When husbands lose their jobs

It won't come as a surprise to my regular readers to know I fully support the so-called "traditional" roles of man and wife. Tradition, of course, is the less important part in this; traditions might change, while God's plan for us never does, and He was the one to command Adam to work in the sweat of his brow, and Eve to bear children. So of course it's natural for the woman to take care of the nest and the family.

But of course, we all know things might not go according to our initial plan. Husbands may fall ill, lose their jobs, strike up a bad financial bargain, or all of the above. A woman who married someone financially stable might feel it's unfair if the situation changes unexpectedly, though certainly, no one can guarantee it won't happen.

I firmly believe this role reversal, when the wife becomes the main breadwinner, is not really a solution; it's unhealthy. Men were not made to be cooped up inside the house and women were not made to be far from their homes and families. It's easy to feel desperate when a "traditional" family is suddenly thrust into such a situation.

Here we have another example at how feminism did a huge disservice to women. In the past, if a family was going through a financial crisis, the wife was expected to be frugal, and perhaps do some work temporarily, preferably from home. Now, we are expected to jump into a "career", as if that will be a solution to all our problems, as if there aren't enough couples with two incomes who are up to their ears in debt because they don't know how to handle their finances wisely.

I take issue, however, with some attitudes expressed in that article I linked to. Like, for example, losing respect for a husband who lost his job. Many men lose their jobs through no fault of their own; they are likely to sink into depression as it is, when unemployment lasts for a while. The last thing that would encourage and motivate them would be vibes of disrespect and scorn coming from their wives. It becomes an evil circle: a man is unemployed, his wife treats him like a useless loser, and he feels like one, which prevents him to take off again in the working world.

It's easy to become frustrated and tell an unemployed husband, "you've failed your part, I'm going out there to do your job because you're inadequate." But wouldn't it be wiser to trust God and trust this husband he gave you, and tell him you know he is doing his best? Wouldn't it be wiser to support and motivate him, and tell him you fully trust his abilities, and perhaps help him look for a job, and motivate him to take advantage of his time of unemployment to learn useful skills? I truly believe it would pay off in the long run.

I understand, of course, that there are also situations when the wife is as supportive and encouraging as can be and it doesn't help. We don't live in a perfect world and some men are lazy and irresponsible. But I honestly believe that most men want to take care of their families and be good husbands and fathers.

As you know I'm not speaking only theoretically. My husband is currently looking for a job, and some tell me I should invest in my career instead, such as, for example, go ahead and start studying for a Master's degree. I do believe this attitude is not only short-sighted, it would convey that I secretly believe I can do my husband's job better than he could. And in the long run, I think I would pay for it dearly, especially when more children (God willing) come along and I'm stuck with a "career" I can't realistically handle.

by Mrs Anna T of Domestic Felicity



Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire [shall be] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee....And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed [is] the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat [of] it all the days of thy life; Genesis 3:16-17