Morning Cuppas With Glenys

Peaceful home making

Can you imagine living in a world where it is still acceptable to stay home with your children, serve your husband, and dare I say it - keep your home? Where marriage, home and motherhood are held in high esteem and the women caring for their families are blessed by and for their efforts? Picture the scene of past eras wherein a young woman usually left the workforce after marriage to serve her husband and keep her home and await the arrival of her children. She was not looked down on at all, rather the role of wife/mother/homemaker was elevated into something to aspire to. For it is an honourable calling.

We all know that the disdain we stay at home wives and mothers feel today from the world (and even some churches) is contrary to the scriptural role, and we know that it wasn't always so. And as more and more women are pressured into having less children and putting their babies into day centres, a lot of women are feeling cheated and discontented. If the truth was told, I truly believe that most of the women in the workforce today would prefer to be at home having more babies and loving their life! Why isn't it like this today?

Firstly, I believe a lot of women have bought the lie of feminism. We have been buffeted about and overloaded with so much of their rhetoric that we have slowly come to accept a great deal of what they say. Bowing under the pressure of the world, we have become discontented with our God-given role as wife/mother and keeper of our home.

Secondly, I believe women have generally been so highly educated that they are afraid that they will waste it by staying home. I think nothing could be further from the truth. All education is profitable for a woman- especially if she plans to home school her children. This is slowly gaining popularity in Australia, though nowhere near as much as in the States. But the point I am making is that as mothers, we are teachers. Our knowledge will only serve to benefit our family. And make us more interesting to our husbands.

Thirdly, I think in general we have set our sights on worldly things- the biggest home, cars, furnishings, designer clothing and expensive holidays etc. We have been sucked into the worship of the ravenous god of materialism and commercialism. Homemade is no longer good enough, home cooked is often a rarity, home keeping is a rushed chore and a burden- yet even so, home still is the sweetest place to be and always beckons us back. Are working mothers really getting value for their money? No! By the time we add up the work clothes, gas and fares for getting to and from work, the bought lunches, the more expensive packaged foods for faster meals, and last but in no way, least- the childcare centre, we have very little money available for spending. Are we starting to feel a little bit disillusioned? I would guess: yes a tad!

Now I am not naive: I know about mortgages, or renting, I know how hard it is to keep food on the table and clothes on the family's back- but what I know too is that a lot of extraneous spending could be curtailed and it would be far more profitable to stay at home. I know this, because as have previously shared- I did it for a while. It is more profitable not to work outside the home. And infinitely more satisfying for the whole family.

Frugality, budgeting, and cutting one's cloth according to income are not dirty words: they are words of life- family life. With a bit of planning and foresight, I believe a lot of women would be able to stay home and not suffer for it. The tools are planning, budgeting, frugality, wisdom and desire. I believe it is possible still today to manage on one man's wage- if we learn to be content with what we have or to downsize to make staying home with the children feasible. It is a heart issue.

So back to imagination: can you imagine rising and getting your husband off to work, having made him a leisurely breakfast and a cut lunch, guiding your children through bathing, dressing and breakfast in a calm manner, filling them with the best of breakfasts, then homeschooling or sending them to school with a nutritious packed lunch? No frantic last-minute hunt for lost notebooks or library books-or hearing your child read whilst you are hurriedly applying your makeup for work? Or worse still, from the other side of the bathroom door? No, you have had plenty of time last night to do these things and to be organised for the early morning rush. You are looking well to the ways of your own household.

As soon as the children are at school or setting about their lessons at home, you start to work your way through your chores, making beds and doing laundry whilst the crockpot bubbles away with some soup for lunch and the meat defrosts for the evening meal. You know exactly what you are having: you made your menu and shopping list and you are in control! Doesn't it feel good? Tonight when your husband gets home from work, you will be there to greet him with the children working steadily at their homework and the table set and dinner's delicious aroma wafting through the house to welcome him home. And if Dad works late shift, the children will at least get to see him at breakfast instead of being dragged out of their bed at some early hour to go to daycare.

Imagine if this was a reality in your life- would you want it? Thousands of women are turning their back on materialism, small families and feministic ideals and are turning back to God's Word for their lives and families. They are coping and they are gaining strength as a force that is pro-life, pro-family and pro-marriage. Their children are reaping the benefits of having a full-time mother who fills their world with soundness in a world she knows is anything but.

What is the future for the stay-at home mother? I believe job satisfaction: the knowledge that because she has applied herself to live her life according to godly principles and used wisdom, frugality and ingenuity in order to do it. Her marriage is stronger, her children happier and her home easier to manage. She knows that she is really free at last to be all God created her to be- a loving wife, mother and keeper of her home. And she rejoices at the days to come. Her husband is well looked after and well loved, as are her children. She doesn't worry what the world thinks about her life choices- she is following God's plan for her life. And her life is good- for all God's ways are good.

Imagine if all married women vetoed the work force, applied themselves to living frugally and returned home as stay at home wives and mothers…I imagine a lot of people would return to peaceful home making.

"I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." 1 Timothy 5:14

Drop and run.

Apparently over here, there's a day care mothers' strategy for sick children called, "drop and run". If the child is showing signs of being unwell, they are given paracetamol twenty minutes before arriving at day care. That gives it time to take affect and the child appears well.

Mum just drops the child off as usual and goes to work. As soon as the symptoms reappear, they try to contact Mum but she won't answer her phone. Result: a sick child who needs attention and a day care facility in danger of infecting all there. That's why children in day care often get sick.

I understand the need to keep down a job, but surely dumping a sick child on paid carers would ensure that a loving mother would not do a good job.

Really, her job in God's sight would be staying home caring for her sick child. It would be better for the child, better for the mother and better for the carers. Our sick children deserve better than to be pawns in the drop and run game.

"Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 18:10

I can hardly wait!

As most of you know, I have both knees injured with torn menisci and ligaments. Showers are difficult as it's hard to stand.

I find myself grieving the loss of independence and the ability to take a bath. So it was with great joy that I found this The Aquatec orca bath lift a bath lift for getting in and out of the bath.

We went to the Mobility Aids shop and I bought one. It was $875AUD including delivery of $70. It will be delivered this Friday. I am overjoyed.

I know it is expensive, but I figure it will be worth every cent. Plus you can pay it on Afterpay. And Chris will also be able to use it so that's good for him as well.

At the end of a fibromyalgia filled day or a day of back pain, a bath can be so comforting. I can hardly wait!

Is your husband a happily married man?

Most of us married people want to be happy in our marriage. We want it to last forever and we want our husband to be happy. A big part of a man's happiness involves how loved, respected and appreciated he feels. So how do we make him feel that?

With Chris, he appreciates me listening to him and giving him my full attention. So when he talks to me about things that I have no interest in like cars and motorbikes and so on, I make myself listen and interact with him. This is a real test of my patience for me because we are together 24/7 every day of the year.

He doesn't help me much in the home because of his own health issues, so when he does, I thank him sincerely. Usually I give him a kiss as well because his love language is touch. Fortunately mine is as well.

I think honest appreciation and praise help build a man's esteem and I often tell Chris what I love about him and we celebrate little anniversaries of events like when we got engaged, our first kiss and so on. It keeps our love alive.

Although once I said that Chris is a good man but a horrible patient, I don't bag him to others- especially family. I think that is something that a lot of married people do and it makes a man feel anything but appreciated and respected.

Like most people if they are honest, we have had an occasional fight, but generally I would say that we both feel respected, appreciated and loved.

On the private side of marriage, I feel it's important to be affectionate and responsive to your husband and never belittle him if he truly isn't a Don Juon.

In regards to parenting, I believe a man can be shot down in flames in front of his children if we are not united in front of them. Respect and appreciation is necessary so as not to usurp his authority as a father and leader of the home.

A man's provision for his family should never be called into question. He is usually spinning his wheel as fast as he can at work and we should never belittle him or grumble about how much other men are earning more than him.

One should never emasculate one's husband by suggesting he "get a real job" when he is toiling at a job that some consider beneath them.

We must show our appreciation and respect of him as bread winner by supporting him in whatever line of work he's in. Respect and appreciation make a man feel loved.

It is within a wife's power to keep a man happy and feeling respected and appreciated. Any man can be married, but not happy. Is your husband a happily married man?

For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Peter 3:5-6

Bother to lift us up and not tear us down

It amazes me how many people are uninformed about something yet feel compelled to give an opinion or advice about it.

When I got fibromyalgia everyone told me it was in my head. I pushed myself physically to get through it but the emotional toll was so bad. Guilt. Failure. Self loathing. Exacerbation of it all. In the end it was all for nothing: fibromyalgia is real.

How one talks to a chronically ill person is important as often they can take those words and apply it to themself, even if that person really doesn't understand about their illness.

Quite often speaking erroneously and negatively can damage a person so much that they actually feel worse. Those words have the propensity to cause so much emotionally destructive thoughts that cripple a person worse than the disease or ailment they suffer does.

Unsolicited advice such as starting exercising, dieting, positive thinking, all sound great for most maladies, but alas, not so great for chronic illness such as heart failure, osteoporosis, spinal stenosis, lupus and fibromyalgia.

Taking this on board for the person already grieving for their lost health can lead a person straight to the Pit of Despair. And it achieves nothing.

A little kindness would go a long way to helping the chronically ill retain self respect and accept their illness quicker. But most times those who give advice are anything but kind, sounding judgmental and arrogant. Which just expounds on how truly unhelpful they really are- or try to be.

Being kind and gentle to those suffering is Christ's way- so if you think you have enough knowledge and love to impart some wisdom and instruction to a chronically ill person- do so gently and kindly.

God Himself knows we have enough to contend with already as we walk the sad and lonely path of illness. We need less words and more acts that impart sympathy and compassion.

Pray for us and comfort us and be one of the few who bother to lift us up and not tear us down.

And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Matthew 14:14

More spoons to enjoy life.

We have just moved and we are both quite tired still. Although the house is functional, there's still a lot of unpacking to do.

This weekend, two of our grandchildren wanted to come see us and give us their verdict of the new house. Knowing that memories are all we will have once they are grown, we agreed to have them.

Although I am suffering from a bad fibromyalgia flare, I got dressed and stayed up in order to spend time with them.

We cooked lunch together and watched family videos of when they were first born and growing up. It was fun but it was also non taxing to my sore body.

Today I am expecting a lady to come clean for a couple of hours. She did such a good job of cleaning our old house for our bond return, that I asked her if she would like to do a regular clean for us once a fortnight. She agreed.

With my poor daughter suffering from fibromyalgia as well and now living two minutes away, she also agreed to clean her house after ours each fortnight as well.

Both my daughter and I are finding just cooking, cleaning our kitchen, doing washing, grocery shopping, running errands like going to the chemist, planning finances and feeding our pets is enough of a job. We need some extra help.

There's very little help here for chronically ill people who can't do housework. What little we did get has been stopped since a new government has taken over the reins. So we have to pay privately.

I am grateful that I can save enough each fortnight to afford a cleaner's help. It not only keeps my home clean, but gives me more spoons to enjoy life.

Choose the best

When reading the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:40, many people think that Jesus was rebuking Martha in a negative way. But I don't believe this is so. He in fact, was liberating her from her perfectionism and showing her that there is more to life than just the mundane.

You may recall that Martha was busy serving and preparing the evening meal, whereas Mary was simply enjoying listening to Jesus. Martha was doing an important job, as do we wives and mothers when we manage our households and serve our families. We all know that preparing three meals a day, washing and ironing, cleaning and tidying the house, as well as caring for those of our household- and even extended households sometimes, is mundane. But no one would suggest it wasn't important. So Jesus wasn't undermining its' importance, but He was saying that putting the things of the LORD first is a better way.....

Have you ever thought about how we can so easily get too involved with the practical aspects and lose out on the social and spiritual side? I often plan to make time for Bible reading, or playing with my grandchildren or spending time with Chris, only to find that I have found something else to do. I need to prioritise my life. So, we must look at the Titus 2 order of priorities- love God, love your husband, love your children, then be a worker at home! This layout of priorities also emphasises the importance that our husbands be our first priority after God! That means my children are second to the needs of my husband. To clarify- that does not mean if a child is crying or needs something that we don't attend to them. It means we defer to our husband and put his wishes before our children's.

Often times we get so busy serving our husbands and children that we overlook enjoying them! Take time to enjoy the other important things in life, your children: they will grow up fast, and this season will be short! Leave the household chores that aren’t urgent to the childrens’ nap times, and spend time enjoying them while they are awake! Make time for your husband. He will be happier for it, you will feel more fulfilled and your children will have a happier home life because you have a good marriage!

And remember to spend time with God, for He is our firm foundation. God wants us to enjoy our life. Let us then be balanced and live under His Umbrella of Protection. For in Gods' Divine Order, we will find the balance we need for the other important things.We need to tend to the mundane things like housework, but we see that Jesus says it's important to tend to our spirit too. So choose the best!

But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. Luke 10:40

Engagement is the new wedding

Over the years I have noticed a growing trend in both Christian and non-Christian people to prolong their engagement over many years, and often not even to end up marrying. Often there is an engagement party and the couple are asked if they have set a date for their wedding. Usually there is no real indication of when they plan to marry, just a vague wave of the hand and a casual "when we get around to it" attitude.

In biblical times a Jewish betrothal was generally about 12 months. However, the betrothal was as if the couple were married and in fact to break the betrothal would require a divorce. Sexual relations did not take place. Indeed if a betrothed person was found to have had intercourse with someone not their betrothed, they could be stoned for adultery.

A marriage contract was called a Ketubah During this time, the groom would prepare a place for his betrothed wife. There was never any doubt that a marriage would be consummated, but the exact date was usually known only to the groom. The bride stayed with her parents and waited for her groom.

Today, there are no real expectations or enforcements of engagements. They can be broken with a minimum of outward fuss- most fuss being internalised and emotional. Other times, the young couple will just cohabit as if married and there is no wedding ring- ever. But an engagement is not a marriage.

For young Christians who become engaged, the temptation to become sexually involved is strong, and for this reason I believe an engagement shouldn't be prolonged. And just like marriage, an engagement shouldn't be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. Christians are different from the unsaved in that when one gives a promise or their word, we should carry it through.

For those considering marriage, make sure that you are fully intending to marry and that your engagement isn't too long. Impurity and cohabitation are not in God's plan for our life: He wants us to marry and bear precious seed for Him.

Becoming engaged is a promise to marry, not a promise to be exclusively available for a "permanent" relationship, nor is it to be seen as a licence for cohabitation. Betrothal from the earliest times has been seen to precede a marriage.

Everlasting engagements are the gateway to failure in being godly wives and mothers. They can lead to us being left with just our engagement ring and memories, and perhaps, with a baby or two in tow. Engagement is the new wedding.

And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. Hosea 2:19

Out of my comfort zone.

I am so exhausted right now. We have just moved house and as expected, I have welcomed a new fibromyalgia flare.

Having fibromyalgia for 23 years, I knew it would end like this, but in life some things are unavoidable and you just have to go with it.

So I sit here writing to you, trying to wind down enough to actually fall asleep. I have succeeded in making the home functional but there's much to still be done.

It will have to wait until tomorrow. As long as I have clean clothes for tomorrow and some clean cups and plates, it will have to suffice.

I hate moving so much, but I do love the house we have moved to and I am hoping the next tenants feed the birds and stray feral cat who comes to dine. I will miss them.

Wednesday I need to go to our doctor, so we will hand the keys in to the real estate then. Then they can inspect it and show prospective tenants through.

It looked lovely after the cleaners had been yesterday and the carpet cleaner's spray was perfumed so nicely. It was hard work for me to get to this point, but as I said, it was necessary.

I cleaned and packed like a pro and we expect to get our bond or security money back with no problems. My muscles are so weak now but I think the results of my effort should pay off even though I was out of my comfort zone.

It fills the void of an empty nest.

I have had our granddaughter Taylah, 10 with us for a few days as it's school holidays here and her mother works. Sunday we picked her up and we took her home Wednesday.

It's been proven that children who have grandparents active in their life are happier than children who don't- so much so, that older people are hired to be "grandparents" to children who lack them.

I think it's a two way street though. All 15 grandchildren and one great grandchild have had quality time with us and enjoyed it, but I have to say that it was reciprocal and we enjoy being there for them.

Taylah in particular has spent a lot of time with us as her mother is a single mother and works hard and long hours. Taylah has enjoyed seeing life as a country girl, learnt basic cooking skills, role played as a nurse or hairdresser or doctor, made cubby houses with me, read stories to me when she got advanced in her reading, learnt about lineage and cultures of us, her grandparents, learnt even about Judaism, basic facts of life when necessary, basic baby care, learned to speak some Italian and French, and much else- besides the most important- she has come to a saving knowledge of Christ.

Over the years, all this has been passed on to her in an easy, matter of fact way, and she has sometimes stretched my knowledge in answering her very clever questions. Being a curious child, she has been happy to learn and I in turn, have been happy to teach her.

Teaching our children and grandchildren is a natural thing and it is biblical. We not only train them, but pass down vital information that is from generation to generation. It is a responsibility that I take seriously, and as a grandmother, I find I not only have the time to step in the gap to help my busy daughter earn a wage, but I help her raise her child in a well rounded, informed way.

I find that taking time with our grandchildren not only helps them avoid being depressed, but helps us as well. Grandchildren, like our children, keep us young, and fill the void of an empty nest.

Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers. Proverbs 17:6

Pain is a disability

Anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that it precludes us from a lot of enjoyment of life. Pain makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear.

Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

Pain disables us in many ways. from physical activity. from family life. from sex. from sleep. from patience. from social life. from functioning normally. from life generally.

The effects of pain cause us to withdraw from people and become reclusive. It makes us feel isolated and unable to really feel understood or validated. We learn to be distrustful of others.

Because chronic pain, in my case fibromyalgia, causes us so much mental as well as physical angst, we decide to retreat to our home often preferring it even if we had enough spoons to leave.

Seeing as pain is such a disabling affliction, it makes no sense to me that we are often regarded by doctors with suspicion when we request heavy duty pain relief such as opiates.

Most of us cannot get enough medication to adequately help us with our pain. We often then succumb to depression and live as recluses due to agoraphobia.

We who suffer from chronic pain know that it is a disability. Invisible and destructive. We live in the knowledge that pain is disabling.

We just wish doctors were as aware of the ongoing relentless disability called Pain.

On the move again!

We have been busy looking for another home to rent. It's been a nightmare. There aren't many homes to rent and when we apply, we are vying with about 20 other people for the same home.

Most days we have to go to look at these houses and as we are in the country, it is at least an hour's drive each day. I am exhausted.

So much exhaustion is hard to take, especially when it brings on a fibromyalgia flare. But as in lots of things in life, it just has to be done.

I think the most stressful part is actually securing a property to move in to. The actual move is not so bad, and this time we will be paying my grandson to help us move.

With the fifth wheel and tow vehicle sold, we are in a position to get someone to do the move for us and it's especially important with our failing health to enlist help this time.

We are going to miss the birdlife here for sure, but with us being in our 70's, we have decided that we need to be closer to family and hospitals if we have an emergency.

This house is old and has no insulation and is incredibly cold and it's our winter now. With the price of electricity going up on July first, we won't be able to afford the heating in our all electric dwelling.

We are feeling the cold and are looking forward to ducted heating again.

Today there's no house viewings as it's Saturday. I have used the time to catch up on washing and I have two slow cookers going with different meals in them.

I am contemplating using Prednisolone for a few days so that my neck and jaw pain (TMJ) abates. I don't know if it will help my muscle pain in my shoulder and upper pain, but it can't hurt.

Today is the first day for awhile that I have been able to post as my muscles feel like they're tearing. But I just wanted to touch base and tell you what's happening in our part of the world at the moment.

Next week is another day of house hunting and tonight I feel like I am running on a wing and a prayer- on the move again!