Morning Cuppas With Glenys : Our Husband

Showing posts with label Our Husband. Show all posts

Taken for granted

And so another week of being at home is upon us. The future is uncertain and looks a bit grim. However, there are some things surfacing out of this that are good.

There is a growing awareness of the value of living life intentionally. Because the Corona Virus is no respecter of age or gender and can be so easily acquired, there is a deeper awareness that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Life is not taken for granted any more.

Our families that live with us may get on our nerves during the isolation, but with it comes a bond or connection to each other as we brave this outbreak.

Social media and mobile phones have been great in bringing us closer in communication, but this isolation has created in most of us a longing for physical contact with those who do not live with us. There is nothing like a hug, and kiss or a hold of the hand.

There has been a greater appreciation of the first responders who truly risk their lives to keep us or our loved ones alive if they contract the virus. They are to be honoured above all others. No longer taken for granted: they are the epitomy of servanthood and sacrifice.

The chance to revive family ties or marriages is here with no work to keep us apart, and intimacy both in marriage and with the parenting relationship have the opportunity to thrive. The family is no longer taken for granted. Nor is love.

So much is changing, but as at Easter, traditional worship was replaced by streamed online services, and social distancing when at the chemist or supermarket are enforced: helping life retain some normalcy and stability.

Rona has forced the whole world to stop and reassess and has found us guilty. Guilty of believing life would just continue as it was and largely taken for granted.

There is so much negativity brought on by this virus, but one thing is positive from all of this: we will never again take our freedom, our worship, our family or our friends for granted.

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

No longer taken for granted

And so another week of being at home is upon us. The future is uncertain and looks a bit grim. However, there are some things surfacing out of this that are good.

Our families that live with us may get on our nerves during the isolation, but with it comes a bond or connection to each other as we brave this outbreak.

Rona has forced the whole world to stop and reassess and has found us guilty. Guilty of believing life would just continue as it was and largely taken for granted.

There is so much negativity brought on by this virus, but one thing is positive from all of this: we will never again take our freedom, our worship, our family or our friends for granted.

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

Probably for the children.

We lived in a low income housing estate owned by the Housing Department. The Navy bought a lot of these homes to house the Naval families and it was there that I met Jezebel.

She was a young wife, quite pretty and she knew it! Most of her day was spent outside sunbathing or shopping. She had two young children who she treated with indifference. They were often playing with my children when we visited my mother who lived next door to her.

We sometimes had to call on her to bring our children back to Mum's and her house was immaculate. As far as these concrete houses went, hers was well furnished with expensive drapes, couches and lamps- and something unheard of in the day- with wall to wall carpet. She was not one to have a conversation with, unless it was about herself or her children, who she considered pests. Or occasionally she would talk of her absent husband, who we were told was a complete boring pig!

That was an enigma to us as he obviously was supporting her and the children very well. In fact, whenever he was on shore leave, we would find him at the clothesline pegging out loads of washing and sheets. Jezebel didn't believe in working when her husband was home. She was a true feminist.

One day, I called on her to pick up my children and she confided in me that she was pregnant to her pig of a husband! (Her words) She had just come home from the doctor and she told me she had informed him that she would notify him if she decided not to go through with the pregnancy. Not after a discussion with her husband. Maybe he wouldn't even be informed, I thought.

I know she had the child, her third son, because I bought her pram for my coming baby. She was wondering how she was going to offload it, she said. It certainly wouldn't be needed again. The Pig had had a vasectomy!

To this day, I don't know what became of this family as Jezebel's husband was deployed elsewhere, and she went with him. But I do wonder if they are still married and if so, how happy are they. Was The Pig ever valued as a good husband and father, or did he only have Jezebel's scowling and barked orders to look forward to whenever he got home?

Reflecting on this feminist's treatment of a good man, I felt sorry for her husband and children. I can only hope that Jezebel, so nick named for her horrid feminist ways, has found the LORD and that her children have grown up with some self-confidence and feelings of having been loved. For I am sure that as hungry as The Pig was for love and respect, he would have made sure the children would have been loved.

I do pray for them all, and for "The Captain", not "The Pig". I salute you, Sir for staying with your Jezebel. Probably for the children.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:22:33

Sex isn't everything.

This picture reminds me of Chris and I in the kitchen... I often can be washing the dishes and he will come behind me for a cuddle.. I still blush and giggle like a school girl! I usually go weak at the knees when he kisses the back of my neck, and I turn around and kiss him passionately. Finally, we break away, breathless with romance and laughter! Most times, he then pitches in and helps me finish washing up.

This little dalliance of ours to us is quite romantic and that coupled with the fact that Chris helps me with the dishes, makes me feel nurtured and happy- it doesn't take a lot for me! Which is good, because money is short for a lot of flowers and chocolates.

We do go out together for meals whenever we can salt away a little money. Nothing too expensive, but we bring our own ambiance! Just looking into each others' eyes and holding hands over the table reminds us of our early days together and keeps us focused on each other. Truly, we do adore each other.

Because money is in short supply, and because we constantly laugh together and cuddle often, we feel that special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays and Valentines' Day aren't necessary to show affection and love. We in fact, do not buy gifts for these for each other. And it is perfectly fine with us. We do, however look at our wedding photos and reminisce a lot on our anniversary or any other date significant to us...

I think it may be the fact that we are an older married couple that makes it easier to see romance in ways that younger couples don't. With age and fibromyalgia and heart and back problems and Chris with his diabetes, sex is either umcomfortable or impossible. So both Chris and I look forward to a bubble bath at home with a good back wash and nail trims or a foot or back massage. We do that for each other on a regular basis. To us, nurture is romance!

Chris loves me bringing his breakfast into him in the morning. This to him is romantic and although his not buying me presents and sending me cards may seem that he is an unromantic man, nothing could be further from the truth. He sings to me! We have some special songs that he says were written just for us, and he will play them on the computer, and take me in his arms and croon to me as we dance slowly round the living room.

Because I am often in hospital, Chris shows his care by staying with me most of the day until visiting hours are over, just stroking my hair and holding my hand. Or he will come with our laptop and headphones for me. My heart melts with love for him. We can't stand to be away from each other.

Illness, medications, no spoons and age have curtailed our times of intimacy, but we manage to show love to each other in ways that are imaginative, erotic and very caring. There is absolutely no thoughts of unmet needs- love can be expressed in ways other than full sexual intercourse, and we delight in each other regardless! If sex happens, it's a bonus!

So we don't care about no presents or cards for Christmas, or birthdays or Valentines' Day- with the romantic sparks that still fly between us, and our little dalliances, every day is Valentines' Day.

I thank God for Chris as I am one very blessed wife, and I tell him often.... he finds that very romantic too! We are proof that you can live without sex! Sex isn't everything! (This post has been written with my husbands' permission)

Idealistic or faithful

I was rejoicing in my friend’s engagement. She was sharing her dreams of the future with me and showing me her hope chest. She was very much in love with her fiancé and had everything planned to perfection. We discussed her wedding plans, and our views and ideals on marriage itself. One of the questions that came up was if she would continue to work once the children came, and the appropriation of funds coming into the marriage.

I was delighted to hear that my friend intended to be a stay at home mother once the children were born. Prior to that, they were going to have his money and her money in separate accounts with her keeping a secret account for provision for herself in case of marital problems necessitating her setting up a home for herself and the children. I expressed my concern that she should see this as a necessary step when entering into marriage.

She responded with saying that one never knew what the future would hold and it was unrealistic to believe that just because she was married, there would be a guarantee of happiness. She intended to be prepared for any event that should arise.I told her that it was foolhardy to enter marriage- (a Christian marriage at that) with one eye on the altar and the other on the divorce court.

I commented that it seemed to me to be a failing of trust on her part and also that it was in fact laying a foundation of mistrust and deceit in her marriage right from the beginning. Her retort was that I was just being idealistic and that being left without financial security in the event of a marriage failure was not on her agenda. She could not see my point of view so I let it drop- God would have to deal with her heart. I felt saddened by her cynical attitude.

To enter marriage with the view that it may very well end in divorce is a tragic view and a distortion of the covenental view that Christ has for marriage. Marriage is to be built on trust. If there are problems, then they should be worked through. The marriage is already failed in the context of trust if one of the parties has a parachute to use to bail out with when or if the going gets tough. The area of trust has been compromised already by my friend keeping her account secret- she has allowed doubt and deceit to cloud her mind.

One cannot enter a covenant with lies and doubts and plans for self preservation instead of trust in God. Not in a Christian marriage.The whole concept of marriage is built on trust and accountability to each other. I do not think it is idealistic or unrealistic. I think it is a basic principle of marriage that cannot be compromised. Issues of doubt and fear should be ironed out long before the nuptials. For to be double-minded about your commitment in your marriage is to invite trouble and failure.

The heart of the faithful is strong- but where there is any weakness in either spouse’s commitment there will be not only lack of trust but lack of blessing.My prayer is that the LORD will speak to my friend’s heart and give her the commitment and confidence that are hers as she trusts Him and her husband to build and bless their marriage. But first she must let go of the parachute and show herself faithful. Happiness can come only through true commitment and faith.

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man [is] unstable in all his ways.” James 1:5-8

Until the indignation be overpast

Most of us are spending a lot of time at home these days under stay at home laws to stop the spread of the Covid 19. In fact, we here in Melbourne Australia have been lifted to Stage 4 as the numbers of fresh infections increases. Now obviously this is going to make us more weary of the isolation, but it is what it is...

Instead of being frustrated or angry, let us resolve to make the most of this situation and try to find some postitive aspects of this enforced isolation in our homes. This is a time for family to be close together. Let us try to make our homes a sanctuary from the world's trouble and mayhem. So let us deck the halls of our home and heart...

Let us make sure we keep our homes clean and aired.
Let us try to stay to a routine that gives us time to teach our children.
Let us remember that our children will be picking up and hearing fearful information, so let us be particularly loving with them.
Let us make meals that not only fill our family's stomach, but nourish them. Give them something to look forward to at meal times.
Let us be loving with our husband- chances are he has worries about employment and like you, is concerned about how to stretch the finances and keep the roof over your head and food on the table.
Let us try to avoid speaking constantly about the ills of this current state of the world in front of the children. They may be young, but they will take in a lot of fear. If the parents are afraid, then for them, it is the end of the world.
Let us limit watching the news as this is bound to effect everyone. Limit news to finding out directly what you need to know and turn it off.
Let us watch uplifting videos, especially with our children and let's play with them. Make a cubby house and let your children be the Mum and you the child. Use your imagination and delight them.
Let us put our little ones into the bath and sit alongside them, singing songs and telling stories and blowing bubbles with them.
Let us have a sense of calm and peace in our home, for everyone to enjoy.
Let us be particularly attentive and available to our spouse and fan the flames of romance. It works wonders for a marriage.
Let us sit at table and teach the little ones etiquette, and have the table set nicely to make it a time of pleasure and unity.
Let us continue with a daily nightly bedtime routine for the children and keep regular sleeping hours.
Let us pray with our children at night as they go to bed, allowing them to know that God loves them, watches out for them and calls all the stars by name. Invite discussion of any worries so that they can be reassured and sleep better.
Let us keep up with our own appearance and hygiene, for that will make us feel more like we can cope.
Let us use the fine crockery, tableware, cloth serviettes and silver utensils. Drag out the best linen and softest towels and celebrate home and family.
Let us remember to pray for others, particularly for those for whom isolation means domestic violence. Have this link on hand for help if you or someone you know needs protection and advice.
Let us remember to keep close to the LORD Who has gone to prepare a place for us, and is coming to take us Home with Him soon.

Let us deck our halls and hearts with faith, love, peace, joy and hope...until the indignation be overpast

Come, my people, enter thou into thy chambers, and shut thy doors about thee: hide thyself as it were for a little moment, until the indignation be overpast. Isaiah 26:20

A marriage made in Heaven

So today is our 23rd wedding anniversary. I am so pleased to tell you that in spite of it being a bumpy ride sometimes owing to family illnesses and drama, we are still very much in love- and grateful to the LORD.

We both believe God brought us together, and it is no coincidence that two weeks after we both prayed for a partner, we met.

I had been living alone for three years after divorcing my violent ex-husband and for the last few months before meeting Chris, I had gone out with a girlfriend I met at Business College. It was easier for us both to go out together, rather than a woman by herself.

Longing for a husband, I remember praying to God and asking Him to find a mate for me. I was feeling desperately alone and I wore that loneliness like a cloak of gloom over my shoulders. In this prayer, I asked God to help me enjoy my life if it was His will that I remain single.

Rising up from my knees, I felt a sense of hope and purpose, and although the prayer was just uttered, I felt happier and more content. Anyway, back to my friend.

This friend was very hospitable and we often shared a meal at each other's home. She had car problems, and as Chris had been an Automobile Association Road Patrolman in England, and a Royal Automobile Club Victoria Road Patrolman here in Australia, she thought she would ask him to come have a look at it and stay for dinner.

She asked me if I minded if Chris came for dinner, and as I had decided to make more friends and enjoy my singleness, I said that was fine and thought nothing more about it until that evening.

So when I arrived for dinner, Chris was already there and he was seated in the kitchen. I know it is cliche, but it was love at first sight. We were engaged in 2 months and married a year later.

To this day, Chris insists it was a set up, but I can honestly say it wasn't an earthly setup, but we believe it was a heavenly appointment.

As it turned out, Chris came home from work and was feeling alone and despondent. He too wanted a wife- someone to love him, and he prayed. His prayer was almost identical to mine and we worked out it was at about the same time!

Such was the chemistry between us that our courtship and engagement was a whirlwind romance! We knew it was the LORD'S doing.

From day one, I have been at Chris's side, working as his jockey in his Courier business. We got to know each other very well and have literally been inseparable.

We were married in the Melbourne Registry Office 27th June 1998, and renewed our vows with pastors three years ago after my ex-husband passed. This was to include the LORD officially in our marriage as the Registry Office wedding was very quick and clinical.

We did not get to recite our own vows or include the LORD which was a disappointment to us. So we made it right, even though we lived out our marriage with Him included from day one.

So today we both reflect on the rapidity of those 24 years since we met and our 23 years of marriage, and we see the LORD'S Hand in it. We have weathered many a storm, yet the good ship Hicks is still very much afloat.

God has healed us of past hurts in our first marriages: I have learned that there are good kind men in the world and Chris has learned that there are women who love their husbands and are faithful to their vows.

With grateful hearts, we bless and thank the LORD for His goodness and compassion to us in giving us a marriage made in Heaven.

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

Sometimes you just have to move to another beach

So, I was just sitting having a cuppa, thinking about previous years, mulling over my life. It seems that when you are nearing 70 that you have the time and length of years to do so.

My beloved husband, Chris has just turned 71, and I was reflecting on our 23 years of marriage and I was quietly thanking the LORD for him.

As often happens, my mind reflected on the different ways this marriage has blessed me, and it suddenly dawned on me that the reason for my divorce was not that I was a bad wife to my ex-husband.

You probably already know that I had a very violent 25 year marriage and it resulted in such trauma and loss of self esteem and confidence, that I seriously thought I would remain single for life.

Then three years after I left my ex-husband, I met Chris. He is an answer to prayer, and he tells me I am to him. A year later, we married. It is so very different from the first marriage, but I am basically the same type of wife to Chris. And he loves me.

I wondered why I was so detested and disrespected by my ex-husband, especially as my behaviour was loving and respectful to him. I prayed constantly for him, went to marriage counselling at church by myself, and believed that one day he would love me and not take his anger out on me. Yet, no matter how much I tried to please him in all things, he never was happy.

Truly, I think over the years, I wore more food than he ate, and cooking for him was nerve wracking. Yet Chris finds my cooking good and never complains. So it wasn't that.

Often I would try to find out how I could please my ex-husband and he would never tell me what was wrong. He would tell me how awful a personality I had and that I had to change, and when I asked him what specifically annoyed him for me to change and ask forgiveness for, he wouldn't give me an answer.

This not only led to anxiety/panic attacks, but seriously eroded any modicum of confidence I had after my traumatic childhood.

Such was my morbid introspection, that I ended up unable to eat and eventually unable to stop shaking. I spent a day in a psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with extreme stress/anxiety and advised to leave my errant husband.

After years of telling me I was crazy whenever I reacted to his abuse and punches, he had the gall to demand I come home as I wasn't crazy and didn't need hospitalisation. I was discharged into my GP's care and left my ex-husband after another 7 years of trying to win him over and have a happy marriage.

The night before I left, I told him how unhappy I was. I also asked him to go to marriage counselling with me or I would be leaving in the morning. He told me he wasn't going because he had done nothing wrong and it was all my fault that he hated me. He said I could divorce him but he wasn't going to pay for it. I did.

That morning after he went to work, I filled two garbage bags with my clothes and baby albums and Bible, and left. I was shattered and heart-broken that he wouldn't take any responsibility and when that happens, it is pretty certain that their heart is no longer in staying married.

I went to business college and later got a job, a nice home and some confidence. But the trauma and head messing left me empty, and sad that I had invested 25 long years in a marriage where I was never loved or even wanted. It left me afraid that he would be proven correct in that I would live alone forever, without even knowing what was wrong with me. It also left me with PTSD.

With a very happy marriage of 23 years this coming Sunday, my conclusions are that no matter how much you try to appease an abuser, no matter how much you turn yourself inside out for answers to improve yourself, no matter how you look, or talk, or cook, or save, or mother, or clean or love, you will never do enough to please them. And you can't ever please them because they don't want to be placated.

Sadly, sometimes to save yourself, you just have to pick up your beach umbrella, shake off the sand, and move to another beach.

He delivers me from my enemies.You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

I'm afraid of the dark.

Every evening as soon as the street lights come on, I start nesting. I close all the drapes, put the lamps and lights on and prepare to relax.

I want to block out the moon and stars, and I don't want to see smoke coming from chimney tops of farm houses nearby. As soon as dinner is over, I hop into my pyjamas and turn our electric blankets on. Then I snuggle up to Chris.

There's nothing nicer to hear than the rain on my tin roof or windows and I luxuriate in the warmth of my living room or bed. And I give thanks for a safe home, a warm home and bed and a loving husband. My joy is complete.

I hate being out and when it gets to twilight the dark of night follows closely and unnerves me somewhat. Sensing my fear, Chris turns the heat up in the car, puts a worship CD on for me and assures me we will be home soon. He knows my life story and he cares enough to try to comfort me when darkness overtakes us in the natural hours of night time.

My childhood was one of fleeing alcoholic's rages, defending my mother from my father's attacks and looking out for my siblings. Too many times to recount, we would have to flee our warm home or bed as Dad was on a drunken rage and he would chuck beer bottles at us as we fled down our hill in the night.

With a pounding heart, we would run from him and the damage broken glass could do to us, and the fear would be compounded by a longing to live a peaceful life like our friends and playmates.

Flickers of light through the curtains of our neighbour's homes would show that adults would still be watching TV and the moon glowed enough to make out the smoke from their chimney. How we longed to be normal and still tucked in our beds with Mum, Dad and our resident drunk, our uncle watching TV as we drifted off to sleep in our nearby bedrooms.

But those times gradually became less and still were ongoing when I was hastily married at 16. My nightmare had just begun. After a horrific 25 year marriage I finally broke free and had the peace of my own place with no alcohol in sight. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

The nightmare was ended and my new chapter began three years later when I met and married Chris. He has been an answer to prayer and my gift from the LORD for trying to honour a man who broke my bones, burnt me with cigarettes, kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant and raped me after surgery.

But the foundation of violence has left me with PostTraumaticStressDisorder which sometimes gives me panic attacks and flashbacks. No romantic moons, wishes upon a star or evening walks for me. But God created a loving man just for His damaged daughter-a man who still loves me and knows why I'm afraid of the dark.

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

You still are her!

I know that we women who suffer from chronic illness and pain often fret because we want with all our hearts to be like the Proverbs 31 woman. Yet no matter how hard we try, we feel we cannot be like her. We then either give up completely, or sink into a deep depression… Sometimes we are far too hard on ourselves, even demanding more of ourselves than God does. After all, He understands us- He knows our frame and remembers we are but dust.

Another thing that we tend to do is to take man’s standard of being a good wife, mother and homemaker and we, on finding we cannot keep up with our healthier Sisters, wilt under the strain. This is a shame because Jesus says to come to Him all who are weary and He will give us rest. His yoke is light. But the perfectionism of man isn’t. Wouldn’t it be sad for us to constantly feel false guilt because we can’t keep up our homes like Martha Stewart? But here is some good news: we may very well find out after looking into the scriptures that we are closer to being a Proverbs 31 woman than we think….

Firstly, we must remember that the Word of God is the first and last authority in our lives. What exactly does God say about the godly woman? In Proverbs 31:10-31 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies… Is your heart yearning to be a virtuous woman? Are you seeking to serve God despite your pain? If you are, then your price is far above rubies!

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil… Do you seek to be a blessing to your husband? Can he trust you with his heart, his dreams and fears, raising his children and keeping his home to the best of your ability? Then your husband will be blessed for you already have his trust. That too is a truly precious thing!

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life… Do you try to be a help meet for him? Are you consistently thinking the best of him, serving him in love and trying to be as unselfish as you can be, even in your worst times of illness or pain? If so, you are emulating that seemingly elusive Proverbs 31 woman!

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands… When you are feeling reasonably well, do you try to do something creative that will benefit your family? Do you work willingly even though it hurts? Willingness is a matter of heart, not productivity. If you work willingly no matter how small the job, you have the spirit of the Proverbs 31 woman!

She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar... This one can be a toughie, especially with illness at its height. But I also believe that the ill woman who seeks out coupons and directs those who are able to help with the purchasing of groceries to shop at the cheapest but best for money supermarkets, is living this verse to the best of her ability. She is like the merchant’s ships- charting their course from her bed or buying her food online!

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens… Again, a seeming impossibility for the chronically ill woman. But again the spirit of the Proverbs 31 woman is seen in not in the early rising per se but in the planning of the godly woman as she directs her helpers in conducting the running of the home. She or someone else must have a plan of action and I take that as giving meat and portions to her maidens.

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard… There is nothing to stop an ill woman having a say in business matters or running a home business from her sick bed if at all possible. She may not be able to plant a vineyard with her own hands but the spirit of this wonderful woman of God can be seen in the planning, thought and effort in being business savvy, and this is her toil. She is still emulating her!

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms… This is a tough one for those of us with chronic illness and pain. But again I see us being that woman of God in taking care of our bodies, managing our illness, seeking knowledge from medical professionals or naturopaths and making sure we do precisely what we are told to do. That includes getting rest and trying to cast our cares on the LORD so as to strengthen ourselves!

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night... As we survey our efforts in managing our home and family, we will see that we have done well- for it is so much harder than for those of able body. We need our rest but our candle not going out at night means that we are diligent in the overseeing of our home and our eyes are ever vigilant to see just what goes on around us- even when we are taking our rest!

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff…Whenever possible, we seek to be as diligent as possible keeping watch over our household, our children and our husband. We work as much as is humanly possible but we do not fret if we cannot honestly cope with work at any particular time. Again, I see this as a matter of heart. … The godly woman who suffers from chronic illness and pain but who seeks to serve the LORD despite her pain- is more like the Proverbs 31 woman than she could ever imagine….

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy... Kindness and compassion is a matter of heart and the heart of the giver is one of compassion. I see no reason why the chronically ill woman cannot extend her hands to the needy in special offerings or acts of kindness.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet...Again, the chronically ill woman can take comfort in knowing her family is well clothed. It is relatively easy to shop by catalogue or online through ebay. Planning and diligence in being observant to your family’s needs and sizes will pay off in knowing that they are warm and well-presented.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple…Again, this making of tapestries etc would depend on how severe the sufferer’s illness and pain was, but I feel that the essence of this verse is that we can still take a pride in our appearance in spite of our illness. I know sometimes this can be one of the last things on our minds, but I think it is important to ourselves and our husbands to try to keep tidy.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land…A husband who is well-loved will usually be willing to learn how to iron his shirt in times of his wife’s illness’s flare. If not, there are laundries that press shirts. A husband of a godly woman will never be known for an untidy and unkempt appearance. It is just harder for us as we have to be super diligent. If we can’t help our men retain honour by being well-presented, we should seek out helpers who will either volunteer or help for a small fee.

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant… Again, this is often difficult for the ill woman to achieve but I believe the spirit of the Proverbs 31 woman is shown in the extra planning and eye for detail in watching over her family and household. As we know, everything is more difficult and the ill woman will be ever seeking to cut corners in order to have her home run well.

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come...The chronically ill woman works harder than most for she starts her day at a disadvantage- usually lack of sleep due to pain. She has medications to take that can have disastrous side-effects such as making her sleep when she needs to be awake or nausea. But she works diligently as best she can to keep the home fires burning and the family happy. She is often the most selfless of women! She will be able to take pleasure in times to come, knowing that she did her best before God, to be His woman! She is a woman who should be honoured above all others, in life and in the one to come!

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness...I believe the godly chronically ill woman who reads the Word and keeps close to the LORD will open her mouth with wisdom, she will speak with kindness despite feeling unwell, for the LORD Himself will strengthen her spiritually.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness... Even though the chronically ill Christian woman may be bedridden, she can still look well to the ways of her household. By being attentive and delegating responsibilities wherever possible, she will never eat the bread of idleness. Being bedridden does not necessarily mean that one is idle. Indeed, running a home from your sick bed is a feat that surpasses the strength and vigilance of healthier stronger women!

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her… As children grow and your husband sees your efforts and realises the sacrifices that you have made- and the extra pain it has caused to ensure their upbringing is well done and that they are all comfortable and well looked after, they will bless and praise you. You are such a blessing to them!

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all, favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD she shall be praised.… Indeed, many women will have done virtuously, but you have put it in harder than most- you surely you do excel them all! When many would just crumble, you have kept striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates...You see, you will have the fruit of hands and your own works will praise you in the gates- because despite all obstacles, you have run the race and won- for you really *are* a Proverbs 31 woman!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

They will be wonderful wives and mothers

Have you ever stopped to think about how most of us prepare for marriage and childbirth and then once that is accomplished, we fall by the roadside? How many websites, magazines, articles, CD’s etc are there dedicated to these subjects?

We are prepared for the BIG DAY: the wedding day, the delivery day- yet how many of us find a sense of disillusionment in life after the BIG DAY has been? We are simply- unprepared! It is not that preparing for one’s wedding day or impending birth of a child is wrong in itself, but to focus all one’s attention on the BIG DAY and lose focus on the YEARS thereafter is foolhardy. After all, a marriage comes after a wedding and a lifetime of parenting comes after a birth.

The years after the BIG DAY is where the rubber meets the road.. So many women put all their attention on their wedding- the preparations, the drama, the dreaming, the romance and the culmination of years of planning and rehearsing in her head. But once married, how many are prepared for the hard work of tending and nurturing that marriage. For marriage is hard work at times and we would be foolish to think otherwise.

Let’s be honest: how many of us have taken the time to study about marriage as the institution it is- not the romanticised notion but the reality? Often if we have not prepared and studied not only the scriptures on marriage but studied and observed our husbands- we will find ourselves being bogged down by feelings of disillusionment and disenchantment.

Likewise, how many of us expectant mothers haven’t bothered to read up on childbirth, practiced all the exercises and relaxation tips for labour, eaten well and obsessed about ours and our child’s health? But how many of us have read up on child-raising, education, and marital adjustment and so forth for the years of parenting ahead?

It is very short-sighted to place all one’s attention on the delivery of a child to the neglect of acquiring knowledge about the raising of that child. After all, childbirth is a day, parenthood is for life!

We must equip ourselves and our daughters to be the best wives (not brides), the best mothers (not labouring women), so that they will be well prepared to cope with the reality of life. When the rubber meets the road and they find that their BIG DAYS are followed by years of hard work and effort, they will be women of strength, fortitude and confidence- and they will be wonderful wives and mothers.

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22

Perfect for all generations

In a world that is constantly changing in standards and morality, it is comforting to know that every time we read scripture that it is unchanging.

God's Word addresses all mankind's needs and is an infallible guide to living righteously. Most importantly, it is the only way in which we can truly know God and take His offer of salvation.

As with all else in our world, many people are constantly picking and choosing verses and adapting them to suit their own plans and agenda. They bend God's Word to suit themselves...

No doubt we have heard people declare that God's Word was written for mankind many years ago, and surely is not relevant to today.

We have all heard similar to this: "Surely in this day and age, we are not expected to..."

to marry instead of cohabiting
to get married before having children
to be celibate until marriage
to keep our marriage vows
to continue with an unplanned pregnancy
to submit to our husband as unto the LORD
to serve our family as a stay at home wife and mother
to trust the LORD with our family size
to honour our father and mother
to bring our children up before the LORD
to tithe a tenth of our income
to teach our children about God
to pray and to teach our children to pray
to give thanks for our food
to teach our children to respect the authorities
to educate our children at home or at a Christian school
to watch over our household and guard it zealously
to watch our speech, speaking in love
to train our daughters in homemaking
to teach our sons to respect women
to remain in a marriage that is causing unhappiness (I am not talking about abuse)
to train ourselves to take personal responsibility in our actions and to teach our children to
to teach our children that God created marriage for a man and a woman and that the homosexual life style is sinful

God's Word is true and unchangeable. This brings us a certain comfort in knowing that we have direction in Christian living. We have direction in bringing up our children to be God fearing citizens.

God Himself is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. His Word does not return to Him void. He will fulfill all His promises to us.

By taking His Word seriously, we will live a life that is not only satisfying to us, but pleasing to God.

The wise woman will listen to it, live it and pass it on to her children through example. It is the very stability of the Word that is our rock as well as our salvation and it is perfect for all generations.

“In the fear of the LORD [is] strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge ’ Proverbs 14:26

Dying for a hug

Ever since childhood, I have been a person who loves close contact. I needed to be loved, but sadly that was something that I longed for, but never received as a child, then as a young adult.

Now nearly 70 years old, I have been diagnosed with depression, post traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder and fibromyalgia, to which there is a link with childhood abuse.

Like trying to lose weight after taking medications for hyothyroidism, my current happy marriage and constant hugs and demonstrative affection, has not been able to erradicate the damage that was done in my childhood.

Open affection was something denied to me until I left my abusive husband after 25 years of hell and met Chris. During the 4 years between leaving my ex husband and meeting and marrying Chris, I felt so very alone.

I was never alone, not even in the womb, and being solo was strange and difficult for me. I was enveloped by a loneliness that draped itself around my shoulders like a wet soggy cloak of despair.

The only physical contact I had was at church, where we passed the peace, hugged our friends and received a chaste kiss on the cheek. I lived for that brief time every week.

I have read of an experiment that denied newborns affection, and each of the babies died. Perhaps this lack of affection was something that effected adults too. I know it was a big part in my becoming pregnant at 16, taken in by a man who told me he loved me. He started his abuse as soon as the ink dried on the marriage certificate and still continued (long distance) even after the ink dried on the divorce papers.

It is a blessing that Chris knows all my past and understands me, for even today I cannot bear to be outside at night. This is due to the fact that we often had to vacate our warm beds in the early hours of the morning with Dad chasing us in a drunken state, throwing beer bottles at us as we fled. Once it gets night, I feel anxious if I am not home and settled.

I am talking to you about this not for pity but a warning that hugs, kisses, cuddles, affectionate voices and other demonstrations of love is critical for a child's development. To give a child a happy childhood peppered with demonstrations of love and oodles of hugs is the best thing you can give them- more important than expensive toys.

During this enforced staying at home, let's make an effort to be demonstrative in our affections. Let's hug our children often, hold hands with our husband and nurture the need for touch and feeling loved.

"But what if my husband is not the affectionate sort?" you ask. Love him anyway, even if he is surprised by it. It will benefit not only your marriage, but your children. And who knows, you might even find that underneath the hesitation to show affection, he is starved for it, and is dying for a hug.

Titus 2:4-5 “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Let's deck our halls and hearts

Most of us are spending a lot of time at home these days under stay at home laws to stop the spread of the Corona Virus. In fact, we here in Melbourne Australia have been lifted to Stage 4 as the numbers of fresh infections increases. Now obviously this is going to make us more weary of the isolation, but it is what it is...

Let us make sure we keep our homes clean and aired.
Let us try to stay to a routine that gives us time to teach our children.
Let us remember that our children will be picking up and hearing fearful information, so let us be particularly loving with them.
Let us make meals that not only fill our family's stomach, but nourish them. Give them something to look forward to at meal times.
Let us be loving with our husband- chances are he has worries about employment and like you, is concerned about how to stretch the finances and keep the roof over your head and food on the table.
Let us try to avoid speaking constantly about the ills of this current state of the world in front of the children. They may be young, but they will take in a lot of fear. If the parents are afraid, then for them, it is the end of the world.
Let us limit watching the news as this is bound to effect everyone. Limit news to finding out directly what you need to know and turn it off.
Let us watch uplifting videos, especially with our children and let's play with them. Make a cubby house and let your children be the Mum and you the child. Use your imagination and delight them.
Let us put our little ones into the bath and sit alongside them, singing songs and telling stories and blowing bubbles with them.
Let us have a sense of calm and peace in our home, for everyone to enjoy.
Let us be particularly attentive and available to our spouse and fan the flames of romance. It works wonders for a marriage.
Let us sit at table and teach the little ones etiquette, and have the table set nicely to make it a time of pleasure and unity.
Let us continue with a daily nightly bedtime routine for the children and keep regular sleeping hours.
Let us pray with our children at night as they go to bed, allowing them to know that God loves them, watches out for them and calls all the stars by name. Invite discussion of any worries so that they can be reassured and sleep better.
Let us keep up with our own appearance and hygiene, for that will make us feel more like we can cope.
Let us use the fine crockery, tableware, cloth serviettes and silver utensils. Drag out the best linen and softest towels and celebrate home and family.
Let us remember to pray for others, particularly for those for whom isolation means domestic violence. Have this link on hand for help if you or someone you know needs protection and advice.
Let us remember to keep close to the LORD Who has gone to prepare a place for us, and is coming to take us Home with Him soon.

Whilst we wait for Him, let us deck our halls and hearts with faith, love, peace, joy and hope...

John 14:1-2 Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.