Morning Cuppas With Glenys : depression

Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Sufficient unto the day

As a woman who suffers from chronic illness and pain through fibromyalgia, I often succumb to bouts of depression. I have a few tips on overcoming it.

First and foremost, start your day in prayer. Ask God for the strength to face the day and play worship music to lift your spirit.

Try to be in the moment and take one day at a time. That's all we can tackle otherwise, the sense of failure can be overwhelming. We aren't meant to take it on all at once.

If you try to just focus on the next task at hand and not dwell on the future, it will help your attitude to realise that you have accomplished something. It will then snowball as you progress through the day.

With chronic illness, I set myself just one or two daily goals that are achievable: for me it is wash the dishes and put away the clean clothes. I only focus on those goals that I know are achievable and if at the end of the day, they are done, then I feel a sense of accomplishment instead of defeat.

Nothing depresses me more than a feeling that I have achieved nothing all day. I don't worry that others may say "for goodness sake, it's only washing dishes..." for us in the throes of illness, be it mental or physical- it's a big deal. Delight yourself in small victories.

I find that in setting small goals it knocks the cloud of gloom off its perch and makes me hopeful that I will be able to rise above the depression. Give yourself a high five and see that any job you do is a step in the right direction. It still blesses your family and serves the LORD.

I think when we are depressed and/or in pain, the desire to go Home to the LORD is strong. After all, we are tired of living in a world of pain and we look forward to our redemption. But in saying that, we still have a work to do until that time.

As FlyLady says, baby steps. But just taking baby steps lead us out of our rut and it is that first baby step that will hasten our healing of depression and sense of failure.

Sufficient to the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:34

For such a time as this!

In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried out to my God...

The Lord is close to everyone who calls out to him, to all who call out to him sincerely. The Lord will rescue me from every evil action and will save me for his heavenly kingdom. Whenever I’m afraid, I put my trust in you — in God, whose word I praise.
I trust in God; I won’t be afraid. What can mere flesh do to me? God is indeed my salvation; I will trust and won't be afraid. It’s far better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust any human. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever.
God didn't give us a spirit that is timid but one that is powerful, loving, and self-controlled. Throw all your anxiety onto him, because he cares about you. This is why we can confidently say, The Lord is my helper, and I won’t be afraid. What can people do to me?

Those who know your name trust you because you have not abandoned any who seek you, Lord. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul...

He heard my voice from His temple and my cry came before Him even to His ears

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.

I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also"

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

"Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand"

“Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world to test those who dwell on the earth."

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him. Psalm 28:7

A compilation of scriptures for such a time as this by Glenys

His plans are for our future and hope.

It is said that all work and no play make Jack a dull boy. I believe that is true. As wives and mothers we can get so involved with taking care of others that we forget to take care of ourselves. We need to take time to smell the roses and we need to watch our children at play and learn to play again.

Adulthood shouldn't be the end of play and laughter. The scriptures teach us that a merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken Proverbs 15:13 It is hard to be cheerful some days and certainly work overload can break one's spirit- if we let it. I have found that a smile actually promotes a cheerful spirit and gets a positive response.

So how does one create a cheerful enough spirit to raise a smile? I believe it is by a few things:

1) The Psalms and Ephesians tell us to develop an attitude of gratitude. Just thank God continually with songs of praise and thanks. Start to see beyond the nappies and try to catch a glimpse of the beauty of motherhood. There are many many women who long to be mothers- that's a reason to be thankful.

2) Develop a plan to organise your home and life into manageable portions so as not to become overwhelmed. Don't procrastinate around the home but roll up your sleeves and get going and do it! Nothing robs us of joy like procrastination! And get your work done as quickly as you can and as well as you can in order to do the things you like to do- I love to surf the Net and write. Whatever it is that you enjoy, get your work out of the way and then enjoy yourself.

3) When you work- work hard! When you play- play hard! But don't play when you work and don't work when you play! Just get your work done and then have a ball! Just enjoy doing what you love to do and don't feel guilty- God doesn't make us feel guilty- we make ourselves feel guilty! We must remember we must live our lives in balance: relaxation and enjoyment are a part of that balance!

Enjoyment of life is critical to giving the best of yourself to your husband, your children, and your friends. Of all the species on earth, we are just about the only ones to forget to play daily. Unless you take time to recharge your batteries, even your relationship with God will become stale through depression!

4) Try to think of those things that are positive, praiseworthy, pure and think only of those things. Phil ippians 4:8 Remember that all we have is today- don't worry about yesterday, do your best today, and leave tomorrow in God's Hands. God has given His Word: His plans are for our future and hope.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

The cruelest blow

I have four children who I love with all my heart. However, I wish that I could honestly say that they love me just as much. Or even at all.

As far as my mothering went, I was a good mother, however, one child doesn't even answer the phone to me or answer my messages. It's as if I don't exist and the only reason I see my granddaughter is that he wants her minded. I let it go because he is a narcissist and is always right. He will withhold my granddaughter if I cross him at all.

At least I can hold my head up that I've done my best. God sees. He knows I gave myself exclusively to my children and grandchildren. But they made choices that sadly do not include me in their life.

Thank God we aren't accountable for the actions of our kids and grandchildren. I will pray that there's a resolution for myself and any other Sisters who visit here with broken family ties and estranged children and grandchildren.

Loving them with your whole heart and losing them to indifference and disdain is the cruelest blow.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone. Psalm 71.9

My new wheels

So if you have read on my other blog, I am now wheel-chair bound. I am relieved that I have an easier method of transportation and that it will be easier for Chris to push, but I am also sad that my life has come to this.

So, the MRI results are in. I have a meniscus tear, fabella, torn posterior crucius ligament, bursitis and osteo arthritis behind the patella. It needs surgery as it does not repair itself.

I am to see an orthopaedic surgeon and meanwhile I must rest the knee and use pain killers.

We have bought a shower chair and a wheelchair. I have had Chris push me on the seat of my walker, but it is a big strain on his heart and I worry about him.

It is difficult to focus enough to write at the moment and I spend a lot of time on the couch aka the beach, or in bed with my electric blanket.

I am just able to stand enough to wash some dishes, cook a meal and stack the washer and dryer. Chris helps sometimes and has been my legs.

I am making use of the slow cooker a lot, cooking the meals as I am able to stand.

As with all new health issues, I am trying to come to terms with this "new normal" and the constant struggles with fibromyalgia are now "normal" and this new challenge is calling for all my ability to accept my new lot in chronic illness.

I am disheartened that both my knees have now given way (I have a torn meniscus in my other knee), and am trying to feel grateful that I could afford a wheelchair. Thank goodness for afterpay.

I am trying to be thankful for my new wheels, and I am also trying to give this new situation over to the LORD. I guess it's all a part of grieving what I have lost and accepting it, and not giving way to self-pity. It's hard.

However romantic a picture I can find really doesn't cut it for me as I struggle to accept that I am now wheelchair bound, and instead of a new car, a wheelchair is my new wheels.

My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 76:26

When you're hanging on by a thread

We chronically ill women always have times when we feel that we are barely holding it all together. We are literally becoming unravelled and we feel like we are hanging on by a thread.

Flares, unrelenting pain, immeasurable fatigue, depression and lack of restorative sleep can all add to the feeling that we can't go on. Even breathing seems like an effort.

It is in those times that we must reach out to God and ask Him to give us the strength to get through each day- or especially the night which seems the longest when we long to sleep but can't.

We need to try to listen to the Word or put on some Christian worship music, and give ourselves over to relaxing as much as is possible for someone in the grip of pain or depression. But we have to focus on something positive, or else we will be getting a one way to the Pit of Despair. We don't want to go there.

By focusing on something positive, we can actually release endorphins, those chemicals that reduce pain and increase a feeling of well-being.

Reaching out to God during these times is critical to our staying in control emotionally. But we must do it, in faith.

If the woman with the issue of blood hadn't reached out to Jesus by touching the hem of His garment, she would not have been healed.

I am not necessarily saying that you will get healed, even though it is possible of course. But you will be lifted up to a higher level of coping with it all.

Worship and praising God whilst suffering is the most exquisitely beautiful act of trust and reverence. It will lift us up and set the enemy of our souls to flight.

So, next time you are feeling you are hanging by a thread, make sure it's the hem of Christ's garment.

And suddenly, a woman who had a flow of blood for twelve years came from behind and touched the hem of His garment. Matthew 9.20

Don't give up hope!

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalms 42:5

Do you feel hopeless? Well you may because this world isn't going back to normal. This world is over But theres hope! Its in a Saviour #Jesus who gave His life for us. Believe in Him & you will live forever. Accept Him & live! He's our #Hope. our joy. our future.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16 Click here to become a Christian

I am not "normal"

We chronically ill women try so hard to do "normal" things. Like look well. Be cheerful. Be patient. Kind. Hospitable.

Our family and marriage are our first priority after God. We try so hard to spin our wheel not fast- but at a "normal" pace. By "normal", we compare ourselves to those who do not suffer from chronic illness and pain. Or are disabled.

We are very careful to keep serving our family but sometimes with the illness that afflicts us: we fail. This often gets to us and causes us to sink into depression.

Being unable to process that we simply can't act as "normals", we often berate ourselves and sink into the Pit of Despair.

We are often judged by "normal" standards, as we simply cannot attend certain social functions like before. If we do, the pain and effort can make us tense and we can make us appear moody unsociable grumps aka the death head at the feast.

If only "normals" would realise that we are pushing ourselves every day to live a life that not even closely is "normal" like in the days before our health failed. We get so adept at doing this, that we have become quite good at wearing masks to cover the Mask Of Pain. Hence the appearance of being in a mood.

My fibromyalgia and other health issues have now made it impossible for me to disguise, and I have learned to acknowledge this to people and tell them in advance that my attendance or action or whatever is totally subject to how I am on any given day.

Basically, I have had to pander to angina, spinal problems, fibromyalgia, polymyalgia rheumatica, and submit to tyrannical spoons by being totally flexible about my appointments and so on.

People may still misjudge me but that is not my problem. I just pray that the LORD will allow them to see that I am not lazy or unsociable, but am just a chronically ill woman who finds just breathing some days enough effort.

The LORD knows I am not well, but people take a lot more convincing. I am not "normal".

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:12

Sometimes you just have to move to another beach

So, I was just sitting having a cuppa, thinking about previous years, mulling over my life. It seems that when you are nearing 70 that you have the time and length of years to do so.

My beloved husband, Chris has just turned 71, and I was reflecting on our 23 years of marriage and I was quietly thanking the LORD for him.

As often happens, my mind reflected on the different ways this marriage has blessed me, and it suddenly dawned on me that the reason for my divorce was not that I was a bad wife to my ex-husband.

You probably already know that I had a very violent 25 year marriage and it resulted in such trauma and loss of self esteem and confidence, that I seriously thought I would remain single for life.

Then three years after I left my ex-husband, I met Chris. He is an answer to prayer, and he tells me I am to him. A year later, we married. It is so very different from the first marriage, but I am basically the same type of wife to Chris. And he loves me.

I wondered why I was so detested and disrespected by my ex-husband, especially as my behaviour was loving and respectful to him. I prayed constantly for him, went to marriage counselling at church by myself, and believed that one day he would love me and not take his anger out on me. Yet, no matter how much I tried to please him in all things, he never was happy.

Truly, I think over the years, I wore more food than he ate, and cooking for him was nerve wracking. Yet Chris finds my cooking good and never complains. So it wasn't that.

Often I would try to find out how I could please my ex-husband and he would never tell me what was wrong. He would tell me how awful a personality I had and that I had to change, and when I asked him what specifically annoyed him for me to change and ask forgiveness for, he wouldn't give me an answer.

This not only led to anxiety/panic attacks, but seriously eroded any modicum of confidence I had after my traumatic childhood.

Such was my morbid introspection, that I ended up unable to eat and eventually unable to stop shaking. I spent a day in a psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with extreme stress/anxiety and advised to leave my errant husband.

After years of telling me I was crazy whenever I reacted to his abuse and punches, he had the gall to demand I come home as I wasn't crazy and didn't need hospitalisation. I was discharged into my GP's care and left my ex-husband after another 7 years of trying to win him over and have a happy marriage.

The night before I left, I told him how unhappy I was. I also asked him to go to marriage counselling with me or I would be leaving in the morning. He told me he wasn't going because he had done nothing wrong and it was all my fault that he hated me. He said I could divorce him but he wasn't going to pay for it. I did.

That morning after he went to work, I filled two garbage bags with my clothes and baby albums and Bible, and left. I was shattered and heart-broken that he wouldn't take any responsibility and when that happens, it is pretty certain that their heart is no longer in staying married.

I went to business college and later got a job, a nice home and some confidence. But the trauma and head messing left me empty, and sad that I had invested 25 long years in a marriage where I was never loved or even wanted. It left me afraid that he would be proven correct in that I would live alone forever, without even knowing what was wrong with me. It also left me with PTSD.

With a very happy marriage of 23 years this coming Sunday, my conclusions are that no matter how much you try to appease an abuser, no matter how much you turn yourself inside out for answers to improve yourself, no matter how you look, or talk, or cook, or save, or mother, or clean or love, you will never do enough to please them. And you can't ever please them because they don't want to be placated.

Sadly, sometimes to save yourself, you just have to pick up your beach umbrella, shake off the sand, and move to another beach.

He delivers me from my enemies.You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

Letting the Sonshine in!

We chronically ill people need to feel hope. With chronic pain one is worn down and depression often results. If one can't get to church often we have to face not only problems with validation but judgments about our faith walk.

With depression comes a low in spirituality so that one can feel estranged from God. Obviously, those judgments don't help.

It is important to focus on Jesus and remind ourselves that God loves us just as we are, and not how fast we spin our wheel.

Keeping the focus on God's unconditional love for us will be helpful as well as reminding ourselves that we are saved through Grace, not works.

Let's not succumb to depression through pain and instead let us be kind to ourselves and each other by focussing on the goodness and greatness of God's love for us by praying and worshiping in spite of our pain.

When we lift our thoughts to God, it is letting the Sonshine in.

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

Nothing can separate us from God's love

There are a lot of faithful Christians who suffer from panic attacks and anxiety. Although they are usually strong in the faith, when a panic attack hits, and they have a meltdown, their trial turns into a field day for false accusers and Job's Comforters.

They are often told that they are lacking in faith and to cling to the LORD, when it is chemicals in their body that is causing the problem, not lack of faith. They do nothing to help but add fuel to the fire. Telling a sufferer of a panic attack to have more faith is like telling a drowning man to swim faster. They simply can't and they struggle just to keep their head above water. To add to their woe, they then fear that they have become apostate or are backsliding. But nothing could be further from the truth.

The truly backslidden or apostate Christian will not turn to God for help therefore she has no worries of feeling unloved by God but the faithful Child of God will be afraid when she cannot break through the clutch of adrenaline that induces a feeling of impending doom (in this case, damnation) Such feelings are false, and during her life when not suffering an adrenaline rush, she knows this and relies on her Saviour.

The Bible teaches us not to be anxious, but any anxious person will tell you that it is a fact that anxiety will come for no apparent reason. My point is that Satan will use this hormone induced attack on our bodies to make us feel guilty, alienate us from feeling close to God, and cause us to be more anxious. We know it is written we shouldn't be anxious- but here we are with anxiety and guilt as our companion.

We know we should trust God but often it's not so clear cut and defined. It does us no good to be told we are sinning when it is clearly a chemistry problem which manifests itself as anxiety. In our stronger moments, we are aware of the scriptures. One who suffers from anxiety does not need to be told they are willfully sinning. We need people's understanding and compassion. It goes without saying, that we always have that from Jesus.

We tend to forget that most often sufferers of anxiety and panic have often been in the midst of the most horrendous of stresses and trials, often for years, and despite being faithful and clinging to God, they have a meltdown. Trials include all chronic illness such as fibromyalgia and disabilities.

It would behove us all to remember to be Christ-like to these suffering Children of God and comfort them, pray for them and encourage them. Those of us who suffer like this are prime candidates for panic attacks and meltdowns. We should do unto others as we would have them do unto us: pray for them, help them back on their feet and never judge them. Anxiety and panic are no respecter of people: but by the Grace of God, go I.

Mercy. Grace. Compassion. Love. Prayer. All are healing balms for the poor one having a meltdown. We need to tell them there is hope and there is healing and that nothing can separate us from God's love.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Into Your Hand, my Father!

I have not been writing for some time now. I have had health problems and my husband, Chris has also had serious health issues.

Life has been extremely hard and I found myself in the Pit of Despair. This time it took a long time to get back to normality, but praise God, I did.

World events, financial problems, family issues and fear of losing Chris all compounded to make me panic and become afraid. I was feeling at the end of my rope.

Finally, I went to my study, closed the door and broke down in front of the LORD. I came to Him as a child, terribly afraid and trusting Him to work it all out as a child does to its' father.

It was a time to repent of trying to work out things that weren't my business. When Christ was coming for us was a main concern. Fear for loved ones who weren't saved or who I wasn't sure were.

Feelings of failure and concerns of lack of ability to witness and serve God ensnared my mind. It was a time to surrender it all and lay it at the cross.

Lifting my hands up towards Heaven, I told God that I was afraid and I was immediately wrapped in a cloak of warmth and love that banished my fears and dried my tears.

I surrendered my fears and trying to work things out, to Him. I stopped fretting about things and prayed instead.

I visualised handing my fears to Him and holding His Hand...

I focussed on whatsoever things were good according to Philippians 4:8 and I regained my peace.

In surrender, I purposely became as a child and trusted God as my Father. If you really really trust God, there is no room for fear. Perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

I now surround myself in worship music, prayer and reading the scriptures. I refuse to delve into matters that are God's alone- and He alone has broad enough shoulders to bear all things- I certainly haven't.

When I feel myself being afraid now, I place my hand in His and just allow Him to be my Father. I don't have to know everything, just trust Him.

With all that is happening in my life at the moment, I say this phrase many times each day with wonderful peace resulting- "Into Your Hand, my Father!"

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8

A discipline worth fighting for.

Next month I will turn 68 and in all honesty, it has been a bumpy ride. All manner of tribulations, trials and hurts have been interspersed with blessings, wonder, tears of joy and love.

Like most people, I realise that time has passed by very quickly. It seemed I blinked from the time of being a young bride to now being the grandmother of the bride!

Birthdays don't phase me, in fact I celebrate each one joyfully, in spite of the fact that my physical life is a painful symphony of noisy ailments that clash in a discordant cacophony that threaten my mental health.

It's so easy to succumb to depression when one has a constant string of painful ailments to vie with each other to be Conductor of the piece. I battle them constantly.

I struggle to have the vicissitudes of life as salubrious as possible: I want to live my life well and not simply endure it. I know now how fast life passes us by and how precious every moment is.

Years ago, I realised I can go either way: try to be grateful and be happier or whine all the time and resent my life and be miserable. I choose to be grateful which is harder- but it has hope in it.

To be honest, sometimes these overlap and I find myself whining just after feeling grateful and I have to bring my thoughts into the captivity of Christ... however, in general, I try to be upbeat and positive. No mean feat with fibromyalgia, heart and spinal problems.

Gratefulness is a discipline worth cultivating in order to live our life well. Gratefulness will enhance our life and help us overcome our health trials.

It takes practice, it takes prayer, it takes self control- but it is a discipline worth the effort in order to have a good life albeit a painful one.

Every moment of every day equates to our life and it is imperative that we try to focus on anything that is positive, good, noble and right. If we don't, we will be miserable as well as in pain.

Gratefulness is difficult to practise, and positivity is sometimes impossible, but in order to look over our life at the end of the day,and acknowledge that it is good, it is a discipline worth fighting for.

Hang in there! a repeat for it's important