Morning Cuppas With Glenys : Forgiveness

Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts

Heinous acts

heinous

/ˈheɪnəs,ˈhiːnəs/

adjective

(of a person or wrongful act, especially a crime) utterly odious or wicked.

"a battery of heinous crimes"

synonyms:

odious, wicked, evil, atrocious, monstrous, disgraceful,
abominable, detestable, contemptible, reprehensible, despicable,
horrible, horrific, horrifying, terrible, awful, abhorrent, loathsome, outrageous,
shocking, shameful, hateful, hideous, unspeakable, unpardonable, unforgivable,
inexcusable, execrable, ghastly, iniquitous, villainous, nefarious, beneath contempt, beyond the pale;

With the advent of the latest abortion law passed today in New York which allows abortion of a baby for any reason until its due date, and now allowing infanticide of a child up to 28 days after birth, I thought this word heinous described it to a tee.

To wilfully kill a child that is viable and days away from being full-term is murder, pure and simple. To kill it post birth is an abomination. I cannot fathom the depth of depravity of the carrier of the fetus- I refuse to call her a mother, that she could nurture the life within her only to terminate it just before it comes to see the light of day.

Not that the length of gestation matters because a person is a person from conception. But to feel that life within, to endure any hardship socially, physically or financially until the final hours of that pregnancy and then to kill that child beggars belief. I simply can't fathom it. The darkness of the mind of that "mother" is perplexing to me.

Furthermore, the very act of abortion at any stage not only brings death to the baby, but potential death to its carrier, and a very real grief in most women at some stage later in their lives. There is also an increased risk of breast cancer in women who have had abortions..At a late stage like the third trimester terminations, surely it would be better medically if the woman just gave birth and relinquished the baby?

Surely having endured a pregnancy with or without social or financial pressures and having felt the child's movements and steady growth, there would be some interest in the baby's future, and well being? Sufficient to birth it and give it up for adoption? There are so many people longing to have a baby or adopt one, but sadly there are not enough children given the chance of life to meet that need.

I am flummoxed to understand how medical people can inflict such violence on innocents. Human life to them must be so cheap! And as they hold a new family member in their own arms, I wonder if the faces of suffering children they have destroyed come to mind, and if so, does it not move them? I suspect not.

I know I am not alone in feeling sadness, anger and dismay at the destruction of so many babies, and I also know that it strikes at the heart of most people, both saved and unsaved. But I cry for how Father God must grieve for each lost child and for their lost "mothers", for a woman who can destroy her child on a whim is lost until or unless she repents and seeks God's forgiveness.

I truly am in despair for the world right now. It has sunk to an all time low as the fires of Moloch on which innocent children were sacrificed reach an all time high.

Let us all pray for this law to be repealed and for the saving of the innocents. Let us pray for women tempted to utilise these heinous laws that they are given a heart of flesh instead of stone. For make no mistake, this heinous law is a crime against humanity and God. Maranatha!

Thus saith the LORD that made thee, and formed thee from the womb, which will help thee; Isaiah 44: 2

No longer taken for granted

And so another week of being at home is upon us. The future is uncertain and looks a bit grim. However, there are some things surfacing out of this that are good.

There is a growing awareness of the value of living life intentionally. Because the Corona Virus is no respecter of age or gender and can be so easily acquired, there is a deeper awareness that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Life is not taken for granted any more.

Our families that live with us may get on our nerves during the isolation, but with it comes a bond or connection to each other as we brave this outbreak.

Social media and mobile phones have been great in bringing us closer in communication, but this isolation has created in most of us a longing for physical contact with those who do not live with us. There is nothing like a hug, and kiss or a hold of the hand.

There has been a greater appreciation of the first responders who truly risk their lives to keep us or our loved ones alive if they contract the virus. They are to be honoured above all others. No longer taken for granted: they are the epitomy of servanthood and sacrifice.

The chance to revive family ties or marriages is here with no work to keep us apart, and intimacy both in marriage and with the parenting relationship have the opportunity to thrive. The family is no longer taken for granted. Nor is love.

So much is changing, but as at Easter, traditional worship was replaced by streamed online services, and social distancing when at the chemist or supermarket are enforced: helping life retain some normalcy and stability.

Rona has forced the whole world to stop and reassess and has found us guilty. Guilty of believing life would just continue as it was and largely taken for granted.

There is so much negativity brought on by this virus, but one thing is positive from all of this: we will never again take our freedom, our worship, our family or our friends for granted.

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

Everlasting Prince of Peace

So many years ago, the earth saw a miracle that blessed humanity for all time...

The earth that saw Jesus' birth 33 years before, drank in the Blood that flowed freely.... freely running, freely given, freely pardoning, freely saving unto eternal life anyone who would only believe in Him.

The same earth that is Gods' footstool, trembled at the cross alongside the centurions and soldiers and those few of Christs' followers who remained or who watched from a distance....

Unable to withstand the magnitude of atonement and celestial grief, it swayed in its power, reeling as someone in shock...

And utter darkness covered the earth as it shook, highlighting the terror as God turned His Face away from His Son, unable to look upon the sin of mankind that His Son had taken upon Himself...

It violently heaved in the aftermath of a crucifixion that saw the greatest gift of redemption the earth would ever know, releasing resurrection power to many who had died and tore the Temple veil in two.

Then hastily the earth swallowed the body of Christ into its maw of hewn rock, as it had done to men since Abels' untimely death until this day.... yet no ashes to ashes or dust to dust: no decomposition...

And another Sabbath passed, not shrouded in joy and welcomed since the birth of the Jewish people, but bringing with it a desolate cloak of disbelief, shock and despair that threatened to engulf the little band of believers who had trembled at Christs' words... unaware that triumph was already His. And theirs.

Beneath, the earth reeled as Christ stripped Lucifers' hopes of victory against a God Who now presented Himself King of Kings and Everlasting God.- Light of Light, Holder of the Keys of the Kingdom, destroyer of death and sin.... and Lucifer and his minions trembled.

The earth marvelled at the intensity of the Power of Resurrection... molecules and atoms infused with Life, vibrant in a way it vaguely remembered at its birth so many aeons ago.... magnificent creative force, God breathed life and Power.... Pulse of God.

Was ever there a time like this as Creation remembered Diety's Touch, revelling in His Footprints as His pierced Feet swung from the burial ledge, and His Hands that held the weight of the world folded the shroud so hastily bound around His lifeless Body 3 days ago?...

An almost forgotten thrill caused the earth to shudder as the Power of Gods' angels rolled away the enormous stone that blocked the burial chamber....

And it sang in ecstasy as the Feet of its' Creator once again walked amongst men.... victorious King, conquering Saviour, merciful God, everlasting to everlasting Prince of Peace.....

"He is not here; he has risen!" Luke 24:6-7

A Kingdom not of this world

I was reflecting on the fact that Jesus came into the world and literally turned it upside down. He brought concepts to mankind that were totally foreign.

Forgiving someone not 7 times but 70 in one day if necessary and showing mercy instead of taking vengeance as in an eye for an eye and a life for a life.

Taught in Torah as God's Laws, Jesus showed a new way of living as God wanted, bringing a totally alien way of life to those bowed down by following all the Laws of Judaism.

Because Jesus lived as He saw His Father live, His life and actions caused Him to be alienated and hated by the religious teachers of the day, and he was an enigma to the ordinary people in the world around Him. He just didn't fit in.

Of course, loving your enemy, dining with tax-collectors, prostitutes and the like, won Him no points with the Pharisees.

Healing people on the Sabbath and turning over the money tables of the Temple merchants who extorted money from the poor who came to offer their sacrifice angered the religious.

As much as His popularity grew among those who He ministered to, it also angered the self-righteous who sought to silence Him. And it dawned on me, that we who follow Him would often face the same criticism and hatred.

We don't belong or fit in here. Because we who follow Him Who came and changed the world, we will be just as much mistrusted, envied, criticised and maybe even hated as He was.

Just as He said that His Kingdom was not of this world, this world is not for us as followers of Christ. It's just a fact that the more we shine with the love of Christ, the more misunderstood and vilified we will be.

This world is not our home either and we who name the Name of Christ must expect to be treated similarly. We won't fit in if His light is shining in our life.

I don't know why so many want to fit in to this sad sinful and fallen world. We are called to be set apart and I for one am glad that I am.

With all the beauty this world still has, it won't be anything compared to the beauty of Heaven and the wonderful mansion our Saviour has prepared for us.

The world can keep adoring the beautiful people and shunning the ones who do not fit in, because we have a Home to look forward to where we will not only fit in, but be welcomed and at peace in a Kingdom not of this world.

Jesus answered, My kingdom is not of this world: if my kingdom were of this world, then would my servants fight, that I should not be delivered to the Jews: but now is my kingdom not from hence, - John 18:36

Teardrop babies.

WARNING- POSSIBLE TRIGGER FOR THOSE WHO HAVE LOST A BABY:

Many years ago, my mother went to the hospital bleeding heavily during her 13th week of pregnancy. It was unclear on her admission if she had in fact lost the baby she had planned. She was laying in the cubicle awaiting results of the examination of her lost tissue to see if she had miscarried or not. It was in the days before ultrasound.

Eventually a nurse came in, winked conspiratorially at Mum and announced that it looked like she had miscarried. Her demeanour was like she was the bearer of good news and that Mum should be grateful that she was no longer pregnant. Mum just turned her face to the wall and cried.

As a young woman, I too had a loss of a much wanted pregnancy. At the time I conceived, I had to have an emergency surgery. I was so ill for so long after the anaesthetic that it dawned on me that it could be morning sickness. It was.

I prayed that I would not lose the baby but it was not to be. A few weeks after my morning sickness disappeared- and I was always morning sick the entire 9 months with my other babies- I started bleeding.

Eventually I lost my baby and Mum had advised me to keep any tissue I lost to show the doctor. I fetched out my lost tissue and found a little embryo, all curled up and just forming its eyes. I was devastated.

I showed the little one to my then husband, who sniffed and said what a silly looking little thing it was! Something inside me died and I went outside and wept for the baby who would join its stillborn twin sisters, Sarah and Ruth in God's nursery. I named it Leslie because that name would do for either gender.

Wiping my eyes, I thought about how precious these lives were and how sad most women feel when they never see the light. By far there are more women who grieve over the loss of a baby than who feel relieved or rejoice. I decided that I would call lost babies Teardrop Babies. For many would shed a tear over their loss.

No Teardrop Baby is lost to God and is known to Him and that brings me some comfort. All mothers of those babes will see them again if they know the Giver of Life. I believe that goes for aborted children as well. Many a woman who aborted a baby will suffer great anguish over that choice and if she repents, God will forgive her and show her His great mercy and grace.

No matter what people tell us about our lost Teardrop Baby being just a bunch of cells or tissue, we know that they were our potential son or daughter and we will grieve for them with many tears. Another reason I call lost babes Teardrop Babies.

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. Psalm 139:16

Chronic illness can't take these things from us

Chronic illness has the power to rob us of joy, movement and motivation and can place such a strain on us and our families that we actually grieve for the life we once had. Yet, it is limited in what it can take, and here are some things it cannot take from us...

It cannot take our salvation from us
It cannot take our love for God or His love for us,
It cannot take our honour, or respect or strength of character.
It cannot take our courage, our motivation or our hope...
It cannot take our honesty, our faithfulness to God and family,
It cannot take our robe of righteousness or God's Spirit within us.

Trying as it is, chronic illness cannot destroy our walk with Christ, or preclude us from serving God in prayer and kindness, even from our bed... It cannot rob us of seeking communion with God or lifting our arms in worship or raising our voices in song...even if we are just mouthing the words...

Chronic illness can take our joy at times, and perhaps our life, but only on the day and hour that Christ allows it. And the day it does take our all, chronic illness will be replaced with unimaginable joy as God gives us our robe of righteousness and our eternal reward... another thing that chronic illness can't take from us!

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulations, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Romans 8:35

On His young Shoulders

Luke 2:43 When they had finished the days, as they returned, the Boy Jesus lingered behind in Jerusalem. And Joseph and His mother did not know it;

Luke 2:44 but supposing Him to have been in the company, they went a day’s journey, and sought Him among their relatives and acquaintances.

Luke 2:45 So when they did not find Him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking Him.

Luke 2:46 Now so it was that after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions.

Luke 2:47 And all who heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers.

Luke 2:48 So when they saw Him, they were amazed; and His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You done this to us? Look, Your father and I have sought You anxiously.”

Luke 2:49 And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?”

Luke 2:50 But they did not understand the statement which He spoke to them.

We see here a 12 year old Child who is already aware that His Father is not Joseph, but God. A Child growing in stature and wisdom and grace- one who has more wisdom for spiritual matters than the Jewish teachers of the Law.

Seeing the response of the Child to His Mother, there can be no doubt that He knew even then that He was the Suffering Servant and the Passover Lamb. Yet He never wavered from that path.

Let us give thanks that this Child- the Son of God, chose to obey and honour His Father so that we too may call Him our Father!

If you do not know Jesus as your LORD and Saviour, now would be a good time to do it. Read this link and don't waste His sacrifice, for when He died, He had you on His mind.

Let us all not waste a minute longer living in sin and fear for the Age of Grace is almost over and the darkness of the anti Christ is about to begin for those who do not believe. Christ is coming for His Bride, the Church. Be among those of us who believe and live with Christ forever.

Let us all believe on Him and love the little Boy, Who took away the sins of the world- at 33 in His Body and with being only 12, the weight of that knowledge on His young Shoulders!

Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house. Acts 16:31

So let's not argue

I was having a heart to heart with a friend and as old friends do, confidences were shared. Talking over milestone events in our lives, I shared that I was pregnant to my fiance at 16.

My friend sniffed, and announced that she was a virgin at marriage. She was looking down her nose at me. And it duly got up it. Why? you may ask...

This same friend who was judging me for my premarital sexual relationship later on committed adultery against her husband who rightly avoided sleeping with her prior to their marriage. The stink of her hypocrisy rose in my nostrils and in my gall.

Likewise, my paternal grandmother who was pregnant at her marriage refused to come to mine because I was in the same delicate condition. Her hypocrisy also made me angry as well as sad.

We are so quick to judge and call each other out, when in fact we are guilty of transgressing God's law because we are all sinners. Christ was the only Man to walk the earth and not sin.

Premarital sex and adultery are both sin and each in its' own right was the reason why we needed a Saviour to bear that sin in our place. Each sin- every sin- necessitated Christ's sacrifice to redeem us.

Before we assume that we are more virtuous than another, we would do well to remember that our own sin led Christ to Calvary just as the sin of another did. There's none of us guiltless and sinless.

As we ponder or dismay at the sins of mankind, we would do well to remember that but by the grace of God, go I. Sin is sin. It all had to be cleansed by the precious Blood of Christ.

My sin- your sin is ugly. We all need to repent and accept God's grace and forgiveness and not judge. We have been redeemed, cleansed and set apart from whatever sin we committed. So let's not argue.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:7

Change often takes time

Just because you are still overcoming your sin doesn't mean you are in sin... you have repented and are forgiven and striving to overcome sin.

For example, I am trying to overcome overeating and I want to lose weight not only for my health, but to please God and serve Him better than I do now, dragging 100lbs of extra weight around.

Gluttony is a sin, and I have repented of overeating, especially comfort foods when I am upset. Now, I go straight to the LORD when I am upset, instead of eating. But even though my spirit has come into submission and I am living right, my body is proving rebellious and slow to come into line.

Does that mean that I am still a glutton? NO. I am just experiencing the depth of slow metabolism coupled with illness and inability to move much to burn off calories. In God's sight, I no longer am a glutton nor someone that gluttony has mastered. I have mastered it, but it is a spiritual battle wherein the physical still has to submit.

Change can take time and is subject to many influencing factors. For example, in changing a house hold routine and disciplining yourself to do more housework, you may have many outside distractions- most unavoidable but necessary, that chip into your plans and time table. Or you may become ill. But if you persist and work toward change, eventually you will succeed.

Old habits sometimes take time to change, but they can change! It is not immediately obvious either. Take trying to stop using unsavoury language. Years of using certain words never bothered you, but God has convicted you about your speech and you have repented and responded.

Suddenly, one of those expletives bursts forth and you find yourself discouraged. But take heart and don't give up on your resolve. It is like a path in a field. By walking in the same place over and over, you find it has become a path and is easier to walk. So it is with changing bad habits and being victorious over any sin. You will overcome in time.

Change can take time and calls for patience. Take planting some fruit trees for instance...you may not see any fruit on your tree, but there is still change and growth. Eventually if you persist in your desire and efforts to change, you will see buds of growth. Eventually there will be fruitful blossoms and then there will be fruit! Continue in your path of change and don't let yourself become discouraged!

I believe a person can change in a grand way if she or he so wishes. With repentance, the right attitude and prayer, we can do it! But remember, change often takes time.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:7

Drowning in fear?

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16 Click here to become a Christian

A marriage made in Heaven

So today is our 23rd wedding anniversary. I am so pleased to tell you that in spite of it being a bumpy ride sometimes owing to family illnesses and drama, we are still very much in love- and grateful to the LORD.

We both believe God brought us together, and it is no coincidence that two weeks after we both prayed for a partner, we met.

I had been living alone for three years after divorcing my violent ex-husband and for the last few months before meeting Chris, I had gone out with a girlfriend I met at Business College. It was easier for us both to go out together, rather than a woman by herself.

Longing for a husband, I remember praying to God and asking Him to find a mate for me. I was feeling desperately alone and I wore that loneliness like a cloak of gloom over my shoulders. In this prayer, I asked God to help me enjoy my life if it was His will that I remain single.

Rising up from my knees, I felt a sense of hope and purpose, and although the prayer was just uttered, I felt happier and more content. Anyway, back to my friend.

This friend was very hospitable and we often shared a meal at each other's home. She had car problems, and as Chris had been an Automobile Association Road Patrolman in England, and a Royal Automobile Club Victoria Road Patrolman here in Australia, she thought she would ask him to come have a look at it and stay for dinner.

She asked me if I minded if Chris came for dinner, and as I had decided to make more friends and enjoy my singleness, I said that was fine and thought nothing more about it until that evening.

So when I arrived for dinner, Chris was already there and he was seated in the kitchen. I know it is cliche, but it was love at first sight. We were engaged in 2 months and married a year later.

To this day, Chris insists it was a set up, but I can honestly say it wasn't an earthly setup, but we believe it was a heavenly appointment.

As it turned out, Chris came home from work and was feeling alone and despondent. He too wanted a wife- someone to love him, and he prayed. His prayer was almost identical to mine and we worked out it was at about the same time!

Such was the chemistry between us that our courtship and engagement was a whirlwind romance! We knew it was the LORD'S doing.

From day one, I have been at Chris's side, working as his jockey in his Courier business. We got to know each other very well and have literally been inseparable.

We were married in the Melbourne Registry Office 27th June 1998, and renewed our vows with pastors three years ago after my ex-husband passed. This was to include the LORD officially in our marriage as the Registry Office wedding was very quick and clinical.

We did not get to recite our own vows or include the LORD which was a disappointment to us. So we made it right, even though we lived out our marriage with Him included from day one.

So today we both reflect on the rapidity of those 24 years since we met and our 23 years of marriage, and we see the LORD'S Hand in it. We have weathered many a storm, yet the good ship Hicks is still very much afloat.

God has healed us of past hurts in our first marriages: I have learned that there are good kind men in the world and Chris has learned that there are women who love their husbands and are faithful to their vows.

With grateful hearts, we bless and thank the LORD for His goodness and compassion to us in giving us a marriage made in Heaven.

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

Sometimes you just have to move to another beach

So, I was just sitting having a cuppa, thinking about previous years, mulling over my life. It seems that when you are nearing 70 that you have the time and length of years to do so.

My beloved husband, Chris has just turned 71, and I was reflecting on our 23 years of marriage and I was quietly thanking the LORD for him.

As often happens, my mind reflected on the different ways this marriage has blessed me, and it suddenly dawned on me that the reason for my divorce was not that I was a bad wife to my ex-husband.

You probably already know that I had a very violent 25 year marriage and it resulted in such trauma and loss of self esteem and confidence, that I seriously thought I would remain single for life.

Then three years after I left my ex-husband, I met Chris. He is an answer to prayer, and he tells me I am to him. A year later, we married. It is so very different from the first marriage, but I am basically the same type of wife to Chris. And he loves me.

I wondered why I was so detested and disrespected by my ex-husband, especially as my behaviour was loving and respectful to him. I prayed constantly for him, went to marriage counselling at church by myself, and believed that one day he would love me and not take his anger out on me. Yet, no matter how much I tried to please him in all things, he never was happy.

Truly, I think over the years, I wore more food than he ate, and cooking for him was nerve wracking. Yet Chris finds my cooking good and never complains. So it wasn't that.

Often I would try to find out how I could please my ex-husband and he would never tell me what was wrong. He would tell me how awful a personality I had and that I had to change, and when I asked him what specifically annoyed him for me to change and ask forgiveness for, he wouldn't give me an answer.

This not only led to anxiety/panic attacks, but seriously eroded any modicum of confidence I had after my traumatic childhood.

Such was my morbid introspection, that I ended up unable to eat and eventually unable to stop shaking. I spent a day in a psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with extreme stress/anxiety and advised to leave my errant husband.

After years of telling me I was crazy whenever I reacted to his abuse and punches, he had the gall to demand I come home as I wasn't crazy and didn't need hospitalisation. I was discharged into my GP's care and left my ex-husband after another 7 years of trying to win him over and have a happy marriage.

The night before I left, I told him how unhappy I was. I also asked him to go to marriage counselling with me or I would be leaving in the morning. He told me he wasn't going because he had done nothing wrong and it was all my fault that he hated me. He said I could divorce him but he wasn't going to pay for it. I did.

That morning after he went to work, I filled two garbage bags with my clothes and baby albums and Bible, and left. I was shattered and heart-broken that he wouldn't take any responsibility and when that happens, it is pretty certain that their heart is no longer in staying married.

I went to business college and later got a job, a nice home and some confidence. But the trauma and head messing left me empty, and sad that I had invested 25 long years in a marriage where I was never loved or even wanted. It left me afraid that he would be proven correct in that I would live alone forever, without even knowing what was wrong with me. It also left me with PTSD.

With a very happy marriage of 23 years this coming Sunday, my conclusions are that no matter how much you try to appease an abuser, no matter how much you turn yourself inside out for answers to improve yourself, no matter how you look, or talk, or cook, or save, or mother, or clean or love, you will never do enough to please them. And you can't ever please them because they don't want to be placated.

Sadly, sometimes to save yourself, you just have to pick up your beach umbrella, shake off the sand, and move to another beach.

He delivers me from my enemies.You also lift me up above those who rise against me; You have delivered me from the violent man. Psalm 18:48

His outstretched Hand

I have spoken to many people over the years about Christ and becoming a Christian and it never ceases to amaze me how the evil one has made them so fearful. They give the strangest reasons for not accepting Jesus and surprisingly, it's nothing to do with disbelief in Him.

They tell me that they don't want to change and they embark on a tirade about not needing to go to church amongst all the "hypocrites" or they share that they worry that they will lose their friends and/or family if they become Christian...

It's all about them, not Him. It's fear of loss. Of self. Of sinful lifestyles. Of family. Yet God still holds out His Hand to them. Christ offers His love, His protection, His joy and His peace, and stands as a rejected Lover of their souls, yet He continues to woo them...

I don't understand the logic of people who obviously are afraid, to not accept a loving God Who not only wants to help them here, but offers them eternal life with Him... but I don't give up on them- I keep praying for them.

As long as Christ stands with His Hand outstretched, there is hope. My hope is that they accept Him before it is too late. And only God knows when that time has come...

But we preached Christ crucified, a stumbling block to the Jews, and to the Greeks foolishness, 1 Corinthians 1:23

I am who He says I am

Born in to a troubled home of alcoholics, and subjugated by a bitter mother, I married young at 16 and pregnant.

Sure that I had finally found someone to love me, the ink hadn't yet dried on the wedding certificate before the abuse started.

After 25 years of it, and afraid that it would end in my demise, I divorced my husband, even though I felt guilty about doing so.

The aftermath of an unhappy childhood and marriage that assured me that I was of little worth, stayed with me until four years later when I met and married Chris.

Being loved gave me a fresh outlook on myself and I gradually blossomed and as I bloomed in that love, I felt closer to the LORD than ever before.

It was a new experience as I had been through years of self-condemnation. I could forgive anyone anything- (forgiving even my ex-husband's abuse), but I found it difficult to forgive myself. I just didn't feel worthy of God's love.

Finally, I had to concede that God's view of me through what Jesus's Blood accomplished is the true me! His grace is greater than my sin and I was forgiven.

If God calls me clean, who am I to disagree? Either His Word is perfect and I cling to that, or I am calling His judgment into question.

I am so grateful for Chris coming into my life and opening the door to self-love. But even more gratitude goes to my Heavenly Father Who told me that I am who He says I am...

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

The stuff dreams are made of

With all that's happening at the moment with the Covid, the events worldwide sometimes make me think I am dreaming and will soon wake up.

But of course I don't wake up because it's real and the world is still coping with stopping Rona spreading further. The dream is more like a nightmare.

I am finding the state of lockdown, infection control and data regarding new cases and deaths, surreal. It's like something one would expect at the end of the world. Pandemic. Fear. Death. Confusion.

With a start, I realise that this may not be the end of the world, but it is prophetic. Pandemics and wars, people growing cold and heartless and thinking just of themselves are indeed prophesised as the beginning of the birth pains.

Birth pains that will grip humanity and shake the world before the coming of the LORD and His Saints for the judgment of unrepentant sinners.

All scripture points towards Jesus receiving His Bride- the Church of believers soon. It's the blessed hope we are told to await eagerly.

Now is the time to be awake- the Rapture is by all accounts, imminent. Jesus is coming for us soon.

And as we look around and see the beginning of the birth pains, we can see that staying here is not so attractive: that would be a nightmare for real.

But looking up and waiting for Jesus to come for us is the end of that awful dream for us as believers: we are not appointed for the wrath of God.

A heavenly mansion awaits us with eternity spent with our LORD. His Word is our promise. The believer's future is bright and full of hope and is the stuff dreams are made of.

Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. John 14:1-2

Kindness is crucial for a happy life

I read a statement today that said, "I don't want to be a part of a world where being kind is a weakness!" I have found in my life that people equate kindness with weakness and nothing can be further from the truth. Sometimes being kind to someone is an internal battle that strives with the urge to treat that person as we have been treated: unkindly.

Kindness is an attribute of God and is a fruit of the Spirit, and as such, is highly regarded by Him. Being kind is something we should all aspire to be as Christians. And it often requires being strong in spirit. It means being forgiving. Loving. Selfless. Sacrificial. It includes purity of heart, mind and speech. It imparts grace.

The King James Bible speaks of kindness 43 times, and from that one can see the importance of being kind in all its' aspects. Many verses exhort us to be kind and they extol kindness's virtues.

CHOOSE TO BE KIND EVEN IF THAT PERSON IS NOT WORTHY OF IT because that is what God has done for us all: saved and unsaved. That takes strength and prayer. Be kind. Because a world without kindness is a world none of us would really want to live in, for it is crucial for a happy life...

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:12

Thank You, God for forgiving me!

My mother died of dementia two years ago. My brother lived with her all his life, so when she became ill, he became her carer.

Just before it finally became necessary for her to go into a nursing home, my brother had a severe heart attack and so Mum came to stay with us while he was in hospital.

I remember this chapter of my life so well, and it is a shameful time for me and one I regret. Forgiven, yes, but I can't forget the way I treated her during that week.

We had just moved into a new rented home and we were extremely stressed. Mum was missing my brother and was concerned about him. Every five minutes she would ask if I would ring the hospital and enquire about him. I would tell her that we already rang and they said he was resting comfortably after having a stent put in.

I reassured Mum that as soon as he was allowed visitors, we would take her to visit him.Which we did. But still she fretted and wanted to go see him. After a while, it got very wearying.

The room where Mum was staying in had a holland blind that had chains for putting up or down, and when I took a cup of tea into her, I noticed the blind edge at the bottom had been pulled off.

Not even unpacked yet, I was upset that already we had damaged a new house. I realised that Mum had pulled it down instead of using the chain tracking. When I asked her if she had done it, she declared it wasn't her- it just broke. She was like a little child found with her hand in the cookie jar. To my shame, I was less than gracious to her.

She was on medication for a urinary tract infection and half an hour after I gave her her tablets, she said she felt nauseous. I quickly ran to the laundry and grabbed a bucket for her, but she shouted at me that she was not going to use that... and promptly started gagging.

I quickly guided her to the nearby toilet and lifted the seat up for her, but she refused to vomit into the toilet and in fact swung her head from side to side, projectile vomiting all over the walls and floor.

It was all so unnecessary, and as I cleaned her up and then cleaned up the toilet, I did so in a bad humour. I asked her how hard was it to use the bucket I had brought to her and pointed out the awful mess that I had to clean... and as my fibromyalgia was bad and my spoons scarce, I was very ticked off with her and having to clean it up.

Mum hung her head, and said quietly, "Well I used to clean up after you!" It brought me undone. I cried and held her and told her I loved her. It was a good hour before I could stop crying as I saw Mum as she was- a woman in a child's body, scared of what was happening to her and scared of me!

Later, we were at the table and I was trying to coax Mum to eat. She was a stubborn woman with a will of iron, and as I cut her bread and butter up to make egg soldiers, I realised that she was losing her battle fast. Her body no longer knew how to eat. The long goodbye was getting shorter. She was dying!

I cried before the LORD when I was in the bathroom, torn between grief and guilt for losing my temper with Mum. I had never done that before or since, but I stayed there until I felt calm again and purposed to be kinder to her.

Fortunately for Mum, she had forgotten that I had been cross and happily did a tour of inspection of the new house, holding my hand in case she got lost. She didn't know how to get back to her room or kitchen.

Although Mum had forgotten about it, I hadn't and to this day, I still feel ashamed of my lack of patience. I know God has forgiven me, and graciously arranged that when she passed, she was holding my hand and peaceful. It was healing for me and good for her.

Even so, there are times when I am grieving for her that I wish I could live that day again. I would be much nicer and kinder. Thank You, God for forgiving me!

Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. Psalm 71:9