Morning Cuppas With Glenys

Don't give up hope!

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalms 42:5

Do you feel hopeless? Well you may because this world isn't going back to normal. This world is over But theres hope! Its in a Saviour #Jesus who gave His life for us. Believe in Him & you will live forever. Accept Him & live! He's our #Hope. our joy. our future.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16 Click here to become a Christian

I am not "normal"

We chronically ill women try so hard to do "normal" things. Like look well. Be cheerful. Be patient. Kind. Hospitable.

Our family and marriage are our first priority after God. We try so hard to spin our wheel not fast- but at a "normal" pace. By "normal", we compare ourselves to those who do not suffer from chronic illness and pain. Or are disabled.

We are very careful to keep serving our family but sometimes with the illness that afflicts us: we fail. This often gets to us and causes us to sink into depression.

Being unable to process that we simply can't act as "normals", we often berate ourselves and sink into the Pit of Despair.

We are often judged by "normal" standards, as we simply cannot attend certain social functions like before. If we do, the pain and effort can make us tense and we can make us appear moody unsociable grumps aka the death head at the feast.

If only "normals" would realise that we are pushing ourselves every day to live a life that not even closely is "normal" like in the days before our health failed. We get so adept at doing this, that we have become quite good at wearing masks to cover the Mask Of Pain. Hence the appearance of being in a mood.

My fibromyalgia and other health issues have now made it impossible for me to disguise, and I have learned to acknowledge this to people and tell them in advance that my attendance or action or whatever is totally subject to how I am on any given day.

Basically, I have had to pander to angina, spinal problems, fibromyalgia, polymyalgia rheumatica, and submit to tyrannical spoons by being totally flexible about my appointments and so on.

People may still misjudge me but that is not my problem. I just pray that the LORD will allow them to see that I am not lazy or unsociable, but am just a chronically ill woman who finds just breathing some days enough effort.

The LORD knows I am not well, but people take a lot more convincing. I am not "normal".

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:12

We are faithful

Chronic illness can make us feel that we are incapable of many things. That can be true of physical things which for most of us who are ill or disabled, are now incapable of doing. But all is not lost as there are still things which are eternal that we can do.

We are told to pray without ceasing and prayer is something we can manage to do. Albeit in a different way to the "normals'" prayers, our disjointed or mumbled prayers are still as powerful and effective.

Just because we are sitting in our recliners, or in our bed, or sitting on a shower chair, in our wheelchair or resting on the seat of our walker- the fervent prayers we offer will reach the Ears of Him Who we serve.

We must never let the lies of the evil one cause us to doubt ourselves and then have us not pray at all. We are never wasting our life when we pray. God does not class prayers according to the pray-ers' surroundings.

Goodness knows, we have heard of soldiers praying in the trenches under fire and imminent death. No, our prayers are of equal importance to God. Our prayers will drive the enemy away and cause him to tremble, because he knows wherever we pray is holy ground. Satan doesn't care about where or even how they are prayed. He hates the fact that we still pray.

Faithfulness is something chronic illness can't take away from us. No matter how hard the enemy tries to convince us that we are wasting our lives, we know he is just using wily and cunning ways to get us to stop praying and therefore serving God.

The prayers of the chronically ill are precious to the LORD, for He knows the battles we face just to be "normal". But we are more than "normal" as we come against illness and serve Him regardless.

Chronic illness will try to wipe us out physically, emotionally and spiritually if it can: but one thing we sufferers are is not only resilient: we are faithful.

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

He knows the peddling has just begun

I think as parents, our children will always be children in many ways. We yearn to help them, we cry with them and for them, and we often would wish we could take a burden off them if we could.

Similarly, I believe we are always God's child and He yearns for us and longs to help us. It is comforting to know that God is a good Father Who always loves us and has our back! Also, unlike our earthly father, He is perfect in His love and care of His children.

As any good parent would do, God allows challenges, grief and even suffering to mould us and give us character. It is often in these times that we find that He is there right beside us, encouraging and protecting us, and teaching us to trust Him.

It sure is comforting too, to know that no matter how many times we fall or fail Him, that He is there with His arms extended to us, waiting to forgive and comfort us. His Grace is deeper than our sin. His Love is tender and His Heart is kind.

It certainly would be good if we didn't have trials to mature us, and we had Father God there to bless us and protect us constantly, but alas, we would not progress very far. We move forward and cannot exist on milk forever, but we must eat meat. Eventually, our training wheels have to come off!

It is then that we gain confidence in God, and in our witness. I can just picture Father God smiling proudly as He watches us eventually have our training wheels removed and start to wobble through life towards Home; He knows that the peddling has just begun...

Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you. Isaiah 46

Don't be a busy body!

I have noticed all the pictures of Warrior Princesses for Christ and I have even posted some. My thoughts are that even though we are told to put on the armour of God, it is not to go off purposely slaying giants but it is to protect ourselves in our daily walk.

A lot of people seem to think that they must literally go out looking for battles in order to be walking in the Spirit. God Himself has said that we will have tribulations in the world. For this reason we must put on the armour of God. But He doesn't expect us to abandon our homes, children or jobs seeking outside ministries so that they're neglected.

We face enough problems in life to necessitate putting on the armour as a daily practice, but the thought behind these masculinised women images makes me cringe. It evokes a different theme than what was intended when we are told to put on the armour...

There are plenty of occasions where we will have to fight for what we believe, and for keeping our own thoughts in the captivity of Christ, and avoiding temptations to sin and for defending ourselves and others from evil.

I don't believe that we have to go out on a crusade looking for "missions". We are called to be a people of peace, not busybodies, but keepers of our home and family...

I think too for some of us who suffer from chronic illness and daily struggle in that, that we should really be relieved to know that we don't have to battle every single battle here or in the heavenly realm on a moment by moment basis.

Girding up with the armour should be a practice we use daily for our own protection but it is not an automatic requirement that we seek out trouble that really has nothing to do with us... we are called to live our own lives in quietness and not to be busybodies...

..that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, 1 Thessalonians 4:11

A marriage made in Heaven

So today is our 23rd wedding anniversary. I am so pleased to tell you that in spite of it being a bumpy ride sometimes owing to family illnesses and drama, we are still very much in love- and grateful to the LORD.

We both believe God brought us together, and it is no coincidence that two weeks after we both prayed for a partner, we met.

I had been living alone for three years after divorcing my violent ex-husband and for the last few months before meeting Chris, I had gone out with a girlfriend I met at Business College. It was easier for us both to go out together, rather than a woman by herself.

Longing for a husband, I remember praying to God and asking Him to find a mate for me. I was feeling desperately alone and I wore that loneliness like a cloak of gloom over my shoulders. In this prayer, I asked God to help me enjoy my life if it was His will that I remain single.

Rising up from my knees, I felt a sense of hope and purpose, and although the prayer was just uttered, I felt happier and more content. Anyway, back to my friend.

This friend was very hospitable and we often shared a meal at each other's home. She had car problems, and as Chris had been an Automobile Association Road Patrolman in England, and a Royal Automobile Club Victoria Road Patrolman here in Australia, she thought she would ask him to come have a look at it and stay for dinner.

She asked me if I minded if Chris came for dinner, and as I had decided to make more friends and enjoy my singleness, I said that was fine and thought nothing more about it until that evening.

So when I arrived for dinner, Chris was already there and he was seated in the kitchen. I know it is cliche, but it was love at first sight. We were engaged in 2 months and married a year later.

To this day, Chris insists it was a set up, but I can honestly say it wasn't an earthly setup, but we believe it was a heavenly appointment.

As it turned out, Chris came home from work and was feeling alone and despondent. He too wanted a wife- someone to love him, and he prayed. His prayer was almost identical to mine and we worked out it was at about the same time!

Such was the chemistry between us that our courtship and engagement was a whirlwind romance! We knew it was the LORD'S doing.

From day one, I have been at Chris's side, working as his jockey in his Courier business. We got to know each other very well and have literally been inseparable.

We were married in the Melbourne Registry Office 27th June 1998, and renewed our vows with pastors three years ago after my ex-husband passed. This was to include the LORD officially in our marriage as the Registry Office wedding was very quick and clinical.

We did not get to recite our own vows or include the LORD which was a disappointment to us. So we made it right, even though we lived out our marriage with Him included from day one.

So today we both reflect on the rapidity of those 24 years since we met and our 23 years of marriage, and we see the LORD'S Hand in it. We have weathered many a storm, yet the good ship Hicks is still very much afloat.

God has healed us of past hurts in our first marriages: I have learned that there are good kind men in the world and Chris has learned that there are women who love their husbands and are faithful to their vows.

With grateful hearts, we bless and thank the LORD for His goodness and compassion to us in giving us a marriage made in Heaven.

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

Sometimes you just have to move to another beach

So, I was just sitting having a cuppa, thinking about previous years, mulling over my life. It seems that when you are nearing 70 that you have the time and length of years to do so.

My beloved husband, Chris has just turned 71, and I was reflecting on our 23 years of marriage and I was quietly thanking the LORD for him.

As often happens, my mind reflected on the different ways this marriage has blessed me, and it suddenly dawned on me that the reason for my divorce was not that I was a bad wife to my ex-husband.

You probably already know that I had a very violent 25 year marriage and it resulted in such trauma and loss of self esteem and confidence, that I seriously thought I would remain single for life.

Then three years after I left my ex-husband, I met Chris. He is an answer to prayer, and he tells me I am to him. A year later, we married. It is so very different from the first marriage, but I am basically the same type of wife to Chris. And he loves me.

I wondered why I was so detested and disrespected by my ex-husband, especially as my behaviour was loving and respectful to him. I prayed constantly for him, went to marriage counselling at church by myself, and believed that one day he would love me and not take his anger out on me. Yet, no matter how much I tried to please him in all things, he never was happy.

Truly, I think over the years, I wore more food than he ate, and cooking for him was nerve wracking. Yet Chris finds my cooking good and never complains. So it wasn't that.

Often I would try to find out how I could please my ex-husband and he would never tell me what was wrong. He would tell me how awful a personality I had and that I had to change, and when I asked him what specifically annoyed him for me to change and ask forgiveness for, he wouldn't give me an answer.

This not only led to anxiety/panic attacks, but seriously eroded any modicum of confidence I had after my traumatic childhood.

Such was my morbid introspection, that I ended up unable to eat and eventually unable to stop shaking. I spent a day in a psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with extreme stress/anxiety and advised to leave my errant husband.

After years of telling me I was crazy whenever I reacted to his abuse and punches, he had the gall to demand I come home as I wasn't crazy and didn't need hospitalisation. I was discharged into my GP's care and left my ex-husband after another 7 years of trying to win him over and have a happy marriage.

The night before I left, I told him how unhappy I was. I also asked him to go to marriage counselling with me or I would be leaving in the morning. He told me he wasn't going because he had done nothing wrong and it was all my fault that he hated me. He said I could divorce him but he wasn't going to pay for it. I did.

That morning after he went to work, I filled two garbage bags with my clothes and baby albums and Bible, and left. I was shattered and heart-broken that he wouldn't take any responsibility and when that happens, it is pretty certain that their heart is no longer in staying married.

I went to business college and later got a job, a nice home and some confidence. But the trauma and head messing left me empty, and sad that I had invested 25 long years in a marriage where I was never loved or even wanted. It left me afraid that he would be proven correct in that I would live alone forever, without even knowing what was wrong with me. It also left me with PTSD.

With a very happy marriage of 23 years this coming Sunday, my conclusions are that no matter how much you try to appease an abuser, no matter how much you turn yourself inside out for answers to improve yourself, no matter how you look, or talk, or cook, or save, or mother, or clean or love, you will never do enough to please them. And you can't ever please them because they don't want to be placated.

Sadly, sometimes to save yourself, you just have to pick up your beach umbrella, shake off the sand, and move to another beach.

He delivers me from my enemies.You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

His outstretched Hand

I have spoken to many people over the years about Christ and becoming a Christian and it never ceases to amaze me how the evil one has made them so fearful. They give the strangest reasons for not accepting Jesus and surprisingly, it's nothing to do with disbelief in Him.

They tell me that they don't want to change and they embark on a tirade about not needing to go to church amongst all the "hypocrites" or they share that they worry that they will lose their friends and/or family if they become Christian...

It's all about them, not Him. It's fear of loss. Of self. Of sinful lifestyles. Of family. Yet God still holds out His Hand to them. Christ offers His love, His protection, His joy and His peace, and stands as a rejected Lover of their souls, yet He continues to woo them...

I don't understand the logic of people who obviously are afraid, to not accept a loving God Who not only wants to help them here, but offers them eternal life with Him... but I don't give up on them- I keep praying for them.

As long as Christ stands with His Hand outstretched, there is hope. My hope is that they accept Him before it is too late. And only God knows when that time has come...

But we preached Christ crucified, a stumbling block to the Jews, and to the Greeks foolishness, 1 Corinthians 1:23

I'm afraid of the dark.

Every evening as soon as the street lights come on, I start nesting. I close all the drapes, put the lamps and lights on and prepare to relax.

I want to block out the moon and stars, and I don't want to see smoke coming from chimney tops of farm houses nearby. As soon as dinner is over, I hop into my pyjamas and turn our electric blankets on. Then I snuggle up to Chris.

There's nothing nicer to hear than the rain on my tin roof or windows and I luxuriate in the warmth of my living room or bed. And I give thanks for a safe home, a warm home and bed and a loving husband. My joy is complete.

I hate being out and when it gets to twilight the dark of night follows closely and unnerves me somewhat. Sensing my fear, Chris turns the heat up in the car, puts a worship CD on for me and assures me we will be home soon. He knows my life story and he cares enough to try to comfort me when darkness overtakes us in the natural hours of night time.

My childhood was one of fleeing alcoholic's rages, defending my mother from my father's attacks and looking out for my siblings. Too many times to recount, we would have to flee our warm home or bed as Dad was on a drunken rage and he would chuck beer bottles at us as we fled down our hill in the night.

With a pounding heart, we would run from him and the damage broken glass could do to us, and the fear would be compounded by a longing to live a peaceful life like our friends and playmates.

Flickers of light through the curtains of our neighbour's homes would show that adults would still be watching TV and the moon glowed enough to make out the smoke from their chimney. How we longed to be normal and still tucked in our beds with Mum, Dad and our resident drunk, our uncle watching TV as we drifted off to sleep in our nearby bedrooms.

But those times gradually became less and still were ongoing when I was hastily married at 16. My nightmare had just begun. After a horrific 25 year marriage I finally broke free and had the peace of my own place with no alcohol in sight. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

The nightmare was ended and my new chapter began three years later when I met and married Chris. He has been an answer to prayer and my gift from the LORD for trying to honour a man who broke my bones, burnt me with cigarettes, kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant and raped me after surgery.

But the foundation of violence has left me with PostTraumaticStressDisorder which sometimes gives me panic attacks and flashbacks. No romantic moons, wishes upon a star or evening walks for me. But God created a loving man just for His damaged daughter-a man who still loves me and knows why I'm afraid of the dark.

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

Letting the Sonshine in!

We chronically ill people need to feel hope. With chronic pain one is worn down and depression often results. If one can't get to church often we have to face not only problems with validation but judgments about our faith walk.

With depression comes a low in spirituality so that one can feel estranged from God. Obviously, those judgments don't help.

It is important to focus on Jesus and remind ourselves that God loves us just as we are, and not how fast we spin our wheel.

Keeping the focus on God's unconditional love for us will be helpful as well as reminding ourselves that we are saved through Grace, not works.

Let's not succumb to depression through pain and instead let us be kind to ourselves and each other by focussing on the goodness and greatness of God's love for us by praying and worshiping in spite of our pain.

When we lift our thoughts to God, it is letting the Sonshine in.

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

You still are her!

I know that we women who suffer from chronic illness and pain often fret because we want with all our hearts to be like the Proverbs 31 woman. Yet no matter how hard we try, we feel we cannot be like her. We then either give up completely, or sink into a deep depression… Sometimes we are far too hard on ourselves, even demanding more of ourselves than God does. After all, He understands us- He knows our frame and remembers we are but dust.

Another thing that we tend to do is to take man’s standard of being a good wife, mother and homemaker and we, on finding we cannot keep up with our healthier Sisters, wilt under the strain. This is a shame because Jesus says to come to Him all who are weary and He will give us rest. His yoke is light. But the perfectionism of man isn’t. Wouldn’t it be sad for us to constantly feel false guilt because we can’t keep up our homes like Martha Stewart? But here is some good news: we may very well find out after looking into the scriptures that we are closer to being a Proverbs 31 woman than we think….

Firstly, we must remember that the Word of God is the first and last authority in our lives. What exactly does God say about the godly woman? In Proverbs 31:10-31 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies… Is your heart yearning to be a virtuous woman? Are you seeking to serve God despite your pain? If you are, then your price is far above rubies!

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil… Do you seek to be a blessing to your husband? Can he trust you with his heart, his dreams and fears, raising his children and keeping his home to the best of your ability? Then your husband will be blessed for you already have his trust. That too is a truly precious thing!

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life… Do you try to be a help meet for him? Are you consistently thinking the best of him, serving him in love and trying to be as unselfish as you can be, even in your worst times of illness or pain? If so, you are emulating that seemingly elusive Proverbs 31 woman!

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands… When you are feeling reasonably well, do you try to do something creative that will benefit your family? Do you work willingly even though it hurts? Willingness is a matter of heart, not productivity. If you work willingly no matter how small the job, you have the spirit of the Proverbs 31 woman!

She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar... This one can be a toughie, especially with illness at its height. But I also believe that the ill woman who seeks out coupons and directs those who are able to help with the purchasing of groceries to shop at the cheapest but best for money supermarkets, is living this verse to the best of her ability. She is like the merchant’s ships- charting their course from her bed or buying her food online!

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens… Again, a seeming impossibility for the chronically ill woman. But again the spirit of the Proverbs 31 woman is seen in not in the early rising per se but in the planning of the godly woman as she directs her helpers in conducting the running of the home. She or someone else must have a plan of action and I take that as giving meat and portions to her maidens.

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard… There is nothing to stop an ill woman having a say in business matters or running a home business from her sick bed if at all possible. She may not be able to plant a vineyard with her own hands but the spirit of this wonderful woman of God can be seen in the planning, thought and effort in being business savvy, and this is her toil. She is still emulating her!

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms… This is a tough one for those of us with chronic illness and pain. But again I see us being that woman of God in taking care of our bodies, managing our illness, seeking knowledge from medical professionals or naturopaths and making sure we do precisely what we are told to do. That includes getting rest and trying to cast our cares on the LORD so as to strengthen ourselves!

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night... As we survey our efforts in managing our home and family, we will see that we have done well- for it is so much harder than for those of able body. We need our rest but our candle not going out at night means that we are diligent in the overseeing of our home and our eyes are ever vigilant to see just what goes on around us- even when we are taking our rest!

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff…Whenever possible, we seek to be as diligent as possible keeping watch over our household, our children and our husband. We work as much as is humanly possible but we do not fret if we cannot honestly cope with work at any particular time. Again, I see this as a matter of heart. … The godly woman who suffers from chronic illness and pain but who seeks to serve the LORD despite her pain- is more like the Proverbs 31 woman than she could ever imagine….

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy... Kindness and compassion is a matter of heart and the heart of the giver is one of compassion. I see no reason why the chronically ill woman cannot extend her hands to the needy in special offerings or acts of kindness.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet...Again, the chronically ill woman can take comfort in knowing her family is well clothed. It is relatively easy to shop by catalogue or online through ebay. Planning and diligence in being observant to your family’s needs and sizes will pay off in knowing that they are warm and well-presented.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple…Again, this making of tapestries etc would depend on how severe the sufferer’s illness and pain was, but I feel that the essence of this verse is that we can still take a pride in our appearance in spite of our illness. I know sometimes this can be one of the last things on our minds, but I think it is important to ourselves and our husbands to try to keep tidy.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land…A husband who is well-loved will usually be willing to learn how to iron his shirt in times of his wife’s illness’s flare. If not, there are laundries that press shirts. A husband of a godly woman will never be known for an untidy and unkempt appearance. It is just harder for us as we have to be super diligent. If we can’t help our men retain honour by being well-presented, we should seek out helpers who will either volunteer or help for a small fee.

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant… Again, this is often difficult for the ill woman to achieve but I believe the spirit of the Proverbs 31 woman is shown in the extra planning and eye for detail in watching over her family and household. As we know, everything is more difficult and the ill woman will be ever seeking to cut corners in order to have her home run well.

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come...The chronically ill woman works harder than most for she starts her day at a disadvantage- usually lack of sleep due to pain. She has medications to take that can have disastrous side-effects such as making her sleep when she needs to be awake or nausea. But she works diligently as best she can to keep the home fires burning and the family happy. She is often the most selfless of women! She will be able to take pleasure in times to come, knowing that she did her best before God, to be His woman! She is a woman who should be honoured above all others, in life and in the one to come!

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness...I believe the godly chronically ill woman who reads the Word and keeps close to the LORD will open her mouth with wisdom, she will speak with kindness despite feeling unwell, for the LORD Himself will strengthen her spiritually.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness... Even though the chronically ill Christian woman may be bedridden, she can still look well to the ways of her household. By being attentive and delegating responsibilities wherever possible, she will never eat the bread of idleness. Being bedridden does not necessarily mean that one is idle. Indeed, running a home from your sick bed is a feat that surpasses the strength and vigilance of healthier stronger women!

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her… As children grow and your husband sees your efforts and realises the sacrifices that you have made- and the extra pain it has caused to ensure their upbringing is well done and that they are all comfortable and well looked after, they will bless and praise you. You are such a blessing to them!

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all, favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD she shall be praised.… Indeed, many women will have done virtuously, but you have put it in harder than most- you surely you do excel them all! When many would just crumble, you have kept striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates...You see, you will have the fruit of hands and your own works will praise you in the gates- because despite all obstacles, you have run the race and won- for you really *are* a Proverbs 31 woman!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

I am who He says I am

Born in to a troubled home of alcoholics, and subjugated by a bitter mother, I married young at 16 and pregnant.

Sure that I had finally found someone to love me, the ink hadn't yet dried on the wedding certificate before the abuse started.

After 25 years of it, and afraid that it would end in my demise, I divorced my husband, even though I felt guilty about doing so.

The aftermath of an unhappy childhood and marriage that assured me that I was of little worth, stayed with me until four years later when I met and married Chris.

Being loved gave me a fresh outlook on myself and I gradually blossomed and as I bloomed in that love, I felt closer to the LORD than ever before.

It was a new experience as I had been through years of self-condemnation. I could forgive anyone anything- (forgiving even my ex-husband's abuse), but I found it difficult to forgive myself. I just didn't feel worthy of God's love.

Finally, I had to concede that God's view of me through what Jesus's Blood accomplished is the true me! His grace is greater than my sin and I was forgiven.

If God calls me clean, who am I to disagree? Either His Word is perfect and I cling to that, or I am calling His judgment into question.

I am so grateful for Chris coming into my life and opening the door to self-love. But even more gratitude goes to my Heavenly Father Who told me that I am who He says I am...

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17