeping in the bed with him was a torment that birthed nightmares and a feeling of suffocation: an aftermath of him smothering out her screams with her pillow.

What did this hurting woman receive? Certainly not compassion: her ears rang as she was told that he had his needs! After all, 5 weeks is a long time for a man! She replied that she had just had surgery. Stitches. Repairs! She was feeling dreadfully alone and condemned. Especially when she was told that there are other things you could do for him! Oh yes, but not to a cold man who disliked kissing and other displays of affection.

Choking on her tears, the frightened wife told her that she hadn't denied him, had just asked for gentleness this one time. But what followed was the worst rape and rage that she had ever known in her then 18 years of marriage.

Unable to share this in public and afraid to cast her husband in a bad light with her family, she turned to the only place where she could perhaps find her God and feel Him in her life again. A God Who watched silently while she suffered, it seemed to her.

Instead she was thrown to the lions. Shot by her own. Condemned and made to feel ashamed and guilty for the act of a sadistic man. Betrayed and humiliated, she left the Pastors' office after being further admonished to cook better, forgive and forget and to remember that he was an unbeliever thus a 'poor sinner', unable to help himself. Oh yes, and she was to smile! And with a witness like that, he would be sure to come to Christ! It was almost verbatim the advice that Debi Pearl gives in her dangerous book, Created To Be His Helpmeet. And the book hadn't even been written!

Where is this woman today? Well, fortunately, God did meet her in her darkest hour. She cooked better, prayed harder, believed for a miracle of love to be born, stayed for another 7 years and suffered from sleep deprivation and fear. She walked on egg shells but kept believing that God would change her husband.

Finally, unable to keep any food down for fear, she decided that she couldn't bear any more. She timidly approached her husband one night, and asked him to seek marriage counselling or she would be gone in the morning. His response was the same as always: he had done nothing wrong. Marriage counselling was a waste of time he said: indeed, he wouldn't know for he opted not to attend each time a session had been arranged. She told him she would be gone in the morning and he agreed, "OK, go!"

She took only the clothes on her back and her baby photos, carried in two garbage bags for she was afraid to take anything that he would come after her for. She found a church that was compassionate and loving. She divorced him. Four years later, God blessed her with a godly new husband who loves her and who allowed her to start living at the ripe old age of 45! And her children rejoiced for her!

What would this woman say to you if you are abused? She would tell you to use sound judgement and remove yourself and your children from all harm. She would say that you should give your abusive husband time to repent before initiating divorce proceedings, and that you should give God time to work in your husbands' heart.

However, she would say that if there is no change after a few years or if there is threat of him coming after you, that you should consider a divorce. Life is precious and she now knows that we serve a God Who cares deeply about what goes on with His children, even behind closed doors.

I know she would advise you not to take to heart the advice for abused wives from Debi and Michael Pearl in Created To Be His Helpmeet, but to use common sense. She also would tell you to stand strong against the stigma you *may* receive if you divorce: your divorce is a matter between you and God and is not the unpardonable sin. He knows what may go on behind closed doors!

Finally, she would tell you to not suffer in silence and risk death as she did. If you are Christians, she would tell you that domestic violence is not a sole practice of the heathen: it *can* and *does* occur in the Church.

She would be the first to put an arm around you and pray for you, admonishing you to never throw away your confidence that is in Christ: no matter where or when trouble comes, He does see and does care. God calls us to live in peace... that is what she would lovingly tell you. I know this because, that girl was me.

Yes, God hates divorce, but He also hates the violence and treachery that leads to it!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Malachi 2:14

When a woman is abused...

As most of you know, I was a badly abused wife for 25 long years... when I found this post today, I cried.  It was as if the writer had seen inside my heart...

One can heal from spousal abuse if they are lucky enough to break free of it, but as well as physical scars, there are often emotional scars that never go away...

If you are an abused wife who is in danger, or your children are in danger, it is imperative that you get to safety somehow.  Unfortunately, many women die at the hands of a husband or partner....

There is terrible advice being given to abused Sisters today.... and in particular via Debi Pearl.

For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for [one] covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.  Malachi 2:16 

Malachi 2:16 tells us that God hates divorce BUT He also hates the violence and treachery some use against their spouse, thus making the marriage an unsafe place to be....  here are those words in the post  by Joyful Mother.... 

(Statistics tell us that approximately one in three women are abused at some point in their life. That means that if you yourself are not abused then surely you know someone who is.)

If a Christian woman is abused by her husband, whether the abuse is emotional, physical, spiritual or sexual, it isn’t because
she didn’t submit enough,
she hasn’t tried hard enough,
she didn’t love him enough,
she didn’t spend enough time in prayer for her husband
and for their marriage,
that she didn’t study the Word
or didn’t believe the Word
or didn’t try to obey the Word with everything within her.

If she gets to the point where she is thinking about separating from her husband, or even divorcing him, after many hours of prayer and many hours of Bible study and more tears than you could ever even begin to imagine, it doesn’t necessarily follow that

she never loved him,
she is a feminist,
that she wants to be separated or divorced,
that she doesn’t believe in biblical womanhood,
that she didn’t long for a traditional marriage,
that she didn’t try hard enough to be a good wife,
that she isn’t a good Christian.

If you should happen to meet a woman who has been abused, you will probably think that she is
distant,
cold,
self-involved,
shy.

Most likely this is because she is
shattered,
broken,
alone
and confused.

If you have never walked in her steps, if you’ve never heard the words designed to destroy you coming from the mouth of the one who swore before God and others that he would love you forever, if you’ve never been, literally and physically backed into a corner with absolutely no way out, then you probably have absolutely no clue how

betrayed,
devastated,
shocked,
heart-broken
and hurt an abused woman feels.

If a woman has been beaten down, physically or emotionally, and she is brave enough to seek help,
go to her,
applaud her,
pray for her and with her,
and help her,
because, most likely, she has absolutely no idea what she is going to do next.

Her fear and confusion will be even more evident, more overwhelming, more devastating to her if she has children. Remember that and love her and love her children, also.
Comfort them,
pray for them,
listen to them,
do something kind for them,
let them know that someone cares
even if their daddy doesn’t.

Emotional abuse, physical abuse, spiritual abuse and sexual abuse of wives is real and far more common than most folks realize. It happens even in what others perceive to be “Christian” families. Even if the abuse is just aimed at the wife, the children will still be injured from the fallout. Frequently, though, it isn’t just fallout that hurts them; abusers of wives often go on to become abusers of children, too.

Often abuse doesn’t stop with just words even if that is where it starts. If a man will break his wife with his words, many times, he will manifest force against her somehow, someway, sometime. It just might bleed out to the children, also.Abuse isn’t the wife’s fault. It isn’t the children’s fault. No one deserves to be hurt like this.

If you know about a case of domestic abuse, consider that perhaps God has put you here with this family and has prepared you for such a time as this. If so, you have an obligation to

pray,

to love,

to be available to her as she tries to rebuild her life

and the lives of her children,

to listen

and listen again and again,

to cry with her,

to protect,

to defend,

to get her and her children to safety if need be

and to help her start over.

When it is over, when she has taken the step to protect her and her children that she never dreamed that she would ever have to take, remember that she doesn’t need condemnation, she needs assurance that she is accepted and safe with you and in her church.

Keep in mind that…

her dreams are gone, help her to dream new ones;

her life is shattered, help her to build it again;

her children need love and guidance, see yourself as part of their healing;

she herself needs a friend, be one

and always, always pray for her and for her children.......... end of quote  -by Joyful Mom... thank you!

Blessings, Glenys

For the LORD,  the God of Israel,  saith that he hateth putting away:  for [one] covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.  Malachi 2:16 

If you read Debi Pearl's drivel...

I have recently read Debi Pearl's book "Created To Be His Help Meet" Frankly, I think the book is scripturally unsound and borders on demeaning and insulting to women. What Debi Pearl says about the sick wife is just one area where I find a lack of compassion and an almost mysogynistic outlook. Here is what she says:

"being pitiful, hurt, discouraged and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage” coin. Men in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react in anger.”

As a woman who suffers from illnesses that cause chronic pain and fatigue, I am so overjoyed to report that my husband doesn’t treat me as a faulty appliance which causes him great anger, but he cherishes me and tries to alleviate my suffering on bad days by sharing in my tasks and closing an eye to that which can’t be done on any particular day. After all, we promised to love each other in sickness and in health. Isn’t that type of commitment what God wants in marriage? So this chapter got me thanking God for the blessing of a husband who puts me first when I need it.

We sacrificial home keepers have enough on our plates already: trying to cope with our illness, be a good wife and mother and run our home. We often deal with disbelieving family members when the illness is an invisible illness like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Most likely you too have thought, like I do, that sometimes it would be easier to have an illness or disability that is highly visible rather than endure snide remarks about laziness and so on as we battle on.

Debi and Michael Pearl lack compassion, empathy and love. In my opinion, they lack many Christlike attributes that are the hallmark of a Christian. To put such a heavy yoke onto a sick woman's shoulders is to cause her added stress and anxiety. It is not the way of Christ.

I believe that the majority of sick women fight a courageous battle and do an overwhelmingly good job of being a Help meet to their husband. They are usually the hardest on themselves for they want to do that which their healthier Sisters do and they often fail. They do not need the likes of some author (Christian or not), putting the boot in and blaming them for their husbands' anger and spiritual unease. Nor do they need to be made anxious about their marriage.

Over the years, I have observed marriages where the wife is ill and I have seen that the majority of husbands are not as Debi Pearl claims. They love their wife and usually do all they can to support her in her homemaking efforts. They bring their children in line and demand that they take their mothers' health into consideration.

This is the love Christ wants for us, not the "love" portrayed by Debi Pearl. We would do well to reject her ideas on the sick spouse and to thank God that we have the Holy Spirit to lead us into Truth. He is indeed our Comforter

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Matthew 14:14