Letter to a feminist


Dear Sister, 

This letter is a difficult one to write, for it is not intended that you should be left with the impression that I write out of spite or hatred to you. Although there is sadness and some anger that so many women have been deceived by feminism, there is also compassion and a degree of understanding.

You see, ever since time began and our sister Eve was deceived by the serpent and ate of the forbidden fruit- a fruit which God Himself had told her and her husband, Adam not to eat, she has handed down to us the desire to rule and control. Not content that God Himself has decreed that women shall bear children in pain yet crave the affection of our husbands, she and all her fellow feminist sisters have sought to not only control their own God-given role as women but have sought to deceive and usurp men. For Eve knew full well that she was sinning when she beguiled Adam to partake of the fruit too- and he, so infatuated by her womanly ways, willingly partook also and bore his punishment as well. In sweat, he would toil in the earth all his days to eat from the ground which bore thistles, until he died and returned unto the dust from which he was formed.

Sin and death entered into the human equation for the first time. Yet God in His compassion, clothed this couple with animal skins and did not separate them- for it was He Himself Who said that it was not good for the man to be alone. Together, they fled the Garden of Eden wherein was the Tree of Life, lest they should eat of that and live forever. Yet God blessed them. What greater blessing could there be for a couple than to have a child born of their own loins? And so with the birth of Cain, the first baby on earth, began the natural cycle of companionship and intimate marriage producing children who produced children of their own to carry on the genes of their parents and grandparents- yet all destined to return to dust from which we came.

As women, there has been suffering. We know the pains of womanhood, the broken heart of romance, the joy-and pain of marriage and bearing and raising children. Yet in the main, womankind has not only accepted this as her purpose in life but as her God-given right. Indeed, most of us would not wish to tamper with it.

It is a wise woman who accepts the role in creation that God has ordained for her. It is natural for us to fall in love, become engaged, marry and bear and raise children. We thrive on making a happy home and marriage and count it all joy by and large. Our fulfillment comes in being helpmeets to our husbands, mothers to our children, and homemakers. Because we have accepted our role as a partner in God’s creation, we do not see the need to compete with men nor do we try to usurp their authority. We see the value of godly submission and enjoy the boundaries that God has appointed for us in our given tasks as wife and mother.

Our fulfillment does not come from a personal bank account, freedom from male ‘domination’, childlessness by choice and an aversion to all things matrimonial and domestic. We do not see children as an occupational hazard of being a wife but a blessing from the LORD. Nor do we sacrifice our children to abortion on the altar of job promotions, freedom of choice/fertility, ambition, prestige and competitiveness with men. Rather, we welcome our God ordained role as women, for in that we can find true freedom.

Freedom that allows us to be gentle, kind, nurturing and domestic. Freedom that rejoices in cooking, cleaning, birth and the marital bed. We do not see our husbands as beasts who exploit us for their personal pleasure, but we delight in their affection and embrace.

Our freedom comes in the keeping of our homes and in the provision of our husbands. In freedom and lack of fear we bring forth our children and we raise them with the love and authority of their fathers. In freedom, we express our concerns and fears to our husbands and in that same freedom we give opinions and insight. The freedom of godly femininity allows us to be equal and not inferior to our husbands. That freedom liberates us from the need to be aggressive, masculine, dictatorial and harsh women. For our freedom in God allows us to be uniquely suited to our husband. There is no need to strive to compete or usurp the authority of men. For a godly woman is of great value.

I can understand a feminist’s view to a point- she has not seen the blessing of femininity or the beauty and challenge of marriage, motherhood and servant hood. She is to be pitied for she has brought upon herself the misery of usurping the God-given natural order by refusing to be a partner in God’s plan of creation. God can open your eyes, dear Sister and He can release you into His wonderful plan of godly womanhood.

There is freedom in His ways. There is peace and fulfillment. God will not force His Will in your life, but He will give you joy unimaginable if you repent and become the woman He created you to be. He has a wonderful purpose for your life- if you will accept it. The struggle can end with your choice to be a true woman and complete not compete with men. God’s Word is very clear on this- His Word is true and good. Will you not reconsider and come home? You will be so glad you made that choice for there you will find the freedom you so desire.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

From Genesis 2-5

The cat among the pigeons


We are currently living in a caravan park for long term residents. Most of the people who live here are down and out and unsaved. Life has been far from kind to them, and most are living on low incomes or pensions.

Not sure how long we will be here, we are slowly getting to know the people dwelling in mobile homes and caravans alongside us in our RV. To say that most are a little rough is an understatement.

Chris and I have had many conversations about how to handle the foul language and so on without alienating them. We do want to live peacefully here while Chris recovers from his surgeries and we catch our breath. We are both very tired. 

Now, even though these people are rough, we have had them over for tea and a chat and, as to be expected, the language can get pretty salty. The F word is a particular favourite one and it is dropped with no regard to a lady being present. 

We are letting it go because making an issue of language which they are used to, would have us ostracised, so we are not taking it on board. After all, how can we witness to them and give them hope if we come across as "holier than thou"?  How would they have the ability to ask us for a reason of the hope within us if we came across as prideful? 

To be honest, colourful language generally doesn't faze me. After all, it is just a lack of proper English expression, but when they blaspheme, it really gets to me. And blasphemy is as common as dropping the F word here.

They know we are Christians and they can see the picture of Jesus in our living area. It is no secret. Yet, as is common with unsaved people, taking the LORD'S Name in vain is still engaged in, and we think perhaps it is even more so than normally. We let it go.

"Why do you let it go?" you ask? Because God knows our heart. He knows how we esteem His Name and He knows that we believe that He has placed us here to be a light in a dark place. We are living in a place of no hope. Of poverty. Of unbelief. And like Jesus, we associate with these poor folk who are no different to us, except they don't know Jesus yet.

Speaking of salvation, we have discussed that we believe we are to show God's love to these people, live out our faith in a way that is not prideful, and help minister to and show respect for these folk. That is our priority.

We are sinners saved by grace. We are not the Holy Spirit. His work is to convict and woo these people- all the unsaved, not just those who live alongside us. Ours is to live out our life with authenticity so that it makes the love of God manifest to them.

Each time someone takes His Name in vain, I have to bite my tongue and keep silent. It takes a lot of prayer and quite a lot of strength. Some days it feels like they do it to get a rise from us, knowing that we are Christian. But love and acceptance will win out if it is God's Will that someone will come to know Christ through our witness.

Meanwhile, I simply bite my tongue, put the kettle on and offer a cuppa to what seems to us to be the cat among the pigeons.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; 1 Peter 3:15

Chief among ten thousand



It is a medical fact that our brain is our greatest sexual organ. Desire starts there. When the body is tired and intimacy seems like one more ‘chore’ before blessed sleep, I have found that it helps to dwell on what made you fall in love with your husband in the first place.

Bring to mind all the little things he said or did that spoke to you in your early days together. Remember how he looked, how he smelt..his aftershave, even his sweat and the smoothness of his skin, his eyes, his voice. Remember too the intimate moments you shared in the past and let them intoxicate you again with rekindled love for your man. Cultivate a thankful heart for being his wife and look forward to celebrating that oneness in the beauty of the marital bed. True intimacy is not what is shown in pornography. Under no circumstances focus on other people’s intimacy…you want to foster desire for your own husband’s embrace.

As you dwell on your husband’s desirability, more often than not, your mind will start pining for his embrace. This god-given desire usually is stronger than tiredness. The Shulamite in the Song of Songs fantasised about her husband’s body and eagerly looked forward to his lovemaking..there certainly is a place for fantasising about intimacy with your husband. I find that by thinking of all the wonderful things about my spouse, and dwelling on them, that I can overcome chronic fatigue (through illness) and eagerly await intimacy with him.

I believe that this is a great way to help overcome fatigue and lack of desire without sinning.. Take a look at the Song of Solomon and rekindle the flame

 © Glenys Robyn Hicks

My beloved [is] white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. Song of Solomon 5:10

Preparing for the Big Day!


Have you ever stopped to think about how most of us prepare for marriage and childbirth and then once that is accomplished, we fall by the roadside? How many websites, magazines, articles, CD’s etc are there dedicated to these subjects? We are prepared for the BIG DAY: the wedding day, the delivery day- yet how many of us find a sense of disillusionment in life after the BIG DAY has been? We are simply- unprepared!

It is not that preparing for one’s wedding day or impending birth of a child is wrong in itself, but to focus all one’s attention on the BIG DAY and lose focus on the YEARS thereafter is foolhardy. After all, a marriage comes after a wedding and a lifetime of parenting comes after a birth. The years after the BIG DAY is where the rubber meets the road..

So many women put all their attention on their wedding- the preparations, the drama, the dreaming, the romance and the culmination of years of planning and rehearsing in her head. But once married, how many are prepared for the hard work of tending and nurturing that marriage. For marriage is hard work at times and we would be foolish to think otherwise.

Let’s be honest: how many of us have taken the time to study about marriage as the institution it is- not the romanticised notion but the reality? Often if we have not prepared and studied not only the scriptures on marriage but studied and observed our husbands- we will find ourselves being bogged down by feelings of disillusionment and disenchantment.

Likewise, how many of us expectant mothers haven’t bothered to read up on childbirth, practiced all the exercises and relaxation tips for labour, eaten well and obsessed about ours and our child’s health? But how many of us have read up on child-raising, education, and marital adjustment and so forth for the years of parenting ahead? It is very short-sighted to place all one’s attention on the delivery of a child to the neglect of acquiring knowledge about the raising of that child. After all, childbirth is a day, parenthood is for life!

We must equip ourselves and our daughters to be the best wives (not brides), the best mothers (not labouring women), so that they will be well prepared to cope with the reality of life. When the rubber meets the road and they find that their BIG DAYS are followed by years of hard work and effort, they will be women of strength, fortitude and confidence- and they will be wonderful wives and mothers.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"Wisdom resteth in the heart of him that hath understanding: but [that which is] in the midst of fools is made known" Proverbs 14:33

We don't want to live without it!



I read a statement today that said, "I don't want to be a part of a world where being kind is a weakness!" I have found in my life that people equate kindness with weakness and nothing can be further from the truth. Sometimes being kind to someone is an internal battle that strives with the urge to treat that person as we have been treated: unkindly. 

Kindness is an attribute of God and is a fruit of the Spirit, and as such, is highly regarded by Him. Being kind is something we should all aspire to be as Christians. And it often requires being strong in spirit. It means being forgiving. Loving. Selfless. Sacrificial. It includes purity of heart, mind and speech. It imparts grace. 

The King James Bible speaks of kindness 43 times, and from that one can see the importance of being kind in all its' aspects. Many verses exhort us to be kind and they extol kindness's virtues. 

CHOOSE TO BE KIND EVEN IF THAT PERSON IS NOT WORTHY OF IT because that is what God has done for us all: saved and unsaved. That takes strength and prayer. Be kind. Because a world without kindness is a world none of us would really want to live in.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks    

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;  Colossians 3:12

Is interracial marriage scriptural?

It is sad that there is world-wide prejudice amongst people of different race. White people are prejudiced about coloured people and vice versa. As Christians, this shouldn’t be for Christ died for all men. John 12:32 ‘and I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.’ Romans 14:11 For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God." Yet despite this, we still have Christians who are prejudiced against people of different race or colour.

Often Christians ask if inter-racial marriage is scriptural. I believe it is, but let's actually see what the Word says....

The case for the Ethiopian (black) woman in Numbers 12:1-10

And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman. And they said, Hath the LORD indeed spoken only by Moses? hath he not spoken also by us? And the LORD heard [it].

(Now the man Moses [was] very meek, above all the men which [were] upon the face of the earth.) And the LORD spake suddenly unto Moses, and unto Aaron, and unto Miriam, Come out ye three unto the tabernacle of the congregation. And they three came out.

And the LORD came down in the pillar of the cloud, and stood [in] the door of the tabernacle, and called Aaron and Miriam: and they both came forth.

And he said, Hear now my words: If there be a prophet among you, [I] the LORD will make myself known unto him in a vision, [and] will speak unto him in a dream.

My servant Moses [is] not so, who [is] faithful in all mine house.

With him will I speak mouth to mouth, even apparently, and not in dark speeches; and the similitude of the LORD shall he behold: wherefore then were ye not afraid to speak against my servant Moses? And the anger of the LORD was kindled against them; and he departed.

And the cloud departed from off the tabernacle; and, behold, Miriam [became] leprous, [white] as snow: and Aaron looked upon Miriam, and, behold, [she was] leprous.

Here we see that the LORD was angry because of the way Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses marrying a black woman. If Miriam was made a leper because of Gods' displeasure in her speaking against an innocent man then we can see that God has no qualms about inter-racial marriage. Obviously, God did not even hint that Moses had sinned by marrying an Ethiopian woman.

The Bible never classes a coloured person as a second rate person as we see in this beautiful story of the Spirit causing Philip to evangelise an Ethiopian (black) eunuch. And then we see his subsequent salvation and baptism. Acts 8:26 And the angel of the Lord spake unto Philip, saying, Arise, and go toward the south unto the way that goeth down from Jerusalem unto Gaza, which is desert. And he arose and went: and, behold, a man of Ethiopia, an eunuch of great authority under Candace queen of the Ethiopians, who had the charge of all her treasure, and had come to Jerusalem for to worship, Was returning, and sitting in his chariot read Esaias the prophet.

Then the Spirit said unto Philip, Go near, and join thyself to this chariot. And Philip ran thither to [him], and heard him read the prophet Esaias, and said, Understandest thou what thou readest? And he said, How can I, except some man should guide me? And he desired Philip that he would come up and sit with him. The place of the scripture which he read was this, He was led as a sheep to the slaughter; and like a lamb dumb before his shearer, so opened he not his mouth: In his humiliation his judgment was taken away: and who shall declare his generation? for his life is taken from the earth. And the eunuch answered Philip, and said, I pray thee, of whom speaketh the man of himself, or of some other man? Then Philip opened his mouth, and began at the same scripture, and preached unto him Jesus. 

And as they went on [their] way, they came unto a certain water: and the eunuch said, See, [here is] water; what doth hinder me to be baptized? And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. And he commanded the chariot to stand still: and they went down both into the water, both Philip and the eunuch; and he baptized him. And when they were come up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord caught away Philip, that the eunuch saw him no more: and he went on his way rejoicing.

So even though man makes distinctions, God sees people as people regardless of their race.

Nowhere in scripture do we see God telling us not to marry if our intended spouse is of another ethnic or racial persuasion to us....He does tell us repeatedly that we are only to marry another Christian.... and I see that as irregardless of colour or race...

There may be a few more difficulties with handling the prejudices of others: I do not see that as a scriptural matter. Obviously from the scriptures showing Miriam and Aarons' disapproval of Moses' marriage to a woman of colour, we can see that there has always been a prejudice of some people regarding inter-racial marriage. However, God does not require that we marry only someone of the same race as ourselves...only we are to marry "in the LORD"

© Glenys Robyn Hicks                   

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

Confessions of a sick housewife


As you probably know, I am trying to cope with heart problems, arthritis, fibromyalgia and back problems. That should be enough to cope with, but added to that, we are moving house tomorrow to become grey nomads and travel round Australia.  But right now,  I am totally exhausted!

Furthermore, as I packed stuff and cleaned the house, I was appalled at how dirty our home had become! In fact, I cried! I would be totally ashamed to sit at my kitchen table to share a cuppa with you with the state it has gotten in. As I scrubbed my stove top and cleaned my oven, it occurred to me that I had no right writing posts about homemaking when my home was so dirty! This realisation coupled with fatigue sent me in a downward spiral which the Evil One was only too happy to escort me to.

Seeking to refresh my lagging spirits, I listened to the Word on CD as I cleaned and I cried out to the LORD. Literally cried. Although I felt no physical refreshment, the Word ministered to my spirit. I felt amazingly and unconditionally loved and I can't say I heard the LORD, but I did receive a definite feeling of understanding and compassion in my spirit. This came as 'self-talk' but it was not from my self. You just know when God has spoken to your spirit. He always encourages you even when chastising, and even in chastisement, there is always a way out and a hope! This never comes from the Evil One!

I felt that I was being too hard on myself, given the circumstances of my ill health. I questioned if what I write is true, and it is. It is something that I aspire to, try to achieve and totally believe. The fact that I cannot achieve this at the moment is irrelevant. My heart and spirit are in the exhortations that I write. Therefore, I am not a hypocrite. You have got to believe me when I say that this ministered to me so much, that I felt the weight of false guilt just roll off my shoulders.

I am battling so many things right now. Including fear of the future, death, worsening health issues and pain.  I do so desire you to uphold me in your prayers and not to think too badly of me as I confess these shortcomings to you.....

I am sorry that I have disappointed some of you with this confession..... sometimes things get on top of me! Thank you to those of you who are praying for me. Perhaps it was these prayers that have led me back from The Pit.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Hebrews 12:8

Always a blessing


Living a satisfying and fruitful Christian life as an older woman is important. In applying godly principles and priorities to our life, we can avoid the pitfalls of succumbing to depression during the years of empty nesting. With the benefit of life experience and years of walking with Christ, we can be a blessing to those closest round us even in later life.

I love to encourage Christian women in their most precious calling. Although I now have passed the season of childbearing and child raising, I still find that my life can influence my adult children and their children. Being a mother and a godly woman never stops! In sharing my heart as an older Sister in Christ in the spirit of Titus 2 and Proverbs 31, I feel that I am still living my life out in a scripturally pleasing way and in keeping with godly priorities.

It is important that the older Christian woman encourages and teaches her younger sisters (and that includes her daughters and granddaughters) It is my prayer that younger women will catch the beauty and freedom we have in Christ by accepting that marriage, children and home are our first and most precious calling and ministry. I pray too that if you are an older sister like myself, that you will rise up and bless younger women too!

By living life according to godly priorities and principles, the aging Christian woman can find satisfaction and joy and be a blessing to those closest to her, even after her children have left the nest, for now is the time for outside ministry. God never wants us to feel unfulfilled and empty-He wants us to pass on the baton of godly womanhood.

God's ways are good: they are always good! And He says you will always be a blessing!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


"The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children," Titus 2:4-5

Experts don't always know best


When I was born there was a philosophy of child raising influenced by a whole network of Maternal Welfare Centres in Australia under the umbrella of Dr Truby King. In this teaching, the newborn was "trained" to be fed every 4 hours on the dot, allowed to cry inconsolably when hungry yet allowed to run wild in the developing years. One did not want to hurt their little psyches by spanking or scolding.

My mother remembers only too well her niece who was sucking on her fingers and screaming for a feed but whose mother would let her scream until the clock said it was time for the next feed! She was a strict follower of the Truby King regime. By the time the baby was offered the breast (which was swollen with milk that would gush down the child's throat), she was usually too exhausted to suckle well and if she did, would be full of colic from all the crying.

My cousin grew up a chronic thumb sucker and a lonely and unhappy child. But a child who was allowed complete freedom- even to tap dancing on the top of her mother's white Queen Ann dressing table! At a time when a newborn should be taught to trust in a big world, and then how to love and form a deep abiding bond with its mother or carer, it was deprived of not only food but comfort! It learnt to be anxious and distrustful and unloving!

But at an age where the personality was developing and training could commence, the child was allowed full vent to emotion and desires and was allowed to run wild. These poor children were taught that instant gratification, disrespect of authority, people and their possessions and ultimate selfishness were their right. There were no boundaries and the child was unhappy and isolated. Parents of children being trained in the niceties and values of normal living rightfully didn't want their own children associating with them.

Ultimately, Truby King bred a generation of unhappy adults who knew nothing but self indulgence and that anarchy does indeed rule. How sad! How very contrary to God's way of raising children! I do not know what became of Dr Truby King perhaps he has passed on- but the legacy he has passed on to countless adults brought up under his spartan regime is appalling. How different these teachings are to the gentle rearing of our children under the admonition of the scriptures!

How my heart yearns to be able to go back in time and comfort and feed the many infants starving for hours and fretting and to direct and gently guide the little children brought up under the teaching of these people! Yet many sincere and genuinely loving parents thought they were doing what was best for their children- unfortunately, they followed after the foolishness of man and against the knowledge of the Most High God.

I was fortunate to have a sensible mother, but thousands weren't. It makes you wonder how each turned out as an adult doesn't it?

© Glenys Robyn Hicks



"Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward. " Psalm 127:3

You should read this to prepare for what's to come

 


From France 🇫🇷 (Copied from a friend) 📢⚠️ 

UPDATE: Here in France it has gone to the extreme with the "Health" Pass. Last week on the 21st ALL restaurants, bars, coffee shops, and any leisure activities like sporting events, theaters, cinemas, museums, were closed to anyone without "the pass" and all staff at these places are mandated to get the jab to keep their job. It is now a 6 Month prison sentence if you are caught inside any of these places without the pass (the man who slapped the president in the face got only 3 months prison time). 

Business owners will get a fine of 45,000 euros and 1 year prison sentance if they do not comply with the use of "the pass" and force all their employees to get the jab. (If you know France, you can commit murder and have less of a sentence) So the result? All the low paid employees quit, they can make more on welfare here. (for now) We can still technically "get take out food" but I just tried last night and every restaurant in our town (that is dine in with take out) has closed their doors due to the lack of staff. As of last week ALL doctors, nurses and health industry workers have been mandated to get the jab or lose their license, practice, job, business etc. (ALL health care here is Govt paid positions and there are no private health care Doctors or Hospitals etc.) 

Since the Health care system is state run and funded, it has been run into the ground. All the good doctors left France 5 Years ago, all the hospitals look like they are 3rd world hospitals since there is no money to repair them, half of the equipment doesnt work and not every hospital is stocked with supplies needed for daily needs (masks, gels, disposable gowns etc). For 5 years Nurses have been understaffed and doing double the work because the Health care system is nearly bankrupt.... So add to this the mandatory jab. So the result? 

Well they took to the streets by the millions and now all the hospitals just lost another 50% of staff capacity. My doctor just went into early retirement (a.k.a. he quit) and I have yet to find a replacement. As of Aug 1st ALL large malls, retail stores and grocery store owners and their staff need to be jabbed and the health pass is required to enter for employees and customers. This would be the equivalent to closing ALL Targets, Walmarts, Costcos, Home Depots, and all major grocery stores. (basically any building over 20,000 squre meters) to those without "the pass". 

Result.?? Aug 15th Truckers will be going on strike nation wide; Blocking all access roads in and out of Paris. Yesterday an entire airport in Northern France closed due to the majority of staff quitting. As of Sept 15th All public areas and access will be off limits. No farmers markets, no parks, no national parks, lakes, rivers, beaches, recreation areas, campsites etc. and no gathering over 100 people, no churches, no weddings, etc. As of Oct 1st ALL small vendors such as, delis, pizza trucks, sandwich shops, butchers, bakers, vegatable stands etc. 

So as of Oct 1st I will only be able to purchase food by internet and pick up (if allowed). Food shortages, Truckers strike, hospitals and airports shutting down unemployment going through the roof. Its going to be a bumpy ride folks. Is it me or does all this seem a bit extreme for a "pass" that isn't exactly working? America England Australia New Zealand you’d better wake up.

Created To Be His Helpmeet..a dangerous book.


I am a conservative, non-feminist and submissive wife. Even though there were some good things regarding bringing women back to godly principles in marriage,  I found this book very disturbing.  I had been a severely abused wife for 25 years. So from the angle of an abused wife, I would like to comment and speak up for those women too afraid or unable to speak for themselves.

Chapter 2: The ugly hillbilly woman- the first and main reason she is accounted as ‘Ugly’ by Debi Pearl, is that she is overweight! As an overweight woman, that stung! I may be overweight, but my husband and family and friends have never even intimated that I am ugly! The fact that a smile can change this “worse than regular ugly!” woman is hogwash. It takes more than a smile to change a character- though a smile does indeed help. To say that the woman became unrecognizable when she was caught scowling because she was upset at her obese daughter taking candy is a bit far-fetched (unless her husband is short-sighted or dim-witted) However, I do agree that we must cultivate a happy disposition and smile. Our husbands and family need to see that.

When I first read the letter to the desperate wife whose husband was having an emotional affair with his secretary my first response was that Mrs Pearl’s advice was wrong. Then I reconsidered and thought that there was truth in the advice that if the wife stood up for her rights (and indeed she was in the right)- and fought to win her man back, then that would be the better way to approach it than to end the marriage. I have seen marriages almost ruined by affairs become stronger than ever where the wife has stood her ground. But if the marriage fails, why does Mrs Pearl attest that “if you get another husband, he will be like your old one- cast off by some other woman”? Who is she to say that with such conviction? It is not necessarily true or a given fact!

But it is so true that you cannot force or demand your husband to love you and that he cannot be pressured to love you because you are husband and wife. But why does love come into the equation in a Christian marriage? Where are commitment, understanding, compassion, forgiveness and other Christ-like attributes like forbearance, integrity and obligation to keep the marriage vows simply because God says we must?

If one person does not want to be in a marriage, it is a sad fact of life that sometimes no matter how much the spouse who wishes to remain in the marriage tries to please the errant spouse, then the one wanting out will often leave or make it impossible to stay in the marriage by becoming violent or aggressive. Then, because of hardness of heart of the errant spouse, the prayers and efforts of the faithful spouse come to naught. Why? Because we are carnal creatures at times- both men and women. God sometimes cannot soften a heart that is turned from Him because He will not violate our free will. However,I believe if you loved your husband enough, you would fight for him. Or stay in the marriage until it was impossible to remain safely in it.

We do see a bit of the “boys will be boys” mentality in this chapter, and I have to wonder if this is biased towards men being helpless creatures bewitched under the guiles of wicked women- Jezebels all. I know that men are called to account to God for their sins and being a man who can’t control his thought life and actions is not being a godly man. It does seem that the wife is to bear the burden of blame for her husband’s sin and then take it on the chin! And smile, smile, smile through her tears!

Another sore point with me is where she says,” being pitiful, hurt, discouraged and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage” coin. Men in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react in anger.”

As a woman who suffers from an illness that causes chronic pain and fatigue, I am so overjoyed to report that my husband doesn’t treat me as a faulty appliance which causes him great anger, but he cherishes me and tries to alleviate my suffering on bad days by sharing in my tasks and closing an eye to that which can’t be done on any particular day. After all, we promised to love each other in sickness and in health. Isn’t that type of commitment what God wants in marriage? So this chapter got me thanking God for the blessing of a husband who puts me first when I need it. (see Sick Wives Are Despised By Their Husbands: Debi Pearl)

Chapter 4: Thanksgiving produces joy. Whilst I can see Mrs Pearl’s point about not getting upset about the trash not being taken out, I think she is a little (much?) on the immature side when she finds screaming like that funny. IMO she is mighty fortunate to have a man who can see the funny side- especially when he has not been in the habit of taking trash out for her. And then to see her struggling week after week with the trash and not help her seems really inconsiderate to me.

Also I am uncomfortable that a woman who is teaching other women to be godly wives forgets that we are to be discreet- especially when our intimate lives are involved. It is not very discreet to almost hope that the business manager comes in and then to have a scream ready to embarrass the poor man! Yes, we are to be our husband’s playmate! I agree 100% but then I agree with the Word which clearly says: ” as a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.” Proverbs 11:22

To not care about the feelings of the business manager but in fact to entertain thoughts of him finding Mr and Mrs Pearl frolicking or worse yet, in fragrante delicto, is absolutely contrary to Scripture. We are not to be the cause of another person to stumble- apart from being very embarrassing to the staff, I am sure most of them would think Mr and Mrs Pearl extremely indiscreet and insensitive- lovemaking should be enjoyable, fun and PRIVATE!

Chapter 5: the gift of wisdom: In the beginning of this chapter, IMO Mrs Pearl is putting a great deal of pressure on the wife to be the prime force behind a successful marriage. If the marriage is not a heavenly one, it would seem in her opinion, that the wife is not submitting or being thankful and joyful. Whilst I agree that basically what she says is true, there are marriages where normal boundaries are overstepped and it is impossible to be thankful or joyful- for example after a beating or some other horrendously humiliating experience. Now it is extremely difficult if not impossible, to be thankful to and for the husband who is like this.

Marriage is a two-way street. A man is to love his wife as his own body- no man hates his own body but cherishes it (Ephesians 5:28) To completely negate this by saying that a wife should love and respect her husband regardless is OK- to a point. But what of the badly abused wife? It is impossible to be a loving responsive wife in the evening after that same man has bruised you physically and emotionally during the day. At best our body can be receptive, but our heart cannot join in with loving responses. The fear overrides all else.

I feel Mrs Pearl is totally unable to empathise with a wife who is badly abused and to add the pressure of maintaining or creating a “heavenly” marriage in such a case is not only impossible but invites the poor woman to break down emotionally or even doubt or lose her faith! Mrs Pearl is preaching the truth for the majority of marriages- but not for all!

As a woman nearly beaten to the point of death in my first marriage, I take great exception to this:(the abusive harsh husband)…”But he cannot victimize you unless you react outside of the wisdom of God.” This is such hogwash! When your jaw is dislocated or your ribs broken, it is a normal reaction to feel pain. Then to fear being hurt like that again. It is hopeful that the godly woman will turn to God in her pain and not feel rejected by Him. To even continue in a marriage like this takes more faith and obedience than Mrs Pearl will ever know personally.

I did as Mrs Pearl advocates: I held my tongue and didn’t strike back in anger. I tried not to feel sorry for myself and protected HIM from the consequences of his sin by not going to the law and telling my doctor lies about how my injuries came about. I understand what Mrs Pearl is saying but I also understand that there are some men walking so much in sin that it goes WAY BEYOND TRASH BAGS NOT BEING TAKEN OUT. Preaching like Mrs Pearl’s saw me come to the point of a nervous breakdown.

When you feel like God doesn’t intervene or care or if you leave your husband, that you are going to Hell, and are therefore trapped in a cycle of abuse that makes you vomit up everything you eat because of fear, then you have nowhere to go but down into the pit of Hell itself. I am adamant that God does care, and doesn’t want any wife to be treated in this way. But I realise that on the other side of the coin, there are many wives who will justify leaving their husbands for a minor infringement like not taking the trash out! So this chapter has to be read assuming that a marriage is not in the extreme range of violence against the woman.

I wasn’t going to get personal in my critique, but maybe some women reading this will identify and be helped by what I write! Balance, dear Sisters, balance and wisdom in ALL things! So this chapter to me is one where I nod and turn the page over!

I have made notes of other things both good and bad to comment on, but I now realise that in all honesty, the more I delve into this book, the more I find it disturbs me. There are too many things that Debi Pearl writes about that are not backed up by scripture and in other situations, I feel that she and Michael offer no real answer for those married to men who are habitually abusing their wives. I am not really well enough at the moment to write about each and every chapter, so I will make a blanket critique of this book by saying in my opinion,  the advice is often unrealistic and even dangerous- especially about keeping silent if you are a wife suffering from abuse.

My belief is that when a wife comes to the point of shedding blood or having bones broken by her husband then the authorities should be notified, her doctor should be consulted and treatment given and her pastor should be informed. I regret that I followed the “suffering in silence” method of dealing with my own physical abuse and almost ended up dying at my ex husband’s hands. To counsel women along the lines of silent suffering is not wise counsel and downright dangerous.

So in closing, I would say that I have changed my mind about recommending the book- I would caution all those who read it to keep in mind that husbands do indeed have no right before God or man to so damage their wife that she suffer real physical damage. Christian or not- the red line is crossed when a woman or child is hit enough to cause any damage.

We have many excellent books on Christian marriage that are equally good in bringing women back to remembering that they are helpmeets. IMO the Pearls book is not totally backed up in scripture and is therefore erroneous teaching and dangerous as well. I now would say that my findings are 90% rubbish and 10% good teaching. If you are in a marriage where you are not living in fear every waking moment, praise God! I am happy for you, however, I am speaking up for thousands of godly Christian Sisters who are not! They need your prayers and compassion badly- something that Debi and Michael Pearl seem to be lacking!

Here are some books that are by far better than CTBHH:
“The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective” by Martha Peace.

Leslie Vernick’s ‘How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong’

Gary Chapman: ‘The 5 Love Languages’ and ‘On the Marriage You Always Wanted.’

"The Power Of A Positive Wife” by Karol Ladd

‘Feminine Appeal: 7 Virtues of a Godly Wife’ and

‘Mother and/or Biblical Womanhood in the Home’…both written by Nancy Leigh Demoss.

Other greats include ‘Lord, Meet Me in the Laundry Room’ by Barbara Curtis as well as

‘The Mother at Home’.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks

These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so. Acts 17:11

Sick wives despised by their husbands



I have recently read Debi Pearl's book "Created To Be His Helpmeet" Frankly, I think the book is scripturally unsound and borders on demeaning and insulting to women. What Debi Pearl says about the sick wife is just one area where I find a lack of compassion and an almost mysogynistic outlook. Here is what she says:

"being pitiful, hurt, discouraged and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage” coin. Men in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react in anger.”
As a woman who suffers from illnesses that cause chronic pain and fatigue, I am so overjoyed to report that my husband doesn’t treat me as a faulty appliance which causes him great anger, but he cherishes me and tries to alleviate my suffering on bad days by sharing in my tasks and closing an eye to that which can’t be done on any particular day. After all, we promised to love each other in sickness and in health. Isn’t that type of commitment what God wants in marriage? So this chapter got me thanking God for the blessing of a husband who puts me first when I need it.

We sacrificial home keepers have enough on our plates already: trying to cope with our illness, be a good wife and mother and run our home. We often deal with disbelieving family members when the illness is an invisible illness like fibromyagia and chronic fatigue. Most likely you too have thought, like I do, that sometimes it would be easier to have an illness or disability that is highly visible rather than endure snide remarks about laziness and so on as we battle on.

Debi and Michael Pearl lack compassion, empathy and love. In my opinion, they lack many Christlike attributes that are the hallmark of a Christian. To put such a heavy yoke onto a sick woman's shoulders is to cause her added stress and anxiety. It is not the way of Christ.

I believe that the majority of sick women fight a courageous battle and do an overwhelmingly good job of being a Helpmeet to their husband. They are usually the hardest on themselves for they want to do that which their healthier Sisters do and they often fail. They do not need the likes of some author (Christian or not), putting the boot in and blaming them for their husbands' anger and spiritual unease. Nor do they need to be made anxious about their marriage.

Over the years, I have observed marriages where the wife is ill and I have seen that the majority of husbands are not as Debi Pearl claims. They love their wife and usually do all they can to support her in her homemaking efforts. They bring their children in line and demand that they take their mothers' health into consideration.

This is the love Christ wants for us, not the "love" portrayed by Debi Pearl. We would do well to reject her ideas on the sick spouse and to thank God that we have the Holy Spirit to lead us into Truth. He is indeed our Comforter.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks



And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Matthew 14:14