Morning Cuppas With Glenys

I'm happy to be an empty-nester

Whilst I do miss the "good ol days" when my children were young, I am so glad that it's over now. I don't think I could cope with it. Having an empty nest does have some advantages: our routine doesn't have to be as inflexible as when we had young ones to look after.

Meals are pretty impromptu affairs. We may plan to have such and such for dinner, but then decide either we aren't hungry or we may eat something like rice bubbles for dinner. Also, the meal hours are according to how we feel. And if I don't feel up to cooking, we will have a frozen dinner. We couldn't do that with young ones.

Bedtime hours are also more flexible as we go to bed when we feel like it. If I can't sleep it's no big deal to get up and make us a cup of tea and go back a few hours later. Waking up late is no problem either, neither are nana naps anymore. I take them as required.

I don't think I would make a good mother these days: Xena often wakes me up to feed her and I feel quite annoyed. I suppose it would be different if it were a child.

There's also a good reason for menopause: I think if I had a baby now I would forget where I had put it. And now with fibromyalgia fog, I know I would!

So even though I miss some aspects of my young mothering days, I am totally content with the flexibility empty nesting has now in my latter years. Besides, I couldn't stand being asleep while the teens get ready to go out. And forget about waiting up all night for them to get home safely.

No, sometimes I am mighty happy to be an empty-nester!

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1

Idealistic or faithful

I was rejoicing in my friend’s engagement. She was sharing her dreams of the future with me and showing me her hope chest. She was very much in love with her fiancé and had everything planned to perfection. We discussed her wedding plans, and our views and ideals on marriage itself. One of the questions that came up was if she would continue to work once the children came, and the appropriation of funds coming into the marriage.

I was delighted to hear that my friend intended to be a stay at home mother once the children were born. Prior to that, they were going to have his money and her money in separate accounts with her keeping a secret account for provision for herself in case of marital problems necessitating her setting up a home for herself and the children. I expressed my concern that she should see this as a necessary step when entering into marriage.

She responded with saying that one never knew what the future would hold and it was unrealistic to believe that just because she was married, there would be a guarantee of happiness. She intended to be prepared for any event that should arise.I told her that it was foolhardy to enter marriage- (a Christian marriage at that) with one eye on the altar and the other on the divorce court.

I commented that it seemed to me to be a failing of trust on her part and also that it was in fact laying a foundation of mistrust and deceit in her marriage right from the beginning. Her retort was that I was just being idealistic and that being left without financial security in the event of a marriage failure was not on her agenda. She could not see my point of view so I let it drop- God would have to deal with her heart. I felt saddened by her cynical attitude.

To enter marriage with the view that it may very well end in divorce is a tragic view and a distortion of the covenental view that Christ has for marriage. Marriage is to be built on trust. If there are problems, then they should be worked through. The marriage is already failed in the context of trust if one of the parties has a parachute to use to bail out with when or if the going gets tough. The area of trust has been compromised already by my friend keeping her account secret- she has allowed doubt and deceit to cloud her mind.

One cannot enter a covenant with lies and doubts and plans for self preservation instead of trust in God. Not in a Christian marriage.The whole concept of marriage is built on trust and accountability to each other. I do not think it is idealistic or unrealistic. I think it is a basic principle of marriage that cannot be compromised. Issues of doubt and fear should be ironed out long before the nuptials. For to be double-minded about your commitment in your marriage is to invite trouble and failure.

The heart of the faithful is strong- but where there is any weakness in either spouse’s commitment there will be not only lack of trust but lack of blessing.My prayer is that the LORD will speak to my friend’s heart and give her the commitment and confidence that are hers as she trusts Him and her husband to build and bless their marriage. But first she must let go of the parachute and show herself faithful. Happiness can come only through true commitment and faith.

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man [is] unstable in all his ways.” James 1:5-8

Mummy remembers you

On wings of love we'd have laid you down,

Wrapped moonbeams round your sides,

We'd dim the light of distant stars

And sing you lullabies.

We'd linger round your cradle

As we'd gaze at you in awe-

To us you'd be as angels

Too perfect for this world.

You must have dreamt of Heaven

For you decided not to stay,

The angels came and took you

As under my heart you lay.

Now Jesus gently rocks you

In His strong and gentle arms,

We know now, little angels,

You are safe from any harm…

Lord, lay them down in a cradle of gold,

Tuck rainbows round their sides,

Cover them with Your angels’ wings

And if they ever cry-

Tell them Mum and Dad are coming

Just as soon as they awake-

Please kiss our little angels, Lord

And love them in our place.

"Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 18:10

Remembering my twins, Sarah Robyn and Ruth Glenys Urbani, born sleeping November 12, 1969

Being gracious to ourselves

My friend and I were talking about things that make us feel guilty. Our conversation centred around sick family and our less than gracious treatment of them. Which we both now regret.

It made me think about the issue in a new light and gave us both some peace. Here is my reply to her:

Thank God He understands and doesn't judge us harshly. We both will have to pray that He takes away our guilty feelings. Until we both can forgive ourselves, we won't have any true peace. You have understood my guilt and I certainly understand yours. We should give ourselves grace. Sometimes we fail to be gracious to ourselves. Praying for you with love and understanding and knowing you will pray for me! (and remembering that sanctification is an ongoing process!) we are a work in progress!

We cannot undo what's done- what is passed is past. But we can let go of negative thoughts even about ourselves and purpose to do better.

If we have been convicted by the Holy Spirit and have confessed our sin, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sin. We must remember that self condemnation after forgiveness is from the evil one.

Knowing that these guilty feelings after repentance is an old pattern of thinking, we must bring our thoughts into the captivity of Christ.

Our sanctification is an ongoing process that doesn't stop until we are in Glory. As long as we are moving forward, we are doing well. We simply must be gracious to ourselves.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. Psalm 51:15

An unending story

It is said a mother will raise a child for 18 years or so. What is not told you is that with each child, a mother’s heart is fragmented and not only will she give that child a Life Story at birth, but she will also give it her heart forever. Throughout the rest of her life she will be her child’s biggest influence, inscribing values and skills in its Life’s Book.

Every Page of that child’s life will be scrutinized and lived through. Every word, every full-stop measured in feeding progress, weight gain, colic and diaper changes. Every sentence will be measured in her child holding up its head, smiling, grasping and focusing. Each early Chapter will read as accomplishments in teething, crawling, sitting unsupported, first words and walking.

Shortly, a mother will become an avid Reader of the Book of her child’s life and will pore through it with rapt attention. She will often re-read the previous Chapters, seeking reasons for the present Story unfolding in the most recent Page of her child’s sojourn through life. Quite often this will be a fruitless exercise as she cannot re-write the Chapters. However, she will certainly be able to enhance the outcome of future Chapters by passing on her foresight and life skills to her child.

As the Reader and not the Writer of this Book, the mother will find that she becomes absorbed in every Chapter as it unfolds. Often against her will, she will find that she lives every hurt and disappointment, every heart ache, every pain and illness as if it were her own Life’s Story. And often, being a loving mother, she will wish that the sad Chapter was her own and not her child’s….but she is only the Reader.

Every accomplishment, victory, honour or triumph will become personal as a mother reads and lives her child’s Story. Indeed many mothers will find kudos in their children’s unfolding Life Story, especially if that child is successful. However, successful or not, a mother will still remain a loyal and enthusiastic Reader.

It is not unheard of for a mother to question the Writer of this Book whilst at the same time yearning for the Writer’s direction. But try as she might to become the Writer, this is a Book that she cannot write. She can and should, enquire of the Writer for guidance but in doing so, she must accept that the Editor’s decision is final.

It is interesting to note that just as a mother thinks she may be coming to the end of this Read, that she will find there is a Sequel which is just as compelling as the original. This comes in the form of grandchildren. After one glance at the Prologue, she will find herself giving yet more of her heart as her mind relives the first chapter of her own child’s Life Story.

With shaking hands and teary eyes, she will scan the Page eagerly, knowing that she will be a reader of this new child’s Life Story for many chapters to come. And she will undoubtedly thank the Writer as she lovingly fingers the new Page.

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, [and to be] a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 113:9

Don't be afraid to train your children

The scriptures tell us to train up our child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) But how many of us are afraid or unwilling to train our children? We are afraid that we will lose our children's affections if we restrain them- we are afraid to be mothers!

Some of us don't train our children because we are too lazy- it is always easier to just let them go- it takes too much effort to harness them and direct them in the right direction. Some of us do a half-hearted training of our children- because they bug us, we make them toe the line! I suppose that is better than no training at all.

What are the consequences of us not training our children? At the very most rebellious young adults who have no respect for authority- yours or anyone else's. At the very least, young adults who cannot restrain themselves or their moods and who have no respect for property or other people's feelings. Definitely on both counts, we will have bred unhappy young adults.

A lot of mothers are so afraid of harming their children's psyche that they become the child's servant eventually, doting on them and spoiling them until they are insufferable to bear. Mothers, you cannot be your child's best buddy or friend. You have to train your child well and be a mother who is not afraid to enforce her God-given authority as Mother. Your children will respect you for it- they certainly won't respect you for trying to be their friend.

If we don't train our children well we are asking for rottenness to come into their character. A mother who trains and disciplines her children in a loving way will never lose her children's respect or love. Even from early childhood we intuitively know that Mother is our teacher and protector. We may not verbalise it as children but we all know we need a Mother's input in our formative years. However we train our children we can be assured that the results will reach into eternity.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

'Train up our child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

We are His friends.

Jesus called us His friends & told us what He was doing & where He was going & that He is coming again! We are special to Him and we are about to go to Him!

When you think about it, to have the Creator God call His creation "friends" is mindboggling! So dear are we to Him that He has included us in His circle of intimates.

Let's dwell on that whenever we feel down or irrelevant in the big universe. We are His friends!

Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knows not what his lord does: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. John 15:15

So let's not argue

I was having a heart to heart with a friend and as old friends do, confidences were shared. Talking over milestone events in our lives, I shared that I was pregnant to my fiance at 16.

My friend sniffed, and announced that she was a virgin at marriage. She was looking down her nose at me. And it duly got up it. Why? you may ask...

This same friend who was judging me for my premarital sexual relationship later on committed adultery against her husband who rightly avoided sleeping with her prior to their marriage. The stink of her hypocrisy rose in my nostrils and in my gall.

Likewise, my paternal grandmother who was pregnant at her marriage refused to come to mine because I was in the same delicate condition. Her hypocrisy also made me angry as well as sad.

We are so quick to judge and call each other out, when in fact we are guilty of transgressing God's law because we are all sinners. Christ was the only Man to walk the earth and not sin.

Premarital sex and adultery are both sin and each in its' own right was the reason why we needed a Saviour to bear that sin in our place. Each sin- every sin- necessitated Christ's sacrifice to redeem us.

Before we assume that we are more virtuous than another, we would do well to remember that our own sin led Christ to Calvary just as the sin of another did. There's none of us guiltless and sinless.

As we ponder or dismay at the sins of mankind, we would do well to remember that but by the grace of God, go I. Sin is sin. It all had to be cleansed by the precious Blood of Christ.

My sin- your sin is ugly. We all need to repent and accept God's grace and forgiveness and not judge. We have been redeemed, cleansed and set apart from whatever sin we committed. So let's not argue.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:7

Backslidden children: God gently leads them back.

As mothers and grandmothers, we often feel like failures when our children stop following the LORD and are backslidden. In spite of training our children and teaching them about the LORD, they seem to be departing from The Way and it can send us into a panic.

I can understand how you can feel a failure, but your children have to make certain decisions for themselves as they grow up. Walking the path of faith is a deeply personal daily choice. We cannot make them believe nor can we save them.

The five children I bought up (from ages 49-43 plus a grandchild now 29) have been brought up in the faith. My own children made a confession of faith when young and were all baptised by immersion. Two of them are now living for the LORD and two of them are backslidden but still consider themselves believers. My first grandchildren is agnostic, almost a believer.

All we can do in spite of outward appearances is keep praying for God to change them. We as loving mothers or grandmothers don't know what work God is doing in their heart. We know that the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, and we have to allow Him to do the work. Often trying to be the Holy Spirit just causes rebellion and hurt feelings and we just get in His way.

There was a stage I thought that none of them believed, but praise God, what was taught them from their youth has resurfaced. So I encourage you not to blame yourself either and to keep praying and believing that your prodigals or backsliders will walk in The Way. God often meets them in the wilderness and gently leads them back on the Straight Path..

The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him. Ezekiel 18:20

Sufficient unto the day

As a woman who suffers from chronic illness and pain through fibromyalgia, I often succumb to bouts of depression. I have a few tips on overcoming it.

First and foremost, start your day in prayer. Ask God for the strength to face the day and play worship music to lift your spirit.

Try to be in the moment and take one day at a time. That's all we can tackle otherwise, the sense of failure can be overwhelming. We aren't meant to take it on all at once.

If you try to just focus on the next task at hand and not dwell on the future, it will help your attitude to realise that you have accomplished something. It will then snowball as you progress through the day.

With chronic illness, I set myself just one or two daily goals that are achievable: for me it is wash the dishes and put away the clean clothes. I only focus on those goals that I know are achievable and if at the end of the day, they are done, then I feel a sense of accomplishment instead of defeat.

Nothing depresses me more than a feeling that I have achieved nothing all day. I don't worry that others may say "for goodness sake, it's only washing dishes..." for us in the throes of illness, be it mental or physical- it's a big deal. Delight yourself in small victories.

I find that in setting small goals it knocks the cloud of gloom off its perch and makes me hopeful that I will be able to rise above the depression. Give yourself a high five and see that any job you do is a step in the right direction. It still blesses your family and serves the LORD.

I think when we are depressed and/or in pain, the desire to go Home to the LORD is strong. After all, we are tired of living in a world of pain and we look forward to our redemption. But in saying that, we still have a work to do until that time.

As FlyLady says, baby steps. But just taking baby steps lead us out of our rut and it is that first baby step that will hasten our healing of depression and sense of failure.

Sufficient to the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:34

Just leaving this here

Most nights I don't remember my dreams unless they are nightmares. But last night I dreamt that the Rapture was imminent and I was approaching strangers, asking them if they knew Jesus as their Saviour.

It wasn't scary by any means, but I felt all the angst, as I desperately tried to present the Good News of salvation to people. The urgency was intense.

I woke up hyperventilating and took a trip to the bathroom. When I returned to bed, I was sure that I wouldn't dream about it again. But I did.

The second time was more urgent than the first time, and I was rapidly presenting the path of salvation to someone and was desperate that they be saved.

When I woke from the second dream, I prayed and asked the LORD what did all this mean and if it meant something that I needed to do, then let me know and I would do it.

It was no mistake that I got a link to a You Tube vlog of the imminence of the Rapture and all the prophecies that are being fulfilled daily now. Time is short.

I had my answer- and so, to whoever is sitting on the fence, get saved now. You do not want to spend eternity in hell and Jesus is the only way of salvation.

Because of the intensity and realism of the dream, I feel compelled to reach out and talk to you. You need to be saved because there isn't much time. Jesus is coming back for His church- the believers.

The world is going to be in a horrible state after this and you do not want to be left behind. God loves you- all of you who are still on the fence. I don't know you, but He does. He wants you to trust Him.

Whoever is sitting thinking about the future, know that the future is Hell if you are unsaved, but eternal life and joy in Christ for those who are saved-and you need to make a decision to trust Him and get saved now. The Age of Grace is nearly over.

Jesus knows who you are and you know where you stand in this matter. I have heeded my dream and done as I must. I'll just leave this here.

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: John 1:25

For such a time as this!

In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried out to my God...

The Lord is close to everyone who calls out to him, to all who call out to him sincerely. The Lord will rescue me from every evil action and will save me for his heavenly kingdom. Whenever I’m afraid, I put my trust in you — in God, whose word I praise.
I trust in God; I won’t be afraid. What can mere flesh do to me? God is indeed my salvation; I will trust and won't be afraid. It’s far better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust any human. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever.
God didn't give us a spirit that is timid but one that is powerful, loving, and self-controlled. Throw all your anxiety onto him, because he cares about you. This is why we can confidently say, The Lord is my helper, and I won’t be afraid. What can people do to me?

Those who know your name trust you because you have not abandoned any who seek you, Lord. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul...

He heard my voice from His temple and my cry came before Him even to His ears

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.

I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also"

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

"Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand"

“Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world to test those who dwell on the earth."

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him. Psalm 28:7

A compilation of scriptures for such a time as this by Glenys