Taking it up again!
It's all too much!
So recently I have had chest pain in angina and breathing problems coupled with what I thought was fatigue from an ongoing fibromyalgia flare.
My blood pressure sky rocketed, requiring a visit to a cardiologist who ordered an echocardiogram. My general practitioner told me if the results were bad, he would contact me. And he did.
I got the call last Friday telling me to make an appointment for a phone consult so I ended up speaking to the doctor on Monday. He told me I have heart failure due to Pulmonary Hypertension.
There is no cure for it but there are some treatments. I am already on blood thinners which I will stay on as PH can cause blood clots in the lungs. I already take 7 blood pressure tablets a day.
I often have felt dizzy and this is another symptom of PH and I feel like I can't get enough air in at times. The time will come when I will probably need oxygen at home.
Forget about exercise- I nearly collapse with exhaustion after walking up our long passage to answer the door.
I will know more tomorrow when I see the doctor in person. This is needful because he wants to check out the swelling in my feet, ankles and legs. I suspect I have fluid in my abdomen too. It hurts and is tight like a drum.
I had a blood test yesterday to check on my kidney function and this will be a regular thing.
Lately it's been one thing after another and I am a tad depressed. Prayers would be much appreciated. It's all too much!
I just have to pursue it.
Unpretentious and simple
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
" So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12
Ordinary and good!
We have to talk
Micah says it all!
Being a Christian isn't really that difficult. Once one has surrendered his or her life to Christ, the Holy Spirit guides us into that which pleases God.
Our walk with Him is continuous and should lead us to becoming better people than we were yesterday, emulating the Master, Jesus Christ.
As a sufferer of many ailments which cause chronic pain and fatigue, fibromyalgia being the worst culprit, I used to worry about not being able to serve God as well as I did in my younger Christian walk before illnessdep.
Depression would hang around my shoulders like a cloak because I felt unable to do much for Jesus, in fact unable to do much at all for even my family.
Then I had an epiphany! I realised that God can be served mostly by having a loving heart. Besides, His love for us is not dependant on what we do, but on what He has done for us!
God only requires that I love Him with my whole heart, mind and soul, that I love justice and mercy and that I walk humbly with Him. It's nothing to do with limitations brought on by illness or disability or our lack of energy or spoons to do things. Grace is wonderful and my favourite verse in Micah says it all!
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
"He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8
I'm no longer a bunny!
Like a vapour!
It's been a rough morning. Firstly I woke up feeling the worst fibromyalgia pain I have ever felt. Not a cryer, I cried this morning.
Then I took my morning pills- 11 of them. And they got stuck and melted... so I grabbed my cup of tea to push them down and it was boiling and I choked.
Chris had to pump my back to try and dislodge them. I couldn't breathe and I thought I was going to Jesus right then and there.
As I type, my throat and lungs are burning and closing over... I have lost my voice.
Please pray urgently that I don't get aspiration pneumonia again. I have had it 3 times and am prone to it... I only have one functioning lung..
Only good thing about today is that I can breathe and that the Rapture is so close. Maranatha. I am ready, Father! Life is so short, and it can end so suddenly... like a vapour
If you don't know Jesus as saviour why not ask Him into your life today? There's not much time left and tomorrow isn't promised... Click here for more information...
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. -James 4:14
To eat the meat!
If any of them that believe not bid you [to a feast], and ye be disposed to go; whatsoever is set before you, eat, asking no question for conscience sake. But if any man say unto you, This is offered in sacrifice unto idols, eat not for his sake that shewed it, and for conscience sake: for the earth [is] the Lord's, and the fulness thereof: Conscience, I say, not thine own, but of the other: for why is my liberty judged of another [man's] conscience? For if I by grace be a partaker, why am I evil spoken of for that for which I give thanks? Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10: 27-31
She is not afraid of the snow
Dead tired
Making the most of my spoons
The Queen of List Making
Even so, He is Lord!
Chronic illness can make us feel that God is far away, so it is important to remember that our salvation does not rely on our feelings. For which I am truly grateful.
It is also important for us to turn to God when we feel at our worst. He is there to comfort and strengthen us in our worst pain and sadness.
Our faith can take a beating when we are in pain, but if we turn towards God, coming to Him like a tired and sick child, He will show us the depth of His love, compassion and comfort.
Don't berate yourself for feeling like He doesn't care or see... that only compounds our sadness. By turning to Him, even with tears, you will find the Compassion of a God Who understands pain because He died on a cross for you.
I don't know why God has chosen the path of suffering for me, but it is in that moment that I truly must acknowledge these thoughts and feelings and come to Him regardless. For even so, He is LORD.
Resistance is futile
It's infuriating that you can go years without a diagnosis. Especially frustrating when doctors dismiss you. Even worse if they suggest it's all in your head, when everywhere hurts so much you could cry. And do.
My diagnosis after many years of suffering and tests was clinched when my skin came up in red welts after the rheumatologist pressed on my trigger points. I have since learned that it's called dermagraphica or skin writing.
One can never leave fibromyalgia or move away from it. One is never really out of a fibromyalgia flare as the smallest over extending of energy drags you back into another one.
Fibromyalgia brings emotional pain too as one tries to avoid looking ill but fails as the pain overrides the best of our intensive acting like a "normal"
There's no cure and one really doesn't move on but moves through it flare by flare, day in day out, year by year. One staggers through it. Lives it 24/7. Endures it.
No matter how hard we try to live a normal life, fibromyalgia accompanies us like a cloak of gloom around our shoulders. We soon learn we must accept it, for resistance is futile....
Plans for today: Today I had the lady come to clean our house and tomorrow we have a house inspection. My plans today are to keep the dishes under control and put away a few clothes from the washing today. Dinner will be pea and ham soup cooked in the slow cooker.
Flaring badly, I see a nana nap on my horizon...
Keeping the homefires burning
Cooking is a ministry
"When they landed, they saw a charcoal fire there with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus told them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” So Simon Peter went aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many, the net was not torn.
“Come, have breakfast,” Jesus said to them. None of the disciples dared to ask Him, “Who are You?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and He did the same with the fish." -John 21:9-12