Home: the forgotten realm

In our day and age, home life is – sadly - devalued, unappreciated, and sneered at; good home life, with its orderliness, cheerfulness, peace, contentment and simplicity is so very rare, that some people of my generation grew up without knowing it at all. In too many households, there are no orderly routines, no lovingly arranged decorations, no home-cooked meals, no family dinners, no welcoming neighbors into your home and showing hospitality – none of the warmth and lovingness that transform a house, a dwelling, into a home.

The incredibly important work of a woman as a keeper of her home, the woman who is present at her home, being the center and spirit of it, caring and nurturing, loving and creating, tending to the needs of her loved ones – is also tossed aside, aprons and home-baked cookies sound almost offensive in the light of the feminist agenda.

By the more tolerant, a mother of young children who stays home to care for her little ones is still seen as somehow 'justified', making a noble – even if unfortunate and unrewarding – sacrifice; but mothers of grown-up children, or married and childless women, or grown-up daughters – how dare they remain at home? How dare they to focus on the home? How can they say they are doing something important and worthwhile?

Yet I think no woman – mother, wife, daughter, sister or grandmother – should feel guilty for loving her home, for cherishing her home and making it the focus of her life, love, work, energy and creativity. No woman should feel she is squandering her talents because the role she chose isn't glorious or well-paid. No woman should feel unimportant, useless, or unproductive, because she chooses to make home her first priority.

Think of a childhood spent without ever smelling a delicious cake or pie, fresh for the oven; without ever tugging at the strings of Mother's apron (because she doesn't own one); without long, peaceful afternoons spent side by side, learning, laughing and playing alongside each other. Think of a husband coming home, each and every evening, to an empty, silent, cold, unorganized and basically uninhabited home, full of appliances and objects, but devoid of love and dedication. Imagine a tired old man who is walking down the street, thirsty for a glass of water to drink or for a few warm words of friendly conversation – but there is no one behind those closed unwelcoming doors during the entire day, and way too much pressure and rush during the evenings and weekends; think of all the loneliness, detachment, stress, unhappiness and emptiness that have been our share ever since we dismissed the home as the woman's realm, as a center of love, joy, peace, warmth and hospitality, and not just a place to eat and sleep.

What cause can be more noble and rewarding than setting our goal to re-conquering that realm? We can do that, bit by bit, with our daily work at home; each sweet-smelling, sparkling clean clothesline, each home-baked pie and hand-knitted scarf, each neighborly smile and welcoming gesture lead us on our way to become, again, queens of our households. by Anna T of Domestic Felicity

“marry, bear children, guide the house . . .” 1 Timothy. 5:14

Don't be afraid to be a mother!


The scriptures tell  us to  ' train up our child in the way he should go  and when he is old  he  will  not depart from it.  (Proverbs 22:6)  But how many of us are afraid or unwilling to train our children? We are  afraid that we will lose our children's affections if we restrain them- we are afraid to  be mothers!

Some of us don't train our children because we are too lazy- it is always easier to just let them go-  it takes  too  much  effort to harness them and  direct them in the right direction.  Some of us do a half-hearted training of our children-  because they bug us,  we make them toe the line!  I suppose that is better than no training at all.

What are the consequences of us not training our children? At the very most rebellious young adults who have no respect for authority- yours or anyone else's. At the very least, young adults who cannot restrain themselves or their moods and who have no respect for property or other people's feelings. Definitely on both counts, we will have bred unhappy young adults.

A lot of mothers are so afraid of harming their children's psyche that they become the child's servant eventually, doting on them and spoiling them until they are insufferable to bear. Mothers, you cannot be your child's best buddy or friend. You have to train your child well and be a mother who is not afraid to enforce her God-given authority as Mother. Your children will respect you for it- they certainly won't respect you for trying to be their friend.

If we don't train our children well we are asking for rottenness to come into their character. A mother who trains and disciplines her children in a loving way will never lose her children's respect or love. Even from early childhood we intuitively know that Mother is our teacher and protector. We may not verbalise it as children but we all know we need a Mother's input in our formative years. However we train our children we can be assured that the results will reach into eternity.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

'Train up our child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

Letter to those remarrying


As most of you already know, I am a remarried woman after a divorce from a violence-filled 25 year marriage. In my new marriage we have 6 adult children and 15 grandchildren plus a great-granddaughter between us. We have been married for 22 years. This can make for lots of misunderstandings when a new marriage takes place.

This discussion is not to debate the theological issues or fault-finding. It is to encourage you in making a truly fresh start as you seek to blend not only your lives, but that of any children of previous marriages. So here a few thoughts that come to mind.

Try not to fall into the trap of comparing former spouses or marriages. I think it is detrimental to the forming of a new family bond to liken your new marriage with your past one or to compare habits, lifestyle etc. Woe be to the spouse who voices an unfavourable comparison to his/her spouse- that is a powder keg of gunpowder in a new marriage!

Make a pact before the marriage where there are his and her children to treat them all equitably and restrain from making comparisons between yours and theirs.

It is critical to the new marriage and family that past issues have been discussed and sorted out if possible. Never in the heat of an argument should it be said that "you sound just like he/she did!" This is a whole new ball game!

Resolve to keep the priorities of a Christian home as they should be:

God

Husband

Wife

Children

Home

Church

Do not enlist your children as back up should an argument arise! They are no longer part of the former marriage but should be included into the new marriage as children of that marriage and not used as ammunition or cover.

Keep unkind comments about the other spouse's children, ex-spouse and family to yourself- it is counter-productive to the peace of your new marriage to drag that up.

Concentrate on fostering a peaceful home for the nurturing of children who are undergoing the test of a life-time and try to see the situation through their eyes. They probably are grieving over the loss of their dream of Mum and Dad getting back together. Be understanding and compassionate.

Even if you cannot in all honesty say you love them as your own, show your step-children Christ-like love and compassion and guide them towards acceptance of this new situation.

Remember that some things will trigger a flash back for you or your spouse from the previous marriage and try to be forgiving and understanding of them or yourself.

Above all, make Christ the Head of your home and marriage and commit this marriage into His keeping. Remember the reasons for the first marriage's demise and try to learn from it so as not to repeat any mistakes of the past.

Ask forgiveness from the LORD for any fault of your own and then move on to a new life of faith and forgiveness, resolving to make this marriage and new family solid on the firm foundation of Christ and His peace and love, and particularly, of His forgiveness and grace.


© Glenys Robyn Hicks

But thou, O Lord, [art] a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth. Psalm 86:15

Don't throw your husband out


Isn’t becoming a mother just the most intense experience both physically and emotionally? For me, it was the most fulfilling time of my life! I remember the anxious waiting for my son’s birth- doubly anxious because I had given birth to still-born twins in my seventh month previously. And as I waited anxiously for his birth, I also wondered what exactly my husband was experiencing emotionally. Outwardly, he seemed unconcerned, but I knew he must have had some anxiety as well- he was looking forward to this child as much as I. So I thought about how this child would change our marital relationship- would it bring us closer or cause some distance between us?

You see, I had friends who had dreamt all their lives of being a mother, and when that supreme moment came, they invested so much of their time and energy into motherhood that they often neglected their husbands. Many men were battling anxieties caused through feeling second-best or neglected… not only in the love-making area, but in all areas. Suddenly the world revolved around the baby and they felt like they were just the breadwinner and of no special significance to their wives. Some of them even carried guilt because they felt jealous of their own child. And some of them even strayed because of it. I didn’t want this to happen.

As soon as Mark was born, they handed him to me…I drank in the sight of him and immediately handed him up to his father. As I did with the other children as well. I made every effort to include him in not only the baby’s life, but I made sure that he had no doubt that I still regarded him as my friend, my lover and my husband. There were times when the baby needed my attention of course, but I made sure that I made time to listen to what my husband had to say, to cook his favourite meals and to be demonstratively affectionate to him. He was so proud of each of our babies and was a very good father. (We later on had problems in our marriage that were totally unrelated to him feeling second best after their birth.)

I have encouraged my own daughters to remember that they are wives first and mothers second. They have been encouraged as well to put their husbands first in everything so as to avoid the mistakes I have seen new mothers sometimes make. Being a mother would not be anywhere near as wonderful an experience if we lost our marriages in the process. So, new mothers and young ladies, I would encourage you too- don’t throw your husband out with the baby’s bathwater!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children," Titus 2:4

Pink or blue?

For years we have been listening to feminists’ claptrap about men needing to find their female side and women needing to be more strident and assertive. We have been advised to teach our sons all manner of housekeeping tips and encouraging our daughters to take self-defence lessons and fix their own cars…all in a quest for equality of the sexes! And whilst there is nothing wrong with learning these skills, if this trend is pursued, we will find ourselves crossing gender boundaries.

What have we gained in all this cross-gender teaching? We have put strains on our kids that they weren’t meant to bear! Our sons have become Sensitive New Age Guys with very little backbone or drive and unsure of their sexuality. And our daughters have become Strident Shrill Task Mistresses who look, think, speak and act like men! Women who pursue men and have taken on the sexually aggressive role and men who allow themselves to be wooed!

Despite what the feminists tell you: men and women are not the same. We are created and “wired up” differently. To prove this, a test was done on babies who were crawling or toddling. At the end of a long room, the babies’ mothers were waiting for them, coaxing them to come! In front of the mothers was a barrier about 2 foot high that to the babies was impenetrable. Behind a 2 way mirror, researchers in childhood behaviour were taking notes and filming.

What happened was very interesting! All the babies headed for their mothers as quickly as they could. On reaching the barrier, all of the girl babies stopped, sat down, looked around and cried loudly. They were all terribly distressed and cried piteously with arms up-stretched to their mothers. They looked for aid when their mothers didn’t reach out for them, crying even louder.

The boy babies met the barrier, and seeing Mother wasn’t about to pick them up, immediately set about examining it. Some patted the barrier, some kicked it, some even tasted it and some eventually tried to scale it, but every one of them tried to conquer it! Not one of the boy babies cried or looked distressed but tried to find a way through, over or under the barrier between them and their mothers!

This proved what can be seen in MRI scans. Male and female brains are wired up differently. All the boy babies were proactive, logical thinkers and strategists, while all the girl babies were reactive, emotional and helplessly relied on assistance and reassurance.

These tests proved that we are created as the scriptures say: the male to have dominion over the earth and subdue it, and the female to be protected by the male and to be nurturing. Eve was after all, the mother of all things..

No matter what feminists say, men and women are different. God created men and women to be equal but to have different roles. What the feminists propose is a blending of the sexes so that the roles and characteristics become so blurred that we have asexual people or bi-sexual. Certainly, to pursue feminist’s ideas, we would have a gross trans-gender mess with neither gender acting within the bounds of their created gender or unsure what their role was.

Accepting and understanding God’s Word, we will do our girls the honour of teaching them how to be godly women, wives and mothers, and our sons to be godly men, husbands and fathers. That’s the way our Creator God wants it and that’s how it should be and we have no business trying to change it. The die has been cast at conception and it is good…Pink or blue: it’s not up to you!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks



“Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created” . Genesis 5:2

Marriage, motherhood & home: a balancing act!


Every wise woman builds her house but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands. I think the wise wife and mother realises that the whole family hinges on a good marriage. God, husband, children, home and church is a biblical approach to prioritising who comes first in your life. And as many a woman whose children have flown the nest will testify- if you haven’t nurtured your marriage during the child rearing years, you may very well end up being married to a stranger!

The sad fact is that we all grow and change throughout the years, so it is imperative that a wife make her husband number one during those years of child raising and keep her marriage alive and the intimacy (both physical and spiritual), fresh. Women who have devoted all their attention to their children and neglected their marriage can feel lost (even suicidal) when that focus is gone. And if it is further complicated by an empty marriage (shudder) A well-loved and respected husband usually makes a better and more confident father.

I think that if the husband is shown love and respect on a regular basis then he will not feel neglected when his wife has to look to the needs of his children before his own. Most men will not over react when their needs are temporarily put on hold whilst a baby is in need of feeding or changing or the children are fighting or in need of discipline or whatever. By making your husband number one after God, I believe it enhances a marriage and that in turn brings greater team-work in raising children.

There are obviously times when our children’s needs are more pressing than our husband’s, but if the wise woman has built her man up, and he knows he is King of his castle and has her heart, he usually understands that he may have to take a temporary back seat in her attentions. If the wife has torn her house down with neglecting her husband, being constantly unavailable or unaffectionate etc then it is highly likely that he will feel that he is not very important in her sight. He may even become bothered with feelings of guilt because he has jealous feelings towards his own children.

The whole business of child raising, marriage and homemaking is a balancing act which requires wisdom and prayer- and organization. I do feel too that sometimes children today are made a little too much of and I fear that we will reap the consequences of this in our own lives and in the next generation of adults. Balance is the key, I feel.

The wise woman will build her house by building up her husband, building her children up enough to make them confident adults but never to become the masters of the home. This is tearing your house down with your own hands. Build your home by seeking God’s divine order- Him, husband, children, house then church. By doing this, you will have a happy home and family and will be serving God as He purposes it. And you will reap the reward of a happy enduring marriage and well adjusted children.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


‘Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.” Proverbs 31:29

Embracing the new normal



Chronic illness changes far more than our bodies.. it changes our sleeping patterns, our intimacy, our family life, our home and our mental state as social occasions dwindle. It can make us feel helpless.  But there is something we can do to help us wring out as much enjoyment as possible from our life. However horrid, this new life is our new normal... so we must live it, not merely exist, because this life is the only life we are going to have. 

The only way we can move forward is to accept that we are ill, and that our life will change. Only through acceptance will we learn to find joy in the every day and to be victorious. In spite of our illness. In spite of our pain. It takes courage. Lean on Christ and enjoy the good in life now.. as is. 

Not as we want it to be. It is the only life we have! It is a horrible thing to have to do...but ultimately if we want to have any enjoyment of our life, we have to face it and accept the new normal... it doesn't mean we will ever be happy with our lot, but we will be happier if we accept it... our old life is gone- the life we have now is the only life we have...

I have had to accept that Chris pushes me in my walker around the shops: it was humiliating at first, but if we want to shop together, I have had to accept that I can't walk far anymore... We have been looking to buy a wheelchair for me... something I have resisted, but now I see that my life can continue pretty much the same if I am sitting in a wheelchair...

Yes, I hate it- I really do. It is humiliating, humbling, and embarrassing- but if I want to live my life as I like, I have had to accept it. Like with the walker at first, I think I will become more used to it. The first step is for me to accept that my new normal is different.. and then I have to embrace it!

© Glenys Robyn Hicks


So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.  Psalm 90:12

My cleaning schedule


I have a monthly cleaning schedule which I try to adhere to. Generally, I manage to keep up with it, but there are days when fibromyalgia or angina kick in and I can't follow it.

I have included it here for easy access to it for myself, and in the hopes that it may help someone else who is trying to keep up with their own home. I am over feeling guilty for being ill. Sometimes we have to accept that we can't be the same as a healthier woman. Thank God, He knows my frame.



  MONTHLY CLEANING SCHEDULE

WEEK 1–KITCHEN /DINING ROOM

Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Church
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Sort pills
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Bins/litter




Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes


WEEK 2–ENTRYWAY /LIVING AREAS 

SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Church
Laundry
Fold/Put Up

Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Sort pills
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Bins/litter


Aldi and
Chemist

Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes

WEEK 3–BEDROOM/OFFICES

SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Church
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Sort pills
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Bins/litter




Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes

WEEK 4–BATHROOMS /LAUNDRY ROOM 

SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Church
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Sort pills
Laundry
Fold/Put Up
Change sheets 

Bins/litter


Aldi and
Chemist

Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes
Dishes



© Glenys Robyn Hicks


For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust  Psalm 103:14