Morning Cuppas With Glenys : Chronic fatigue

Showing posts with label Chronic fatigue. Show all posts

Out of my comfort zone.

I am so exhausted right now. We have just moved house and as expected, I have welcomed a new fibromyalgia flare.

Having fibromyalgia for 23 years, I knew it would end like this, but in life some things are unavoidable and you just have to go with it.

So I sit here writing to you, trying to wind down enough to actually fall asleep. I have succeeded in making the home functional but there's much to still be done.

It will have to wait until tomorrow. As long as I have clean clothes for tomorrow and some clean cups and plates, it will have to suffice.

I hate moving so much, but I do love the house we have moved to and I am hoping the next tenants feed the birds and stray feral cat who comes to dine. I will miss them.

Wednesday I need to go to our doctor, so we will hand the keys in to the real estate then. Then they can inspect it and show prospective tenants through.

It looked lovely after the cleaners had been yesterday and the carpet cleaner's spray was perfumed so nicely. It was hard work for me to get to this point, but as I said, it was necessary.

I cleaned and packed like a pro and we expect to get our bond or security money back with no problems. My muscles are so weak now but I think the results of my effort should pay off even though I was out of my comfort zone.

On the move again!

We have been busy looking for another home to rent. It's been a nightmare. There aren't many homes to rent and when we apply, we are vying with about 20 other people for the same home.

Most days we have to go to look at these houses and as we are in the country, it is at least an hour's drive each day. I am exhausted.

So much exhaustion is hard to take, especially when it brings on a fibromyalgia flare. But as in lots of things in life, it just has to be done.

I think the most stressful part is actually securing a property to move in to. The actual move is not so bad, and this time we will be paying my grandson to help us move.

With the fifth wheel and tow vehicle sold, we are in a position to get someone to do the move for us and it's especially important with our failing health to enlist help this time.

We are going to miss the birdlife here for sure, but with us being in our 70's, we have decided that we need to be closer to family and hospitals if we have an emergency.

This house is old and has no insulation and is incredibly cold and it's our winter now. With the price of electricity going up on July first, we won't be able to afford the heating in our all electric dwelling.

We are feeling the cold and are looking forward to ducted heating again.

Today there's no house viewings as it's Saturday. I have used the time to catch up on washing and I have two slow cookers going with different meals in them.

I am contemplating using Prednisolone for a few days so that my neck and jaw pain (TMJ) abates. I don't know if it will help my muscle pain in my shoulder and upper pain, but it can't hurt.

Today is the first day for awhile that I have been able to post as my muscles feel like they're tearing. But I just wanted to touch base and tell you what's happening in our part of the world at the moment.

Next week is another day of house hunting and tonight I feel like I am running on a wing and a prayer- on the move again!

We aren't just tired: we're dead tired

A woman who suffers from a chronic illness or disability often finds herself at the end of "normals'" ideas of being tired. We are often looked at with contempt for being so tired that we can't perform our daily duties properly. Or that we have to go to bed early, rise late, or cancel social engagements at the last minute. We are not lazy.

Before Corona, we were regarded with suspicion when we couldn't make it to church regularly and people harshly judged our spiritual health, deeming us backslidden. Emotional and spiritual hurt exacerbates our ill state. We feel worse and they lack compassion.

Often we have to cancel doctors' appointments because we are too sick to get there. We find we can't drive and even if we could, we haven't got the strength to even get washed and dressed. It is not unheard of that some of us have crumpled in the shower, unable to get out and totally winded...

Our "tired" goes far beyond a sleepiness or drowsy feeling. We are so fatigued that breathing is too much effort and not for the first time we are grateful it's automatic.

Furthermore, our "tired" is not helped by a nanna nap or even 9 hours of sleep. We fight our illness and pain even in our dreams and wake up unrefreshed and have to face another day when we haven't recuperated from the day before. We simply have run out of spoons.

"Tired" is overused and doesn't come close to the bone sucking quagmire of desperate fatigue we chronically ill people find ourselves sinking into constantly. To have "normals" flippantly say, "Me too!" when we tell them we are tired invalidates us and makes us long for their brand of tiredness that can be restored through a good sleep.

We cannot even enjoy a shower or bath to help us sleep as the effort it takes to do this not only drains us of whatever energy we can find, but does not always bring a restorative sleep. Just muscle pain.

Such is my own pain on going to bed that I find I cannot place my arms anywhere comfortable. My fibromyalgia and polymyalgia rheumatica make it impossible to raise my arms upwards and extending them hurts my muscles and tendons. So I go to sleep with my arms folded on my chest.

I indeed look like a cadaver which has been laid out and testifies somewhat to the feeling of being dead in my tracks. Because that's the type of exhaustion we face every day: we truly feel dead tired.

Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalm 71:9

Spoons aren't transferable

So this morning I needed a shower as I have an important appointment later on in the day. With being home most of the time, I have been fairly relaxed about it, but not today.

I did our bloods, gave Chris his insulin injection, ate breakfast and ran the shower. It was heaven on my aching muscles and I let the water run on my sore neck and back. I washed my hair and body and then started to feel weak.

Out of spoons, I sat on the side of the bath trying to catch my breath and get my second wind. It didn't come.

By the time I had finally got dried and dressed, I was literally shaking and sick with fatigue.

Looking at the clock, I realised that in a few hours I will be leaving the house and walking around. Which normals think as normal, but us sufferers of fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses know, we have to balance everything in the spoon equation. Once spent, they're gone!

Sitting down to rest and trying to garner some spoons of energy, I realised once again that I simply cannot shower on days I have to go out to an appointment that simply cannot be postponed.

You would think after 22 years of fibromyalgia that I would have learned that spoons aren't transferable.

So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12

It was a good day!

It's Monday afternoon here. I have cleaned my kitchen and done a load of washing. My step-son and his wife came and checked out the fifth wheeler we have sold. We can't even get up in it anymore.

She made the bed up again like in the photos and step-son vaccuumed the floor. It is so nice and the buyer is going to be getting a bargain. He plans to use it as a static van to live in on his property. He's been on the phone organising a transport company to get it for him. He's interstate.

Hopefully, it will be gone by the end of the week and our bank account will look a lot healthier. Next we will be selling the tow vehicle and buying a new car and moving. So that's what I am doing this afternoon: looking at home rentals.

I am cooking pork BBQ ribs for dinner. Yet with only a few things on my list of things to do, I am incredibly tired..thanks to fibromyalgia.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and Chris brought me a cup of tea this morning and said Happy Mother's Day. I said I aren't your mum and he replied but you mother me! So cute. I giggled.

Each of my kids rang me so all in all, it was a good day!

Keeping dainty with chronic illness

I have been ill with fibromyalgia for about twenty years now. In that time, lots of things have changed, and one of them is my personal hygiene routine.

One would think that taking a bath or a shower would be an easy thing to accomplish, but if you suffer from chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, back problems or angina problems like I do, you would realise that it consumes a lot of your spoons. So I had to do a bit of rethinking of my daily routines. I've discovered that one of the places that takes a lot of my spoons is the bathroom.

Because bathing and drying and dressing exhaust me, I varied my time in taking a bath depending on how well I feel. If I have enough energy, I would bathe in the morning, if not I would take a shower before bed as Chris is home and he helps me get dried and into my nightie. (When you are chronically ill, you quickly get over being humbled by needing assistance- you are grateful for any help available.)

I have found that if I take a bath or shower in the morning I am left with no energy for the rest of the day. If I take my shower at night, I have just enough energy afterwards to get myself to bed, which works out much better.

Hot baths or showers leave me too exhausted and give me angina pain, so I take showers with only warm or tepid water. While I would prefer to shower every day, showering is best done every other day for me to avoid flare-ups of pain, fatigue and soreness. I have decided on some new course of action to make time in my bathroom more fibro-friendly.

One of the first things I changed was how I take a shower, or rather, the position in which I shower: sitting. Here I find those telephone type showers are useful. When I get out of the shower, I sit down to dry off.

I can no longer blow dry my hair so by necessity my hairstyle has been wash and air dry for years now. Time in front of the sink brushing my teeth or washing my face has been modified by resting one foot on a stool while standing. Because of spinal problems and being a short person, I have a glass in my bathroom which I fill with water and use for rinsing and cleaning my toothbrush without straining to reach the tap.

I no longer wear makeup, the standing in front of the mirror and the use of my hands in holding the various tools of the task, is now limited to special occasions only; it is too painful a task to do on a daily basis. Also, my face is so sensitive that it breaks out in red welts at the slightest pressure... which includes smearing on foundation. This is called dermagraphia.

The bottom line is taking a shower is a real workout now. In addition to modifying how I take a shower, I am going to follow these 3 rules: I will only take a shower at night, I will only take warm water showers and I will only take a shower every other day. With the employment of a good deodorant after each shower and a fresh change of underwear each night and morning, I have found that I don't offend anyone and remain feminine and dainty.

Life with chronic illness is complicated, but at least I manage to stay clean while living it!

So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom. Psalm 90:12

I just have to pursue it.

So with a horrid year last year, I was quite happy to see the end of it. I messaged my friends and family and wished them a happy new year, then turned my phone off and went to bed.

It was on 11 o'clock, but I was exhausted and had no spoons left. The weather was really warm and I decided to forgo my electric blanket. With the help of a Tramadol, I managed to quell my fibro and back pain and soon fell asleep.

I woke up at 2am and realised that it was January 1st. Not that it makes much difference what year or day it is- for Chris and I one day is much the same as another. We stay home mostly.

This year, I am training myself to live in the moment. That's all we are promised anyway. I have worried about what lies ahead this new year, but I am going to stop thinking too far ahead.

I plan to read more of the Bible and saturate myself in uplifting read and videos. I am going to try to live with hope and not dwell on negatives.

The eternal optimist, I am going to believe that I am going to have less fibro pain and get more done. I mean, if one thinks only of horrible things it will ensure that I just exist and don't live.

I don't want to endure next year, but enjoy it. It's a big ask, but it is possible. I tell myself it's possible to live an abundantly happy life in spite of pain. I just have to pursue it.

Oh no, no ho ho

So we had our little granddaughter Taylah for a few days, and picked her up Friday, but it didn't go to plan. After a full day, in spite of me making an effort to play with her and give her my full attention, she decided she wanted to go home.

She said she missed her mother, and so we made the 2 hour trip each way to drop her off again. Even though I didn't drive, I was exhausted. Even being a passenger is gruelling when you have a fibromyalgia flare, angina, sore back and broken knees that throb with every heart beat.

I had bought a rolling pin with the nativity on it and planned to make Christmas cookies as gifts. Well, I did make cookies as promised with Taylah helping me, but not the ones I planned to give away. They were plain cookies.

When I told her we had to refrigerate the dough for a couple of hours, she said she didn't want to have to wait. So the Christmas cookies didn't come to pass.

The Mother of all Flares has come to pay me yet another visit- or maybe I just haven't recovered from the last one. I am feeling so exhausted I could collapse. So yesterday I had a nana nap and went to bed earlier than normal.

I was hoping that would do the trick and give me some wind under my sails, but in truth I awoke with no spoons. No spoons on Christmas Eve is a disaster!

We were supposed to leave our home around 11am today and visit my children and grandchildren but I felt unsteady on my feet, due to wonky knees, foggy in head due to fibro and hurting so badly with my spinal stenosis that I had to cancel.

Tomorrow we are supposed to see Taylah open her presents, visit my sister and son for lunch and go to my step-daughter's for afternoon tea before driving the two hours home before dark.

Truthfully, unless I have a miracle, we won't be going. After I finish chatting to you, I will be letting the Tramadol work by going to bed to rest. I really want to feel better.

As much as I love my family and Christmas, it would seem that it is going to have to be cancelled. It's a pity but it is what it is! Besides, nobody wants a spaced out whiny woman around them on Christmas Day. And I don't want to her, but unfortunately it's hard with illness to have any ho ho ho.

No mojo with fibro

So leading up to Christmas, I had my 9 year old granddaughter Taylah, stay with us until Christmas Eve, when she would be taken home in plenty of time for Santa to come.

I promised Tay that we would make Christmas cookies make cubbies, play school, go swimming and have a play date with her cousins.

Day one started out well and we played school, office workers and shop keepers. I showed Tay how to touch type, taught her a bit of Italian and French in a fun way and then I promptly ran out of spoons.

I simply had to give in to the pain and take some Tramadol to keep going. I made some lunch and felt like I might pass out. Dizziness assailed me and I felt vomity. Probably the Tramadol.

I had to explain to Tay that I love having her here, but am not well and I need to take a nana nap. She got a crash course in fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue.

She had lost her paternal grandmother last week and was very anxious about me so I didn't want to frighten her too much, so I said that if I don't go to rest for an hour that I would not enjoy her stay because I would be cranky. If I went to bed just for an hour, I would enjoy it so much more, and so would she.

As she accepted this fact, she immediately bombarded me with "but I thought we were making cookies, playing out side and making a cubby house?" I told her we could do all that if I took a nap. She said OK then got her ipad out. I went to bed and allowed the Tramadol to do its magic. It didn't.

No, it didn't do anything except make me nauseous, even after a 20 minute nap. That was all I got. So, I got up, made us all a cup of tea and sat down with Chris to watch a video he wanted to show me.

Taylah pouted and demanded to make cookies, as I had had a nana nap. Groaning, I got up and started taking ingredients out to make the cookies.

After that, I was too exhausted to clean the kitchen. I cooked dinner and then it was time for Tay to have her bath. That wasn't a big deal as she's nearly ten, but she wanted me to play MacDonalds with her, so I got some wooden spoons and plastic cups for her to play with.

I sat on my shower stool and bought some Big Macs,"no pickles, no onion and a soft serve cone for my daughter." We blew bubbles with the Imperial Leather soap and I did what Fibromites do best: I tried to hide my pain and pretended to have a good time.

By 9 o'clock I insisted that Tay go to bed and I joined her. Before we went to sleep, she told me she missed her mother and wanted to go home.

In the morning, she assured me she loved being here and she loved me but wanted her mum. I told her I understood and that it was fine. We would take her home. She was humming to herself as she played teacher and when I went to the fridge, I found a love note from her to me.

I was glad as I worried she didn't stay with us longer because I was a boring old lady. And I fear I am. Cos everyone knows there's no mojo with fibro.

Resting my tired twinkle

So I did a thing that stripped me of what little spoons I had. I took a shower and went to click and collect a few Christmas gifts I ordered on line.

I came home and cooked dinner and had a bad asthma attack. I couldn't breathe properly. Chris tidied up the kitchen for me and I sat down for a while until I felt better.

The Mother of all Fibro Flares has paid me a visit. I ache everywhere and feel too exhausted even to talk. It is nearly 9pm here and I am ready to go to bed.

You just have to listen to your body in times like this. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up with some spoons.

After 6 months of not seeing my little granddaughter, Taylah, we are picking her up Friday and having her for a few days. I just have to be well enough for that. We have missed each other. Fortunately she is nearly 10 years old, so she doesn't need a lot of care.

I am too pooped to worry a great deal about Christmas this year. We have bought a few things online and that will have to do. Sometimes you just have to rest your tired twinkle!

Something to remember if we move.

Yesterday's house inspection went well. She thanked us for keeping the house nice and said the owners will be pleased. I am glad to hear that because Chris wants to move closer into the bigger towns when/if we sell the fifth wheeler. I want to move closer to my children if I have to move. I am not keen on moving again. Anyway, we will have a good record as tenants if we have to move.

I have arms that feel like they're made of lead today. Fibromyalgia. I did our online shop again and it's due to be delivered this afternoon. It's the easiest way for us to do it these days. I have some dishes to wash from lunch and breakfast and I will probably have a nana nap to be able to cope with cooking diner and putting the shopping away.

Lately I've been spending quite a bit of time in bed. It usually doesn't get made much for that reason. But with it looking nice yesterday for the inspection, I decided to take a snap of it. Something to remember if we move.

I know how she feels

So, many moons ago, my ex-husband and I used to go every Saturday to see our eldest son play football. On inclement weather days, I would sit in the car with a friend I had made. She came to watch her son play as well.

We would chat during quarters and half time and I had noticed that she had no wedding rings or jewellery of any kind. I knew she was married because her husband and mine would watch our boys together.

She was a bit of a sour puss to be totally honest. Perpetually moody and very negative. I couldn't understand why because she looked well and dressed nicely. There was something about her: she was a bit odd.

Anyway, during our talks she said she was perpetually tired. Bone tired. She didn't work outside of her house and only had one child and he was almost a teenager like our son. What could be making her tired?

Years before the mobile or cell phones came in, I asked her what she thought the time was. She pulled her watch out of her pocket and I couldn't help but ask why didn't she wear it?

She replied that she cannot wear jewellery of any kind. It drove her nuts. Her muscles ached constantly and she was in pain and was being treated for depression. The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with her in spite of oodles of tests.

For her treatment, she was under the care of a psychiatrist who said she had some form of mental illness that bordered on OCD as well as depression and fatigue. Then she was labelled as a hypochondriac.

She was on strong pain killers and also Valium and anti-depressants. Nothing seemed to help and she told me she had to force herself to come and see her only child play each week.

I thought she was rather weird to be honest. I mean why can't anyone bear to wear even a necklace or wedding ring or watch? Mentally, I lumped her in the acquaintances category, rather than a girl friend.

One day she told me she was having trouble sleeping and she needed to sleep off her medications but often felt groggy and muddled during the day. So, I offered to pray for her. Well, she blew up at me and screamed, "There is no God! If there was, he wouldn't have let my brother die in a fire on an oil rig!"

I was told not to pray for her again and as she was very vitriolic, I decided to sit in our car from then on. I didn't need her anger and aggressiveness.

This was in the 1980's and fast forwarding to 1999, with the identical symptoms as her, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after many tests for Lupus. I had never heard of it.

Psychiatric assessment wasn't even muted and I confess I felt a sense of relief at that. It was a medical condition for a nasty painful syndrome that I now know that poor woman had.

It all fell into place: a trauma that ended her peace, the body aches, fatigue, irritability, skin that could not bear being touched-and it excluding wearing jewellery, no restorative sleep, and brain fog with cognitive difficulties.

In those days, when fibromyalgia was not even heard of by the general population and doctors weren't trained about it, fibromites were treated with disdain and were labelled with munchausens and other neurotic labels and as a result were often overmedicated with anti psychotics and Valium.

After being diagnosed myself, I remembered this poor woman and I confess I too labelled her as a hypochondriac and malinger and possibly suffering from munchausens as well.

I am so glad that fibromyalgia is much more known and is treated as a real malady and not a psychiatric disease. Yes, we occasionally are still misunderstood, but not as much.

Since I found out about fibromyalgia, I still pray for that poor woman and I thank God that at last she would be heard. It's the least I can do for her, now that I know how she feels.

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2

Letting the Sonshine in!

We chronically ill people need to feel hope. With chronic pain one is worn down and depression often results. If one can't get to church often we have to face not only problems with validation but judgments about our faith walk.

With depression comes a low in spirituality so that one can feel estranged from God. Obviously, those judgments don't help.

It is important to focus on Jesus and remind ourselves that God loves us just as we are, and not how fast we spin our wheel.

Keeping the focus on God's unconditional love for us will be helpful as well as reminding ourselves that we are saved through Grace, not works.

Let's not succumb to depression through pain and instead let us be kind to ourselves and each other by focussing on the goodness and greatness of God's love for us by praying and worshiping in spite of our pain.

When we lift our thoughts to God, it is letting the Sonshine in.

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

I am blessed

After a horrid day with pain from my fibromyalgia and arthritis, I gratefully sank into bed, pulling my soft minkie blankets over me.

As is my custom before sleeping, I prayed and thanked God for the good things of the day. And as I started to pray, the blessings of the day kept on coming.

I was and am thankful and grateful for so many things which truthfully are more abundant than the horrid things that make up my life of chronic illness.

The warmth of my bed and the softness of my blankets, the feather down pillow that allowed me to adjust it to just the right way to support my sore neck and shoulder muscles and the light that shone softly at my bedside all soothed and nurtured me.

The outside light shone through the star shapes in my drapes, and the little stars lit up the room and danced across my bed as my chest moved in breaths and sighs of contentment. My little cat snuggled up beside me. We were both content.

How blessed I am to be able to lay my head down to rest in peace. So many the world over do not have that luxury.

My soft minkie pajamas caressed my skin, soothing it and unlike other clothing, did not make me itch in a way that started an itchy frenzy. Only the Fibromite who suffers from constant itch would be grateful for that.

As I gave thanks for all those things, I remembered the labour saving devices I have been blessed to own, and along with that, I gave thanks for the many convenience foods and products that make my life as a Sacrificial Home Keeper easier. Not for the first time, I thanked God for allowing me to live in a country where these products are available.

I am grateful for the convenience of online banking, shopping and grocery purchases. Many a day finds me with limited spoons and I do not feel inclined to leave my home.

And when I have to get repeat prescriptions made up, I am grateful that I have an app that allows me to order them and pick them up later...

Our little country home nurtures us and gives me many comforts for which I am also grateful. And as the happy relaxed thoughts overtook me, I drifted into sleep, glad and secure that I am the LORD'S and He will be there tomorrow to bless me and console me as I walk the lonely painful path of chronic illness and pain.

There's nothing that can compare to counting one's gifts of love from the LORD. I am blessed. And grateful.

For thus says the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel: “ In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15

Staying dainty..

Making a difference!

As sacrificial home keepers, we still can achieve a good deal in creating a peaceful home for our family. We can still make a difference: it just takes extra planning and energy and consulting our lists!

"What really does work to increase the feeling of having a home and its comforts is housekeeping. Housekeeping creates cleanliness, order, regularity, beauty, the conditions for health and safety, and a good place to do and feel all the things you wish and need to do and feel in your home.
Whether you live alone or with a spouse, parents, and ten children, it is your housekeeping that makes your home alive, that turns it into a small society in its own right, a vital place with its own ways and rhythms, the place where you can be more yourself than you can be anywhere else." by Cheryl Mendelson, Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping House

I have posted lists that show how we sacrificial home keepers can stay on top of things by planning and pacing. I hope they will be of some help to you. Feel free to print the Lists out if you want.

No matter how little we do or how big or small our home is, we can still be like the Proverbs 31 woman and and still live out Titus 2. We can still make a difference!

"So teach [us] to number our days, that we may apply [our] hearts unto wisdom" Psalm 90:12

Pain changes people!

In dealing with my fibromyalgia flares, I find dealing with the accompanying mental pain is just as bad as dealing with unrelenting physical pain. It is just as difficult to bear.

Usually a mild mannered person, after coping all day with searing pain in my muscles, topped off with an inability to sleep soundly, I can fly off the handle occasionally.

Yesterday for example, I managed to catch up on my dishes, which turned out to be a three part marathon. Usually Chris puts them away but yesterday it didn't happen.

My fingers were paining me, my back ached and my legs didn't feel like they could hold me up. Unfortunately, a feeling of resentment overtook me, and I yelled at Chris for not doing his part.

I love being a wife and homemaker, but when everything is hurting at once, and not sleeping well because of the pain, resentment rose up in me.

Resentment that I wasn't getting any help coupled with no pain relief and tiredness made me verbally buck and shy like a wild stallion. Along with resentment of my lack of help came resentment that my body has let me down.

Once resentment kicks in, it opens the door to self-pity and depression. I don't like yelling at Chris, particularly as he is usually not only helpful but emotionally nurturing and supportive.

I have found that at times like this, when pain causes me to blow my stack, that like an overtired toddler, I need to rest. So I put myself to bed for a nana nap.

But before I go for that nap, I apologise to Chris and go to sleep talking with the LORD and repenting of my bad humour.

Fibromyalgia pain never lets up, even in our sleep. It pursues us in our rest and deprives us of even the enjoyment of a brief period of respite in sleep. We toss and turn, trying to get comfortable- and that is even during the brief time our dry aching eyes are actually closed. It is not restorative at all.

I have had to learn to stop feeling false guilt for reacting to my pain when the levels are high enough to launch a rocket. That's how I feel during a flare. But I have got to remember that I didn't ask for this and am not responsible for succumbing to this painful syndrome.

I must remember that fibromyalgia pain-or indeed any pain, makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear. Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent. Psalm 71:9

Our little haven

So yesterday was a day of horrible fibromyalgia pain and fatigue. I felt a little down so I came to my couch and sat next to Chris for a cuddle and rest.

We love feeding the birds that come into our back garden and all through the day, our garden is like an airport. Birds of all types come to dine and drink and it is so restful and fun to watch them.

They have their own little antics and natures and they can be quite amusing. And apart from watching their different natures and antics they have something else that we find very attractive: they have babies.

It's such fun to watch the mothers feeding their babies and to watch the babies venture further and further from her as they learn to feed themselves. They fly but are still juvenile and yesterday their mothers were distancing themselves from their chicks and refusing to feed them, much to their annoyance.

The magpie juveniles are especially raucous and squawk even with food in their mouth. They are almost always feeding. The minor bird mummy also is weaning her chicks from her and as soon as she moves away, they follow like the duckling family juveniles do. So fun to watch.

But by far, my favourite birds are the Kingfishers which have also had babies. Whilst laying on the couch, I can see outside and I was delighted to see a mother Kingfisher with one of her three babies on our garden swing.

They were watching the porch which was covered in birdseed for the galahs and rosellas. I had thrown out some cut up luncheon meat, and they were waiting for the magpies to vacate the porch so that they could dine. Kingfishers are shy and besides, magpies are three times their size. So they wait.

It is the season for little white cabbage moths too. They are flying around the agapanthus plants and I guess they are mating because they seem to be in pairs. As are the pigeons that come for the seed.

There are three that regularly call in and partake of the parrot seed on the ground. There's a little female who just wants to eat, but there also is an amorous male who has romance on his mind. He pursues her constantly and hopes to make her his by dancing for her.

He fans out his tail feathers and hops towards her, then takes a few steps back. He repeats this courting gesture until she tires of him and runs a few feet away. But he is insistent and pursues her over and over again. I hope that he wins her heart as it is such fun to watch the young birds as they leave the nest under their mothers supervision.

We have a bird bath/feeder in the back garden which we used to fill with seed, but now with torn meniscuses in both knees, I cannot get down the steps to fill it, so they get fed from the back sliding glass door. I just toss the food onto the back porch. They don't care where it is.

They are quite used to me now and I have them almost eating out of my hand. So much so that as soon as I open the door, they come flying in to the garden from all directions, calling each other.

We have water in the bird feeder and in a plastic container in front of the steps. They bathe and drink and sing and they enjoy our back garden as much as we do.

It's a lovely place to recoup one's spoons during a fibromyalgia flare. The daily scenes are so peaceful and we love our little haven and we know the birds think of it as their haven as well. Their constant visits and frequent broods of chicks speaks of a place of plentiful food, water and safety.

We are grateful God lead us to this little country town- it is a gift from Him: our little haven

Cleaning for older women

I read this and thought not only would it be helpful for us older sisters, but also for us Sacrificial HomeKeepers especially those of us who suffer with fibromyalgia.

There are many websites that have detailed instructions teaching young women how to clean and organize their homes. However, I haven't been able to find much on teaching older women how to adjust to not being able to stay on a routine cleaning schedule due to health problems, yet keep a clean home.

This article can also apply to younger, healthier women too because of the unexpected occurrences that do happen in all our lives.

One thing you need to know about me is that I've always had the problem of perfectionism, which I have learned to control in recent years. You may be wondering why I consider perfectionism as a problem. For most people with this characteristic, they are uptight and easily upset when things don't go as planned. The least little thing that goes wrong immediately puts them in a bad mood. Why? Because they have lost control of the situation.

I have had to ask the Lord on many occasions to help me adjust my attitude and He has been faithful in doing so. I am MUCH more relaxed than I use to be and give the Lord all the credit because I don't think it is something you can change on your own. Oh, I occasionally will fall into my old way of thinking at times, but quickly realize that old enemy and put it away.

As we age, we usually end up with a few health problems along the way and we also tend to move a bit slower, thus taking longer to do one chore. It can be very frustrating to those who have always tried to keep a clean and tidy home. Maybe bending or stooping is causing you pain at times or you just can't seem to do as much in one day.

* My number one recommendation is to RELAX!!!!! I don't mean to sit all day eating bon-bons and watching soap operas, but relax your attitude.

If you are like most women, you dread another woman coming into your home if it isn't absolutely and perfectly clean and tidy. We are always apologizing for the way the house looks when most of the time, it is just fine.

Your children are grown and maybe already left the nest, so it is just you and your husband. This alone will help you because there are now only two to make a mess. Yet, the house still needs tender, loving care.

* Clutter in your home can appear to others as uncleanliness, so make sure to put things back where they belong and keep your home as clutter-free as possible. A tidy home will appear clean even when there are a few dust bunnies around. Maybe it's time to get rid of some things you no longer really need. Maybe that collection doesn't have the same appeal or meaning to you as it once did. Ask your children if they are interested in having it. If not, why not donate it or have a garage sale? The less "things" you have, the less dusting. Take a picture of it and put in a memory scrapbook! Then be happy you have less dusting to do.

* Your laundry loads will be greatly diminished when it is just the two of you. I have found that on days my back is acting up, I can sometimes still accomplish doing the laundry by having a low stool by the dryer to sit on. That way I can reach into the dryer without bending over and sit there folding each item. My husband and daughter frown on me doing anything when my back is bothering me and they say, "Why didn't you call me to do that?!!!!" Well, I'm the type of person that if I can find a way to do something myself, I'll do it. Asking for help is my last resort.

* Depending on your ailment, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming can be difficult along with cleaning the tub/shower. May I suggest to look at alternative cleaning equipment? A couple of years ago my daughter gave me a Swiffer floor vac and Swiffer wet jet. These two items have been a tremendous help to me. They are VERY lightweight and easy to use. Of course these are to be used on hard floor surfaces only. I read once where a woman used an old-fashioned mop to clean her tub and shower. Prevented her from having to bend over. If you are completely unable to do these tasks and your husband isn't able to do them either, why not consider asking one of your children if they have time once a week to do this for you? Or maybe someone from your church? I would recommend that you try to get someone you know very well.

* If you have clothes and shoes in your closet that you haven't worn in a long time, get rid of them. Same thing with bed linens. Get rid of excess. It's that much less to collect dust or mold. Haven't you ever noticed the "old person" odor when you walk into someone's home? Just because you are getting older doesn't mean you should quit caring for your home and yourself. Be sure to bathe/shower daily. Don't forget to wash your hair! Get in the habit of laundering small loads instead of letting clothes and damp towels set around until you have a big load to wash. At least once a year, ask a strong person you know to come in and move furniture for you so that you can clean behind those items. Don't forget to take care of those curtains! Wash and dry or have them dry cleaned.

What I am still trying to get through my thick skull is to pace myself on the good days. Give myself less tasks to complete and to take frequent breaks. It is difficult to change our habits, but it can be done. I am having to break a lifelong habit of "Get all your work done and then you can rest."

A typical day for me goes like this:

Before getting out of bed, I thank the Lord for the day and for my family and ask Him to guide each of us in all we say and do that day.

Then it's time to get up, get dressed, and have a cup of hot tea with honey (sometimes I treat myself to a cup of coffee, black only) and watch the news with Hubby while waking up. Then it's time to prepare something for breakfast.

No, I do not wear heels around the house. It's socks and slippers during cold weather and sandals during hot weather. I don't wear a head covering, but I do like wearing an apron.

After breakfast I clean up the kitchen and then sit down to check email and decide what I'm going to try and accomplish that day. Depending on what is to be done, I remind myself that if it is going to take longer than 15-30 minutes, I MUST take a break. This is usually when I'll do a blog post or visit a few blogs and check emails again.

Since my Hubby is retired on disability, we have our lunch together around noon each day. If I'm having a good day, I will try to accomplish another task after lunch. If not, then I keep my hands busy. I'll do...knit or crochet.

As a homemaker, we all would love our husband and children to really take notice of what we do. Sometimes we feel we are taken for granted and wonder, "Is my family really grateful for the things I do around here?" You all KNOW what I'm saying. We don't expect them to come home everyday and gush over how clean the house looks, but every once in a while it's nice for one of them to thank us for what we do. Well, this feeling DOES happen to the man of the house. Here's what happened:

I've not been able to vacuum lately and my daughter has been busy and gone a lot. Hubby and I both have been having back troubles, but last Friday I was feeling a bit better and told him I had to get out of the house for a while. I went shopping.

Later in the afternoon, he said, "Did you notice I vacuumed?"

I looked down and said with a grin, "When did you do that?"

"While you were gone to town. You know when I vacuum, it really needs it!"

Then he said that he was going to wait and see if I noticed that he had vacuumed, but couldn't stand to wait any longer and had to tell me what he did. LOL! So, I thanked him. :) Written by Sharon from Sharon's Roses blog which has been deleted now...

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:4-5

Chronically ill but faithful

Chronic illness can make us feel that we are incapable of many things. That can be true of physical things which for most of us who are ill or disabled, are now incapable of doing. But all is not lost as there are still things which are eternal that we can do.

We are told to pray without ceasing and prayer is something we can manage to do. Albeit in a different way to the "normals'" prayers, our disjointed or mumbled prayers are still as powerful and effective.

Just because we are sitting in our recliners, or in our bed, or sitting on a shower chair, in our wheelchair or resting on the seat of our walker- the fervent prayers we offer will reach the Ears of Him Who we serve.

We must never let the lies of the evil one cause us to doubt ourselves and then have us not pray at all. We are never wasting our life when we pray.

God does not class prayers according to the pray-ers' surroundings. Goodness knows, we have heard of soldiers praying in the trenches under fire and imminent death. No, our prayers are of equal importance to God.

Our prayers will drive the enemy away and cause him to tremble, because he knows wherever we pray is holy ground. He doesn't care about where or even how they are prayed. He hates the fact that we still pray.

Faithfulness is something chronic illness can't take away from us. No matter how hard the enemy tries to convince us that we are wasting our lives, we know he is just using wily and cunning ways to get us to stop praying and therefore serving God.

The prayers of the chronically ill are precious to the LORD, for He knows the battles we face just to be "normal". But we are more than "normal" as we come against illness and serve Him regardless.

Chronic illness will try to wipe us out physically, emotionally and spiritually if it can: but one thing we sufferers are is not only resilient: we are faithful.

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27